I just found my Christmas present and he’s messed up

[ChristmasCinchNotGrinch]

Ok, so I’m grateful I’m getting a present but I’ll have to say that my DH is pretty crap at gifts. I think he’s just lazy. He told me there’s no shops near his office and he wouldn’t know what to get me. Well a few years back I went to his office in London to meet him and I literally walked past some of the best shops in the country.

Anyway, he’s bought me some sports gear off the internet. That’s great as I do a lot of fitness. However I’ve just found the bag. I went into a cupboard and it was on a shelf and I looked.

He’s bought me a jacket and a pair of running leggings in XL and I’m a M. I thought maybe this is an American size or other so I tried them on. They’re 3 sizes too big.

The receipt says there are 30 days to return and that takes it to 30 Dec.

I’m a bit disappointed that yet again I’ve got a useless present, but more practically I don’t want to be outside the return period.

Should I tell him I found them and they’re too big (YANBU) or suck it up, (YABU) smile and send it back as soon as the post office opens after Christmas…….and swap it for something I really want from that shop ;)

You're an M and he's bought you an XL?

What's that all about? 🙄

Exactly this.

A few times DH has done similar. It's always because he just can't really be bothered. I used to do all the other Xmas shopping for both our families. He literally only shopped for me.

Getting it wrong like this just made me feel like I wasn't worth the effort and my disappointment didn't matter and wasnt important to him. It's hurtful because of the lack of thought and effort.

I've now stopped shopping for his family at all after he told me I was making it harder for myself than I needed to.
Last year, we sat at his family's house and opened presents (which obviously he'd bought with his usual amount of effort - an amazon voucher for every person). He was really embarrassed as they all opened them, alongside everyone else's thoughtfully chosen presents. I made sure they all knew that he'd taken over the Xmas shopping that year 🤣🤣🤣

As he's generally useless at presents, I'd definitely wait it out and say how wonderful the present is, you really love it, it's just right, but oh no...it's too big. What a shame, never mind I still love it but can exchange it right?

Just say something like “Aw I’m really sorry Neville. I think I accidentally found my Xmas present - did you get me the running gear? Well I noticed it’s the wrong size..can you swap for a medium please? If they dont have one, I’d happily have something from Monica Vinader. Thats near you isn’t it? Im sorry I accidentally spoilt your surprise but I didnt want you to be disappointed on Xmas day when they dont fit”

There was a scene in Desperate Housewives that really stuck with me. She'd bought pizza with pepperoni on it & he despised pepperoni which she should know cos they'd been married for yeeeeaaaaarrrrs. He was incredibly hurt cos she knew but he wasn't important enough to really think about, whereas to her it meant nothing.

Time to pull him up on this imo.

Why would he buy you XL? Even the most clueless man would check your clothes before purchasing. And would definitely not go for a much larger size and risk offending their wife. Certainly not if he wants a peaceful life anyway.

I would say you found them and see what he says first. Give him a chance to put it right if they’re for you.

Maybe they’re for him 😂

Just tell him

Why are you tolerating someone so thoughtless? He obviously couldn't give less of a fuck about what you want or like. I'd tell him you found them, they're not right at all and he can either return them and put some thought into a gift or he can enjoy Christmas alone. DH used to get me really crap but well meaning gifts (car phone holder, a mans jumper so I wouldn't have to borrow his...) while I put thought and effort into things he'd really like. I exploded one year when yet again crap cheap gifts I'd buy for myself if I had to and he's massively improved since. He got comfortable in his incompetency.

And I don't care if that makes me entitled or grabby; I do everything for our family, our home, our pets. The least he can do is get something I really like and will use as a way of acknowledging that.

This was the first thing I thought of too, and it seems to happen disproportionately with fitness gear. I ordered three compression tops, all the same brand, in the same size but different colours a few months ago and they all arrived in different sizes.

If he really did order XL because he didn't know OP's size that's pretty awful though.

Would they fit him? Maybe he has a fetish for leggings 😬

Maybe he's having an affair with a larger lady?

What? 😂

Jesus, just return them before December 30th.

Another reason why present buying should be banned between adults.
Now in this case especially it's sucked all the joy out of it and left you asking strangers what to do.

Why were you even looking?

Did you find it by accident? Will he be annoyed you looked?

If so could you drop a hint or mention sizes - DH can I just check are you still a medium in tops? Great. Me too.

Hopefully he made a mistake on the size while ordering online?

Hmmm....good thing you're into fitness, otherwise, a pretty unimaginative choice of Xmas gift from a DH, and ordered so close to Xmas too, when there are many good stores near his place of work.
I wonder, on average, how many men there are who are really not great at giving gifts?
Mine is another one.
Normally I don't agree with 'tit for tat' but.....if you came up with a comparatively careless choice of gift for him, maybe that would open his eyes a bit, or at least open him up to discussion about how hurt you feel about the lack of thought?

I'd just tell him I'd found the clothes and were they meant for me? If he says yes, say "They're not the right size - can you change them for..."?

He's bone idle though, isn't he?

I wouldn't go faffing about exchanging after Christmas if he could do that now.

I know this is meant to be a joke but honestly the standards for men are already so low they have to be careful not to trip over them.

To be fair, I can rarely find clothes that fit me without several exchanges. Just accept them with a smile and exchange them as soon as you can. He has bought them well in advance so can't be that lazy.

This but make sure it’s for something you would use/spend on!

I’d also be miffed on the size thing - 1 size out understandable but 2/3 sizes out is a bit much!

As for should you tell him, is where he hid them somewhere routine you might access? If so go ahead and say “oops I think I’ve ruined my Christmas present, doubly so as they are the wrong size.” If it’s not somewhere you would routinely access then manufacture a reason and again say oops.

Frankly it feels a bit of weaponised incompetence, if I get vaguely wrong gifts you’ll see I’m trying but eventually give up and sort everything for me and I can give you the cash…

Why not? I'd rather faff about than tell my partner I'd found his Christmas gifts for me, that they're shit and not the right size, and can he change them asap. There's nothing wrong with him giving her fitness-related gifts. She's into fitness, he recognises this, he tried to buy a present accordingly.

If they're XL could they actually be for him or someone else?

He is shit at present buying. I think part of it is his childhood. I’ve never seen his parents buy him a present, and they’ve never bought me one in 3 decades. He thinks I go OTT at Christmas. I usually buy his family, but I’ve stopped and now they get nothing.

That said, the other days of the year (except a repeat of this on my birthday) he’s very generous and we are a team straight down the line.

It’s a strange one. He’s shit at gifts, but is really generous with me and the DC in everything else.

It does bother me a bit, but in contrast I’ll have to listen to my SIL bang on about her new diamond earrings, or fancy coat and other gifts her thoughtful DH has bought for her and I’ll feel a bit hurt. But then I’d never swap my DH for hers because he’s a tosser and has got so many red flags he could have a parade.

I send links to a whole bunch of things I like, so he can be confident on his choices.
maybe that would help in future?