Dad refusing to accommodate SEND daughter's needs at wedding

[Fabbyfloofloo]

Please help.

My children are close in age. One has SEND. Dad is getting married in January and has refused to accommodate SEND child's needs. But has agreed for NT child to go.
Do I let NT go and keep SEND one with me? Or refuse to let either of them go on principal?
Backstory: there is domestic abuse, coercive control and a history of manipulative and verbal abuse towards both children from Dad.
TIA

Thank you!! I'm stunned this isn't being brought up more. Add to your list the part where he sent abusive messages to the SEND daughter.

OP - why are you facilitating this at all?

You can report the thread and ask MNHQ to edit the title if you want.

The number of people suggesting one daughter should go after they've been told the backstory is quite frankly insane. But not at all unusual for MN.

Thank you for all the responses. I was so torn today and felt in an untenable position. The majority verified what I was already thinking - that both children shouldn't attend. I appreciate your honesty, and now feel like a weight has been lifted.

Good decision OP :)

Have you had any support to help deal with his abuse? This is one of those situations where it's obvious to anyone with brain outside of the relationship what needed to be done but you will still be so affected by his treatment of you it's impossible to see the obvious stuff.

Have a lovely lovely day with your small ppl & maybe try to find a way to work through theclouded thinking he's left in his wake.

Fwiw...anyone who excludes their own child due to them being ND is a cunt of the highest order.

😂 😂

From your dad or their dad? I'm confused.

Very clearly their dad. OP has given lots of updates.

I don't think I've ever been so distracted that I forgot the sex of my firstborn child.

It's a Christmas miracle! 😂 😂

It's ok, I've reported this and explained my distraction. Hopefully admin will be able to change it to daughter 🙏

@IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine I change my child sex and approximate age across threads sometimes ( within a year or 2) because I try not make things too identifiable. I like keeping my user name. Other people might also be doing this sometimes.

Me too.

Backstory: there is domestic abuse, coercive control and a history of manipulative and verbal abuse towards both children from Dad.
TIA

Why does he have any contact at all?

@maddening I think sometimes when there's not a great deal of contact it's safer to not rock the boat. If he's one of those controlling types, trying to block things or formalise visitation can make it worse. I only know this from all threads I've read and multiple documentaries on TV where the worst abusers force access, they get it and it is all just to upset the ex or show them who is in control.

From all I've seen the kids and mums are not adequately protected by the law right now. ( I'm no expert I appreciate).

I think she's playing the right way in this particular situation she has.

I'd find a video on YouTube of a full wedding ceremony. The longest, most boring and unchild friendly one you can find and show it to NT child just 'so she knows what to expect'

Lots of talking to your friends on the phone where DDs can hear about how fucking boring weddings are and how long and how you hate sitting still and silent for so long then having to make drunk conversation with even more boring relatives, how the girls will be the only children there. Also mention that wedding cakes are disgusting fruit cakes so there won't even be any good grub but XH is trying to make it sound fun for them but it won't be.

Then ask if they're SURE they want to go. Or would they rather do xyz fun activity that can only be done on that date.

Probably not within the same thread, though.