I just found my Christmas present and he’s messed up

[ChristmasCinchNotGrinch]

Ok, so I’m grateful I’m getting a present but I’ll have to say that my DH is pretty crap at gifts. I think he’s just lazy. He told me there’s no shops near his office and he wouldn’t know what to get me. Well a few years back I went to his office in London to meet him and I literally walked past some of the best shops in the country.

Anyway, he’s bought me some sports gear off the internet. That’s great as I do a lot of fitness. However I’ve just found the bag. I went into a cupboard and it was on a shelf and I looked.

He’s bought me a jacket and a pair of running leggings in XL and I’m a M. I thought maybe this is an American size or other so I tried them on. They’re 3 sizes too big.

The receipt says there are 30 days to return and that takes it to 30 Dec.

I’m a bit disappointed that yet again I’ve got a useless present, but more practically I don’t want to be outside the return period.

Should I tell him I found them and they’re too big (YANBU) or suck it up, (YABU) smile and send it back as soon as the post office opens after Christmas…….and swap it for something I really want from that shop ;)

OP do you not find it weird he got your size completely wrong? XL vs M? That’s very odd and I’m finding it weird you’re not emphasising that point more

@Freeyourminds he was annoyed by the way I reacted in front of the kids apparently.
I looked at the sizes and said no and threw them back on to his lap. It was bratty but I still completely stand by how annoyed I was!
It was out of character in it’s crap ness which is what made me even more irritated cos he’d had more time than usual to shop and produced much worse results!

I absolutely hate buying presents for adults. I’m certain I’m terrible at it—not because I’m lazy, but because I always think that adults can just buy what they want. I would rather people simply told me what they want (specific, with a link or I'll keep looking at the shop forever and still not know. I don’t care much about receiving presents either.
Children, of course, are different. I make sure my kids have something really special —not lots of meaningless gifts, something I’m confident they’ll love.

how can he be so bad now when he use to buy you nice presents

he works in central london an doesnt go near any nice shops-yea ok

It sounds like when she says things she would like, he ignores it anyway, like the tickets to a show.

OP you need to learn the game of gift giving in marriages and couples. Many men are CRAP at finding gifts. In the months before you should be priming him with things online that have taken your eye and you'd like.

It's so easy to do and saves all this hand-wringing and cack-handed gift-giving that makes no one happy. Be more proactive.

They are not mind-readers. And that's fine. Just play the game. Send him links of stuff you want so he gets visual clues and prices up front.

Then remind him and drop some hints, "oh I saw Betty my co-worker today, wearing that beautiful necklace I sent you last month, from Tiffany's. It's so gorgeous in real life. I'd really love something like that myself - but well, it's not Christmas yet, is it? LOL!"

As for the leggings I'd ask him if they were for him? If they're XL - well - who else would they be for? Ask him if they're his new gym gear and sound genuinely bemused when he says they're for you.

I'd also get a little tut tutty at this point and write down on a piece of paper for him and stick it on the fridge with your sizes so he CAN'T ever forget again.

If you actually tried them on they can't be that far off to look at. Or you wouldn't have bothered trying them on it would have been obvious

The easiest thing here is to just pretend you haven’t seen them, thank him profusely but express regret they’re too small. His job to return them by 30th and replace with the correct size.

I'd be annoyed by that too.

Oh come on, that's just making it easy for them to be lazy.

It's also manipulative and juvenile.

"They are not mind readers" ??? They live with their wives or partners. They should make a bloody effort to figure out what they want.

Be had no hesitation to spoil Christmas Day for you though, did he?

I'll just go full MN and tell you he is having an afair with a two sizes bigger girl.

Just tell him you've found them and they are the wrong size. If you don't he'll then expect you to go to the trouble of rushing to send them back in the time limit.

I'd also tell him what you told us in your op. List the shops he walks past that you like

She’s dropped hints previously and it hasn’t worked.

He's possibly on the spectrum. She needs to be more direct.

He's possibly on the spectrum, therefore trying to imagine what someone else wants is the path to failure. QED.

Be blunt OP.

@Tillow4ever

I think asking for a receipt because it's a duplicate or the wrong size is very different to asking for the receipt do a "Rachel Green" (for non-Friends fans she basically always returned gifts for store credit). There's nothing wrong with doing that, and as the giver you should want them to be able to make use of the gift you bought!

Yeah if something is the wrong size or you have it that's entirely fair. But asking for a receipt or giving it back because you don't like it is just rude as a general rule. The act of gift giving is an act of charity and being transactional about it and immediately thinking about what you could have had is tacky.

But I also think there's a huge difference between buying a gift for someone you don't know that well and buying a gift for a spouse or intimate partner. Your other half should a) know you well enough to be able to hazard an educated guess about what you want and b) love you enough to care that they get it right.

I'd cut a lot of slack to someone I don't know well if they bought me an item of clothing I wouldn't wear: I would suck it up rather than asking for something else. The fact they've gone to the bother to do it shows a lot of effort and consideration. A Christmas present for a spouse is more or less mandatory and being that slapdash about it suggests a lack of care and investment.

@girlsyearapart yes, it’s more that, he had plenty of time, to choose something for you that would of been suitable.I totally get, because of this it was annoying, you definitely weren’t being the bratty one.

@DogSmiles I don't see the point of hints - if there's something you really want just say so.
We encourage children to write Christmas lists and letters to Santa but apparently as adults we are all meant to be mind-readers and faff around with hints.
Gift lists are the way to go. Everyone gets a gift. Everyone happy.

I agree. I was responding to a poster who told her to drop hints.

I just said that her DH has a secret lover who is a big, fat heffer.
But I now realise that is offensive to fatties and to heffers

😂

It’s also offensive to the dictionary- heifers.

People were saying it was funny after it was deleted, others were asking what the comment was, because they could do with some humour, asking for it to be repeated.The person who said this has apologised.Lot’s of people were not offended.

It sounds disappointing and would be a bother to change sizes when it gets so busy at this time of year, with many people exchanging or returning gifts. I think direct communication is the best. During November, have a conversation about all presents for relatives and friends, and keep a list. Discuss the budget and also how many items for stockings for the family.

Then at least there’s agreed-upon rules. You could even discuss what size clothes everyone is and tack it to the fridge, snap a photo and send to DH to keep on his phone🎄