I just found my Christmas present and he’s messed up

[ChristmasCinchNotGrinch]

Ok, so I’m grateful I’m getting a present but I’ll have to say that my DH is pretty crap at gifts. I think he’s just lazy. He told me there’s no shops near his office and he wouldn’t know what to get me. Well a few years back I went to his office in London to meet him and I literally walked past some of the best shops in the country.

Anyway, he’s bought me some sports gear off the internet. That’s great as I do a lot of fitness. However I’ve just found the bag. I went into a cupboard and it was on a shelf and I looked.

He’s bought me a jacket and a pair of running leggings in XL and I’m a M. I thought maybe this is an American size or other so I tried them on. They’re 3 sizes too big.

The receipt says there are 30 days to return and that takes it to 30 Dec.

I’m a bit disappointed that yet again I’ve got a useless present, but more practically I don’t want to be outside the return period.

Should I tell him I found them and they’re too big (YANBU) or suck it up, (YABU) smile and send it back as soon as the post office opens after Christmas…….and swap it for something I really want from that shop ;)

Amazon wishlist or similar next birthday/Christmas to avoid the trauma. I’d be devastated if my Dh bought the wrong size, it isn’t difficult to look in the drawer and check your size.

If there are husbands out there who buy fabulous, wanted gifts, lead me to them. Years ago my husband and I had the conversation and now we agree to buy each other things as we see them. Last winter we bought ourselves a new roof, and aborted a planned holiday to do so. He paid for a lot of little trees for our garden that I wanted. I bought him football tickets. And so we roll.

Tell him. Otherwise that's money down the drain.

Maybe buy him something equally inappropriate and see if the message gets through. A jumper several sizes wrong?
Granted gifts should be received with kindness but thoughtlessness is thoughtlessness.

Send them back and tell him oops I opened the gift! Be honest and say you'd like to send them back with his ok, best to come clean

That actually sounds like he has been really thoughtful this year. I think that is worth appreciating. Just accept them with good grace and then explain that you love them, but will have to change them because the size is wrong. You say he is shit at presents. Given that he has bought you something you like, from one of your favourite shops this early in December, the ‘shit at presents’ should be past tense. He has clearly tried to please you this year.

You said he's shit at buying presents. Then you tell him what to buy you. No disappointment, no upset. You're half to blame for if you've not done this before. 😁

Do you not do a Christmas list?
After a set of pans, which he knew I would love, I do a list every year. No excuses for crap presents when I have specifically told him what I want.

If you need some new gym gear, and you can afford it, buy some gym gear now, from the same shop, in your right size. Order it on express and make a real point of opening it in front him, being excited with it, trying it on etc. And then say something like well that's me done for new gym year for the year, great I got an absolute bargain in the sales! So glad I fit into a M at this shop. Then, walk away. He will hopefully realise his error and exchange 🤣

I’d say nothing and open your gift. Try it on immediately and show it to him while you’re wearing it. Then you can say it’s way too big can he please exchange it for the right size for you. If he leaves it until after the date then that’s on him.

Tell him you found the present and point him to the shops that he walks past giving him your sizes. Send it by text so he can go in and order what you want. Then he can send everything back albeit wonder if he even knows how to do that:)

Surely the answer to this is to send them back, reorder the right size from his phone and replace them before he notices? And if he does in the meantime you say you saw them, tried them on and wanted to make sure they were the right size so sorted it 😅

Don't say anything before Christmas. Just say its lovely just a bit big. That's very thoughtful

Order the correct size yourself and when it comes send the large one back.
just tell them its too big. He will never notice.

Tell him now.
if you wait till Christmas, you will have the job of returning them/ finding a replacement gift for yourself ( from him) Tell him now and it’s his job to return it and get you a decent gift.
lazy arse husband

Don’t say a word. Tell him you’ve done him a huge favour and made a list this year of things you might like to receive as he has so much trouble on his own. When he sees no fitness stuff on the list hopefully he’ll get the message and return it himself without you ever knowing! 😉

Could you order the correct size and change the ones he’s bought you and send the too big ones back..?

people aren’t mind readers. Why do we test partners to see if they have been paying attention all year and/or that they “really get us” Just tell people what you want them you won’t be disappointed and if you insist on surprises then don’t be annoyed when it’s crap.

Why not give him a specific sheer as to what you want and emphasise the size. He could then return what he has already bought.

Are you sure they’re for you? He could have bought them for someone else who is a size XL

Why though? I bought my DH jeans last week (married 24 years, together 29 years) and had to message him to ask if he wanted regular, relaxed or slim fit then double check his waist size. Why do women need men to surprise them with nice gifts or expect them to memorise their clothes sizes - I buy different size clothes in different shops sometimes? Send a link or buy a nice gift for yourself. That's what I do. I'm fussy about jewellery etc and would rather choose my own.

The first year we were married we lived in a freezing flat so I said I'd like a warm nightie (money was scarce). I opened the present to find a brown fleecy nightie, size outsize. I'm size 10 and hate brown.

I wonder if the product description says to size up or something? (Clutching at straws!).
Maybe there’s an innocent explanation but he also doesn’t get to play poor clueless man.

Being on the spectrum doesn't make you a bad gift giver.

It can make it hard to see things the way other people see things and care about things that other people care about. I couldn't give a fiddle if someone started talking passionately to me about trains for example.

But somehow I still manage to put thought into the gifts I give people, sometimes to a detriment because they might mention they like something to me once in a very niche way and then it pops up at Christmas and they've no idea why I got it for them.

Maybe he gets overwhelmed in shops but there's always online shopping.

Maybe there's trouble with sequencing, so he ordered the clothes before he really knew what size you were but come on? He's your husband and your clothes are in the same house, unless he lacks all problem solving abilities then he could check.

There is a word for people who think only of themselves, don't put much effort in to other people, with the learned behaviour of regularly love bombing and seeming very generous and also ends in ...istic. Begins with Narciss...

I would say something like, “well today I was present wrapping so was in the cupboard and you’d left my present clearly visible. I didn’t want to find it but it was too obvious to not see so of course I had to take a peek. Sorry!. Well it is a really lovely idea, very thoughtful, great colour choice you made, I love them, but unfortunately I am gutted it is the wrong size so I won’t be able to use them straightaway unless changed, any chance you can change them before Xmas? I would love that!”

then…

start a shared “to do list” (if you have an iPhone they have this feature) and put weblinks to all the things you’d like as ideas, he can then choose what to get you. My dad is also the most useless present buyer ever and this is the only way I can get him to not buy me a kitchen appliance or scarf I don’t need or want! And now I have kids it helps control the amount of vtech crap he buys them too!
encourage him to share ideas with you too so it looks like it’s going both ways x