To be VERY concerned about unattended 7 year olds?!

[Iamthedoctor]

I am actually gobsmacked. For once in my life.

I have just been reading another thread and a couple of people have said that they allow their 7 year olds to walk to school on their own WITHOUT making sure that they go in the gates.

HELLO?!!!

DD is 8. There is NO WAY on this earth would I allow her to walk to school on her own!

Worst case scenario:

DD walks to school by herself. I don't see her go in. Some arsehole snatches her. I don't know about it until AFTER school, because the school don't ring me to say she hasn't arrived. Cue police/newspapers/radio/manhunt.

I feel very strongly about this! It's madness!

Fair enough, allow them to walk HOME from school (then you KNOW that they have arrived!), but PLEASE think about what you are doing!

We have let ds walk the 10 minutes to school on his own. Twice being followed surreptitiously(to his chagrin) and once totally on hos own. We did ring the school to check he had arrived - but they would have rung us anyway if he wasn't on the register. Now that it is lighter again, we will start letting him walk on his own.

I am not worried about abductions: the odds of that happening are infenitismally small. I am more concered about traffic, but we have been training ds from as soon as he could walk to cross roads well and he is very good with roads and traffic judgement.

It is about personal choices as parents. I personally think that it is more important to teach kids trust and independence - and for me, walking to school on their onw is part of that process - than worry about the tiny chance of an abduction.

But I itally respect that others have different perceptions about that risk.

We have taught ds to "manage" the risk (traffic) that is real. He also knows not to go anywhere ith strangers - which is the most I think we need to do with.

We do now leave him occasionally for 15 minutes in the house with strict instructions not to open the door or answer the phone.

He also frequently (mostly! ) plays for long periods outside in our very large garden with me not able to see him.

I am sure it is no coincidence that he is a happy, confident child who is happy to play on his onw - but equally, plays well with other children.

...now, if I oculd jsut get that indepdendence to extend to him pouring his own breakfast cereal and to helping more around the house......

I was getting a landrover to school at the age of 7 which would pick kids up from the door and drop them off at school. The driver would let little girls sit in the frnt. None of us wanted to. I don't recall anything bad happening but there was a general mis-trust amongst us kids. At 9 I was walking to school on my own (it was about 5 minutes away) or with my siblings. At 10 I was walking 2 miles to school and back!

I don't know if thigs were different back then, or if I was better off because I was in the countryside, but I think it's a bit neurotic to feel scared that there's an abductor round every corner.

I don't get the 'inflammatory' point made by the op only that she has a strong view on this matter. Even if she is inflammatory I don't see why a 'counter-attack is reasonable'. Was she attacking a viewpoint (FAQ's?) from another thread? If so it went over my head I'm afraid.

Stolen children is the stuff of nightmares and it is prevalent in the news here and abroad so I think it natural that some parents respond anxiously and want to protect their little ones in whichever way seems to work for them. The media feeds our fears regardless of whether we have in fact no more to fear than our own mothers did when we were small.

I will probably be more worried about lunatic drivers on the school route tbh.

Parenting habits have changed in other ways too. We mostly don't wallop our children anymore. Most parents would probably pop outside to enjoy a fag (I do) rather than chuff away at the kitchen table as my mother did - so well done Faq

And another thing! 11 m babies are famous for poking their fingers in electrical sockets, tumbling down the stairs, stuffing mummy's cigarette lighter in their mouths, so it makes sense to be nearby so you can at least hear the wardrobe crashing onto them (happened here) or the choking fit.

I'm certainly not going to win any trophies for my mothering skills but I believe we all have a right to be over-protective if that's how we are.

And FWIW Squonk is the funniest

As for leaving a child in the house, I wouldn't personally do it unless they are old enough to get out in case of fire- and unless they are awake. So that means about 7ish, as far as I'm concerned.

Yes, they may panic, but so do grownups in fires, occasionally. There have even been cases where children have died trying to rescue their parents. The better the fire drill, the less risk that anyone will panic.

I drill my children in various scenarios- how do I deal with a fire, how do I deal with an injury, how do I deal with stranger danger? Not least, I have made it perfectly clear that if there is a fire when I am at home, they MUST get out and not wait for me to rescue them, nor try to rescue me. Get out, raise the alarm!

I have to admit that I am influenced by the fact that I grew up, and still have most of my family, in Sweden, where children learn to cope alone with outdoor situations from a very early age. 10yos would be allowed to go to the beach in a group, to go skiing and to take out a boat. You would expect a 9yo to recognise for instance the signs of hypothermia and know what to do, to have been trained in how to deal with someone falling through the ice into the water, and to use basic tools in a safe manner. I can't get over that so many of my dd's friends seem so gormless! Sorry, that was rude. They're charming children. Just incompetent.

"I REALLY don't think that it should be the responsibility of the school to call if a child doesn't arrive. Teachers are there to teach, NOT to spend time checking up on kids that haven't arrived. IMO, it should be up to the PARENTS to call the school or get their kids to school safely." by IATD

Are you for real? Of course the school is responsible for the child once through the door.

I would be amazed if you could find an example of a primary school that wouldn't be concerened if a child was absent with no word from home. It's one of the reasons a register is taken.

IATD - I think you are just starting to stir now.

FAQ sounds like she lives in the ideal situation for letting her DS walk to school. I don't understand how you can judge, and yes you are judging, without knowing someones situation and day to day life.

Also - I have never owned a baby monitor, Personally don't think they are necessary (and guided by my best friend - GP, as is her dh) - who only acquired a baby monitor for her 4th child who had specific developmentla and physical problems so needed to be monitored).

And yes, I did go out to hang the washing up without taking ds with me - even though that was a floor awa (with live on the first and upper fllor of a big house) - becasue I don't conider that a sleeping baby in a cot is at any particlar increased risk.

Unless you are attachement parenting, a child is not with you ever single minute of every single day.

Mehgalegs - yes, ONCE THEY ARE THROUGH THE DOOR!

The register is there for many reasons.

What is so hard to believe about my views of parents have a responsibility to know that their child has arrived SAFELY through the school gates?!

But you wouldn't do it if you didn't know your child well enough.

It's about trust to a certain extent. If you show a child you trust them it can only do them good.

Have you had a bad experience that has prompted you to think tjhis way.

How old is your DD?

Sorry reread op and see she is 8/

ok Iam - if you don't believe it only takes me 2 minutes I'll post just before I leave, and post as soon as I get back this afternoon

(please allow 30 seconds either side for computer being awkward coming off standby/MN being slow for me)

I think there is bound to be a difference between parents's views according to the area they live in.

I live in a biggish city where the council have gone to a great deal of trouble to encourage walking to school. As a result, at school run time the streets are crowded with people making their way to the local schools. Good community spirit means people know each other and look out for each other's children. Three roads on our route: one with traffic lights, two with lollipop ladies. And, since all this walking started, fewer cars on the road. Seems a pretty safe scenario to me.

From the age of 6 my mum used to watch me get the bus from the stop outside our house, then I'd get off at the stop outside the school gate and make my merry way in.

''It was acceptable in the eiiiiiiiiighties, it was acceptable at the tiiiiiiime''

It's acceptable in many other European countries, DWP.

Acceptable in 2008 in many European countries, I mean.

I'm confused. Is this entire thread about faq's dc going over the road to school?

Same with school buses in the u.s.a

Age 8 or 9 I was getting a train into Glasgow and then 5/10 minutes (including up a narrow path) to a ballet lesson. I winter this would have been in the dark.

I am proud of the responsibility and independence that my parents accorded me. They trained me to do it and had confidence in my judgement and maturity.

Their responsbility was in training me to do and to know that I was sufficiently mature to get there and back without doing anything silly.

I would do the same for ds - only in today's age, I am concerend that I owuld be judged for people like Iamthedoctor.

Fortunattely, we seem to have made freinds locally (both via school and neghbours) with like minded people, and thi ssummer we are considering letting ds go to the park (5/10 minutes away) with a friend on their own (the first couple of times followed by us). He wuold be told to be back in, say, 2 hours, so during that period I wouldn't know what was happening.

Will I be worried? Of course - it is difficult letting go of the apron strings - but after the first few times, I will be happy that he has the confidence and the nouse to look after himself.

yes mostly but it's not as long as the first thread I did on this almost exactly 3yrs ago when I only had 2 DS's and posted to say I was going to leave DS2 asleep while I dropped DS1 round to his "induction" afternoon

Cory you have a point. We live in a very quiet and out of the way part of our town, and ds won't be going to our catchment school, so no other children here to walk with. His school is within walking distance, but I will be happier walking him so far so that he gets to a safe part of town to start walking alone from. That will be a while off yet though as he is only 4.

elephantsbreath - he doesn't even go over the road.

ffs

stop wasting my time people I've got work to do

Once again, I must state that this is a general post and by no means meant to be a personal attack on FAQ.

FAQ has just, unfortunatly, taken the brunt because she is one of the examples that I was talking about.

How can it not be personal to FAQ if you are using her situation as an example?

'Attack.'

Personal 'attack.'

Ok, we don't agree on views. But I didn't mean it to seem as though I was 'attacking' her.

I think FAQ is big enough to take it as she knows her own kids and her own circustances - and is confident that what she is doing is right for her.

I remember the original thread a few years ago where she got far more of a pasting! (...and I can remember agreeing with her at the time!)