Refusing to eat as a means of control??

[Bluecatblu]

I have recently learnt that SIL will sometimes refuse to eat when she is upset / angry at DB. She will go without food for 1 or 2 days without food or until DB repeated asks her to eat.

Has anyone experienced someone doing this? The refusing food is intentional; she refuses to eat despite being hungry.

A friend says it’s a form of control but another said it’s a form of self abuse.

Yes I have seen this many times. It is self harming manipulation - if you don't do what I want, I will do this to myself and it is your fault. DH is ND and did it for years.

My former MIL used to do this. She was a drama queen anyway and she loved being the centre of attention. If we went out for a meal she could never eat anything on the menu and would announce that she’d just sit there while we all ate. It effectively ruined the occasion for everyone else. She would say it was for health reasons but this was the woman who showed me, a nurse, her Temazepam telling me it was for her heart. 🙄

Yep, my DD who is autistic and has mental health problems does this. With her I think it's a form of self-sabotage -there's something she's not coping with and rather than risk trying to do it and failing, she picks a fight about something completely different, refuses to sleep or eat, and then says it's my fault she couldn't do whatever it was because I upset her and made her ill! It's great fun (not). 😭

why assume she’s even mentioned her SIL? She could as easily said she’s concerned about a friend/ work colleague etc

It's a form of manipulative behaviour that is best either ignored or called out with a clear, "well that's your choice", and walking away.

If a person is not diabetic and drinking enough water, I wouldn't think a day or two of fasting is harmful.

Id let her carry on.

I think she has a right to be concerned. People gossip about others all the time behind there back. If people weren't bitching about others on Mumsnet would you bother coming back again if it was all sweet and pleasant? You come across as a hypocrite if you say the opposite.

Me too, she’ll eat eventually. A healthy adult woman would be fine for a couple of days with no food. I often skip meals if I’m under stress at work. Unless I was visibly poorly DH wouldn’t say anything about my eating habits.

She wouldn't be talking about it if she wasn't worried. Her brother has to live with someone who is emotionally illiterate.

Sounds manipulative to me.

Control
Self abuse

It's a MH issue in reality

It's self sabotage.

Your SIL has clear mental health problems, issues around food and intake control. She obviously uses food to control emotional pain/upheaval.

I'd be worried by this sort of behaviour because it's upsetting to everyone else around, but I wouldn't blame or judge your SIL. She obviously has serious emotional issues. I'd ask whether she has CPTSD or what went on in her childhood to develop a disorder like this.

I do this. It’s a form of control….when everything is out of control the one thing I can control is what I do or don’t eat. I also don’t feel hungry when stressed but if I don’t force myself to eat it can become an issue. I guess it can be seen as self harm too.

I’d encourage anyone in a relationship with someone who does this, to up and leave immediately. This is toxic, selfish, unhealthy, abusive and manipulative.

And for me it’s not manipulative because I don’t tell anyone I’m not eating. It doesn’t make me unwell, I usually make up for it when I’m feeling better.

No it's not

It's a MH issue

Ooh this is fascinating. My Dad's late wife would do this sort of thing. Cook us all a huge dinner then eat nothing.

Flipping weirdo.