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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I just found my Christmas present and he’s messed up

280 replies

ChristmasCinchNotGrinch · 04/12/2024 14:23

Ok, so I’m grateful I’m getting a present but I’ll have to say that my DH is pretty crap at gifts. I think he’s just lazy. He told me there’s no shops near his office and he wouldn’t know what to get me. Well a few years back I went to his office in London to meet him and I literally walked past some of the best shops in the country.

Anyway, he’s bought me some sports gear off the internet. That’s great as I do a lot of fitness. However I’ve just found the bag. I went into a cupboard and it was on a shelf and I looked.

He’s bought me a jacket and a pair of running leggings in XL and I’m a M. I thought maybe this is an American size or other so I tried them on. They’re 3 sizes too big.

The receipt says there are 30 days to return and that takes it to 30 Dec.

I’m a bit disappointed that yet again I’ve got a useless present, but more practically I don’t want to be outside the return period.

Should I tell him I found them and they’re too big (YANBU) or suck it up, (YABU) smile and send it back as soon as the post office opens after Christmas…….and swap it for something I really want from that shop ;)

OP posts:
Nothatgingerpirate · 04/12/2024 15:59

I got a Damascus blade axe and a hunting knife.
I pointed out on the online shop they were good quality stuff.
(I happily cut grass with a scythe and chop wood, as learned during childhood).
The hunting knife is probably an extra.
😁

Needmorelego · 04/12/2024 16:01

@Blackbeatles what does that mean?
Are people not meant to get gifts after the age of 7?

SatansBobbleheadedDashboardOrnament · 04/12/2024 16:02

Nothatgingerpirate · 04/12/2024 15:59

I got a Damascus blade axe and a hunting knife.
I pointed out on the online shop they were good quality stuff.
(I happily cut grass with a scythe and chop wood, as learned during childhood).
The hunting knife is probably an extra.
😁

Err... Kudos for playing the long game on the Christmas present front, I guess.

Lavenderfarmcottage · 04/12/2024 16:05

I think to all of a sudden equate gifts with love would be confusing. I wonder if people like this find gift giving hard because it stirs up feelings about how their parents showed their love. Personally I think it goes deeper than even he might realise.

I would graciously accept the gifts and get his opinion on the fit.

In future years I would just tell him what you want or set up a wish list for birthdays etc.

I’d also buy some cubic zirconia/ good copy diamond earrings to wear and annoy your sister in law with.

If he’s ordinarily generous I think that this is just one of those things.

WinterBones · 04/12/2024 16:05

i'd be tempted to tell him you found a bag of clothes while you were sorting the decs out, then ask him who they're for as they're way too big for you... and see what he does.

Jostuki · 04/12/2024 16:06

Three sizes different is really strange! Either they are not for you or he thinks you look big and told the shop assistant you are big.

LookItsMeAgain · 04/12/2024 16:08

Any chance that you can return them, get them in your size and pop them back in the cupboard? If they are for you, then you get the right size and he thinks he's the best husband since time immemorial.

HellofromJohnCraven · 04/12/2024 16:12

I'd say "I'm mystified. I found these clothes, who are they for? Well not me cos they are 3 sizes too big."
Now I buy myself a few lovely things on Xmas day online when the sales start. That's my present to myself.

Original poster
ChristmasCinchNotGrinch · 04/12/2024 16:12

SIL is DHs sister and all the time I’ve known her she has been fixated on what her partners buy her. She definitely equates presents with how much she’s loved. She always gets love bombed.

Interesting

OP posts:
littlemissprosseco · 04/12/2024 16:14

Can you arrange to meet him at work for Xmas lunch or something, then drag him round all those lovely shops you mentioned. And point out all the things you’d absolutely love whilst mentioning how you really don’t need any more gym wear as your drawers are bursting full leggings!!

LatteLady · 04/12/2024 16:16

My sister's husband was very good at this stuff... in his wallet were all my sister's details, her dress size 12/M, waist size, underwear preferences, perfume preferences, which brands she liked and even her glove size. Why not share your's with him and say, I thought this might be helpful before you go shopping, so he has a chance to rectify this error?

ThianWinter · 04/12/2024 16:17

Is he in a work Secret Santa? Maybe he picked one of the larger ladies he works with and the gym stuff is for her. I wouldn't assume they are for you, despite the colour.

Wegovypictures · 04/12/2024 16:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Well done for making posters who take an XL feel like shit.

BlackJacktheDog · 04/12/2024 16:20

Honestly I'd tackle this head on rather than fanny about buying something too large that you have to publically return to give him a hint etc.

Just ask "who's the sport stuff for?". If he says you then, you get to say "but they are about 3 sizes too big for me!".

Then when he has to return them, it's a good time to say you really fancy some jewellery from MV this year (or whatever).

ViciousCurrentBun · 04/12/2024 16:20

It should just be thoughtful shouldn’t it. DS and his GF have just been away he noticed her make up bag was looking a bit worse for wear so he has bought her one and her going away bag wasn’t so great so he has bought her one. I went along with him but he already knew what he wanted. They are planning at least two trips next year.

My DH was a bit rubbish when we were first together as was my sisters DH. She put up with it, she was nice like that, she is a much nicer person than me but it got her nowhere. I kicked off and complained a lot. He does well now.

Saturdayssandwichsociety · 04/12/2024 16:20

Id bet good money those were in the sale and there was no medium left and he thought he'd save himself a bit of money and hope he got away with feigning ignorance the size is off.
Trying to save himself a few quid was more important that getting you a present you could actually use.

Sunshine1500 · 04/12/2024 16:20

Buy him a similar outfit in 3 sizes too small and leave it for him to find, with his name on it 🤣so hell bring up the thoughtless gifts first!

SatansBobbleheadedDashboardOrnament · 04/12/2024 16:22

ThianWinter · 04/12/2024 16:17

Is he in a work Secret Santa? Maybe he picked one of the larger ladies he works with and the gym stuff is for her. I wouldn't assume they are for you, despite the colour.

😂I would love to be a fly on that (HR) office wall. Secret Santa? 'Larger lady'? Gymwear!!!

DogInATent · 04/12/2024 16:25

Place-marking for when the OP reveals she bought him a novelty mug, a cardigan he's never worn, and a box of golf tees last year.

Stormyweatheroutthere · 04/12/2024 16:25

Google the items and see if they are in fact Sale Items.... Get him some slippers too big.... Yabu to be bloody grateful he has bought you a gift..

Christmaseason · 04/12/2024 16:27

Could you say something like if you are planning to buy me any clothes I am a size medium or a 10 or whatever and to double check this as I will be very disappointed to receive something unusable.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 04/12/2024 16:27

I just don’t understand how anyone is so bad at gift buying. This man walks past lovely stores. It’s not bloody rocket science, is it?
So Tiffany might be expensive, but MV have some great offers on at the moment. I used to work in retail and all a man had to do, if he had no clue, was to describe his wife, and it was usually easy to find something.
I just don’t get the awful presents which usually
don’t fit either.
Even if budget is an issue, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like a lovely notebook and pen. It baffles me.

Hiiteex · 04/12/2024 16:28

Bluebellyhedge · 04/12/2024 14:57

I'd be a bit annoyed he got my size so wrong.

I would too, especially give he thinks she is XL 🤣

PortiasBiscuit · 04/12/2024 16:29

He’s got a big running mistress tucked away somewhere OP.. LTB!

Coalplay · 04/12/2024 16:29

@ChristmasCinchNotGrinch I’ve accepted that my husband is terrible at it and after years of wanting him to change I’ve just decided to buy myself what I want.

At the age of 55 he was diagnosed as autistic and this actually makes a lot of sense. Inability to read the room and see what I liked and to make decisions