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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be VERY concerned about unattended 7 year olds?!

329 replies

Iamthedoctor · 29/04/2008 18:36

I am actually gobsmacked. For once in my life.

I have just been reading another thread and a couple of people have said that they allow their 7 year olds to walk to school on their own WITHOUT making sure that they go in the gates.

HELLO?!!!

DD is 8. There is NO WAY on this earth would I allow her to walk to school on her own!

Worst case scenario:

DD walks to school by herself. I don't see her go in. Some arsehole snatches her. I don't know about it until AFTER school, because the school don't ring me to say she hasn't arrived. Cue police/newspapers/radio/manhunt.

I feel very strongly about this! It's madness!

Fair enough, allow them to walk HOME from school (then you KNOW that they have arrived!), but PLEASE think about what you are doing!

OP posts:

yorkishbirdy · 29/04/2008 20:14

Cyteen, I don't think I mentioned anything of the sort! My point is that the risk should be managed not ignored which most people do (ie they think "oh but what about the risk ... oh but it is such a small risk that it could never happen to me/mine")

Ranting, yes statistically blah blah, but the point is statistics count for shit when it is your child who is the one in a million chance. I am glad that your child had the sense but that does not mean they all will. The person here (it appears) had enough confidence of finding an easy target that they came back again, who knows when or if they will try again, maybe next time they will get lucky

FAQ I will not comment on your situation as I don't know you, your children, your home, your neighbourhood or anything else and it is your decision to make, not mine (tbh I think it is a bit unfair of anyone to try to say FAQ is wrong here without really knowing!)

Finally, I can only comment on my experiences, I have changed my view from a "children must be allowed to grow" one to one that is much more risk aware following occurances in our (very nice middle class - in case you are wondering) area!

Mercy · 29/04/2008 20:14

I would be much more at ease re letting my 7 year old walk to school than letting her go to the shop alone (or even with a friend)

Other parents etc would notice if she was being abducted but hardly anyone would if teh same thing happened on her way to the shops.

Accidents alway seem to happen to my dc when I'm having a shower actually.

may2december · 29/04/2008 20:14

IMO you are more likely to see teenagers engaging in horseplay on/near roads rather than younger children walking to school but you cannot supervise then everywhere. I think if you teach your children about road safety and stranger danger you have done your best to protect them. You cannot be with them every second and by over-protecting a child they will probably take more risks when you are not around.

nobodyputsBBinthecorner · 29/04/2008 20:15

yep custardo is direct and to the point once again... i think the op has forgotten a key point...which is the point i am somewhat halfaresedly trying to make - no two children or situation is or should tht be are, the same!

Original poster

Iamthedoctor · 29/04/2008 20:18

16/17/18 year olds have much more road sense than a 7 year old!

My child has ALOT of choices, when I feel that they are right for her. She DOES go to the shop, she DOES go to her friends. I draw the line at walking to school. She asked me if she could go swimming on her own, which was a definate no-no. She helps me cook, although she knows she is not allowed near the cooker while I am out of the room. No way would she be alone in the house.

Now i'm off for a drink with DH. And before you ask, Lottie is sleeping at her grandmothers house tonight, as she has a day off school.

OP posts:

yorkishbirdy · 29/04/2008 20:19

Our primary still does not call if a child does not arrive in the morning, they call if the child is not there by lunch registration. It is something we are trying to change but the school feels it will cost too much to call everyone who is not in after morning registration

kaz33 · 29/04/2008 20:19

Very pertinent - my son yesterday (6/ year 2) decided that he didn't want to do his after school club and unbeknown to the school left the premises and walked home. I was very suprised when he rang on the door bell

About ten minutes walk in residential area, over one road (normally quite except at school collection time because of all the bloody 4X4's).

School mortified as there procedures had failed (4-7 year old junior school), DS1 very proud, mummy had serious but calm conversation about people knowing where he was.

Its the cars I worry about not paedophiles.

ranting · 29/04/2008 20:20

But YB, my point is that, I did manage the risk, I taught my ds how to use a road properly, how to draw attention to himself if a stranger tried to run off with him etc. It obviously worked, didn't it.
And actually children (as has been mentioned) are far more likely to be molested or murdered even, by a person known to them. Ergo, they are probably far more 'at risk' being left alone with a teacher than they are on a two minute walk to school.

yorkishbirdy · 29/04/2008 20:21

Maybe I have missed something but I can't see anywhere that IATD has said anything about restricting her daughter beyond wanting to walk to school with her, I don't understand why she is getting this level of hostility!

Kif · 29/04/2008 20:21

The OPs scenario of 'abducted on the way to school' doesn't depend on the age of the child.

By that argument, you certainly shouldn't let your 17 year old to walk to sixth form, because at that age school wouldn't phone to ask why they hadn't arrived. Not that much more difficult to bundle a teenager into the back of a van than a child. I think teenagers are also more likely to go AWOL on purpose - whether it's boyfriends or bullying.

Mercy · 29/04/2008 20:21

YB, surely it's the parents responsibility to phone the school if children are off ill or whatever.

We have to phone by 10 am.

may2december · 29/04/2008 20:25

Death caused by an accident in the home is much more likely (statistically) than the danger of walking to school alone. (Falls are the most common accident, while house fires account for the most deaths) Although parents can do a lot to reduce many of the risks they cannot eliminate them - same as walking to school.
A question doctor, would you let your dd go on a school trip?

Mercy · 29/04/2008 20:26

Fair point kif.

pedilia · 29/04/2008 20:26

My 7 year ols walks to schol by himself, the school is 400 metres from our front door, there are no roads just straight up the path.
I always ring the school if he is off for a day and they would ring me if he has not arrived and I have not phoned.

The chances of him being snateched by someone are minimal, he is more likely to seriously hurt himself on the trampoline, be invovled in a car accident, injure himself coming off his bike than be snatched!!!

The OP just sums up the hysteria that is sweeping this country in relation to child kidnapping, yes it happens but it is rare. So exactly how old should he be before he is allowed to walk????

yorkishbirdy · 29/04/2008 20:27

Ranting, my point is that you clearly did yes! But arguing that children this age should be able to walk alone based on the fact that your child was capable is, frankly, a bit silly, as I said, you did your job right and your child managed to put it all in to action when it mattered most, well done. However, that does not mean it will be the same for everyone.

How many women have been raped and they feel it was their fault simply because they were too scared to shout or fight or disobay? No matter how much we know what is the right thing to do, in the critical moment we can forget it all - adult or child!

keevamum · 29/04/2008 20:29

I will not comment on any individual's situation as I don't know you, your children, your home, your neighbourhood or anything else and it is your decision to make, not mine. However, having said that I wouldn't allow my 7 year old to walk into school on her own or leave either her or her 2 year old sister on her own at home ever. I always think there's too much risk that something could happen both at home but also to me out at the shops and it is just a risk I won't take, yet. I have let her walk to the post box on her own and I let her walk on ahead with me safely supervising her. I am not sure when I will really let her off the leash so to speak but only when I feel really confident. Eldest DD is off with the fairies a bit too so she does need to prove herself to me a bit. Just wanted to post a slightly alternative opinion as most posters are very pro-letting ch walk to school, but as I have said this is my opinion of my daughter and I wouldn't judge others situations.

yorkishbirdy · 29/04/2008 20:29

Mercy, yes it is, my point was that, our school will just sit and wait to hear from you until after lunch registration so if something happened on the way to school it would literally be hours before a parent was called.

Mercy · 29/04/2008 20:31

ok, I understand now. Fair enough (again!)

lululemonrefuser · 29/04/2008 20:35

I'm fairly astonished by these primary schools that don't call if the children aren't at registration, but perhaps that reflects the fact that because so few children come to school on their own it is assumed they are all delivered by an adult, and therefore safe. It's a bit catch 22, isn't it?

pointydog · 29/04/2008 20:36

All you lot whose schools don't phone - get in touch with them, start a campaign, tell them what a good idea it is.

Remotew · 29/04/2008 20:36

It's not worth putting a child at risk imo. See them into school or arrange for someone else to see they get there safely. If you live across the road then you can see them into school from your own front door and that's great.

Also its not that difficult to try not to leave a child under the age of 9 or 10 depending on how sensible they are alone in the house.

ranting · 29/04/2008 20:38

So by that logic YB, I should shut, not only my dd but myself in the house in case god forbid I should get raped, beaten or worse.

We all make choices that affect our (and our childrens) lives and the quality of those lives, I just don't think it is worth sacrificing my personal freedom, just in case something terrible happens.

It is an unfortunate part of parenting that no matter what terrible fate happens to a child, a parent will feel guilt, so I think the guilt thing is a complete misnomer.

yorkishbirdy · 29/04/2008 20:38

PD we are trying but it is surprisingly difficult - even when we offered to set up a rota of parents who would stay until 9.45 just to call any children who were not registered or whose parents had not called. All the school had to do was provide the contact file, a phone and a chair! (oh and pay the phone bill I guess )

yorkishbirdy · 29/04/2008 20:41

Ranting, please don't put words in my mouth, it is pointless and inflamatory. I am not saying anything of the sort I am saying that, following a couple of potentially nasty happenings in our area and a bit of a re-think about how a child may react in a scary situation my views have changed.

That is it, that is all I said.

FairyMum · 29/04/2008 20:42

This scenario sounds perfectly safe to me.

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