Friend asking for money

[Goldilock1234]

Good Morning All,

I have been advised by another friend to post on here for some unbiased advice, so here I am.

Bit of back story on myself. Single mum working full time, my daughters father decided to die on me 10 years ago so no help from him (sorry for my dark humour) - got 30k in an inheritance pay out last Jan. I have never had spare money- I have enough to get by, but never any savings etc. This money has obviously given me a lovely boost.

The June after I received the money I had a message from one of my best friends saying she was in trouble and needed to borrow 6k urgently or she would lose her house. She promised I would have it back the following month. She did not pay it back and it got to the awkward stage of her never mentioning it where I had to bring it up. She kept promising weekly that she would pay the money into my account that Friday. It never came- there was always an excuse of why she couldn't pay. It got extremely stressful and the excuses of why she couldn't became ridiculous.

Anyway, it got to the point that she was going on luxury holidays and bought a new car so I met up with her and flat out said it was causing me a lot of stress and I was panicking it was not coming back. I know people say not to lend money you don't have spare but honestly I thought the friendship was strong.

Long story short she sent it back, I had a discussion about how it had made me feel mugged off and we moved on. I made a vow to myself never to lend money again.

She has messaged me this morning asking to borrow 4k again as she has overspent on something and is unable to pay off a debt on her mortgage again and is saying she will pay it back next week.

I now feel awkward and disappointed. I am not lending it to her after the stress of last time and I am just very upset she seems to be seeing me as a cash cow- despite knowing how much I have struggled and this is the first time I have been able to provide stability and a stable plan for my daughters future.

Now I also feel like I should be helping her as the money is there (but it is not spare money to me- it's sitting there but it's allocated in savings to something), but I do not want to go through this process again with her of trying to get it back.

Thankyou.

I have a feeling that she may not pay you back at all this time. She may be willing to write the friendship off for £4k because she knows you're on to her and no longer see her in the same way.

The richest person I know was the worst at returning money.

Say no.

And stop being her friend. She isn't your friend. She's a twat.

Absolutely DO NOT give her your money. Don't feel guilty. She is a complete CF!

Never, ever lend this cheeky fucker even a tenner after what happened the first time. What an absolute user. Don't feel guilty! I'd actually be backing off from this friendship after the first time. She's taking the piss.

YABU even considering lending her the money again. I hope you don't do it.

Do not lend her a single penny, you've learnt your lesson from last time, don't put yourself in that awkward position again.

Omg, OP! The cheek of her! Please DO NOT even think about this for a second more. Just reply saying you're not able to help. I wouldn't recommend saying it is tied up in investments or a high interest account for a year, as other PPs suggested, as she'll just come back asking and putting on more pressure another time. Plus it's none of her f business any way! She's not a friend and has lost your trust. She can do one! Good luck x

If she didn't know about your inheritance she would be looking for the money elsewhere or staying within her budget. She obviously thinks you are a soft touch. You would be mad to lend her the money and you were very lucky indeed to get the earlier money back given that she obviously prioritised other things like holidays and cars rather than the friend who had just lent her a great deal of money. I'd have had the money locked into a term deposit regardless of free loading friends as you want that money earning and compounding interest for you rather than sitting round in a call account. You could tell her it's all locked up in a term deposit and you can't touch it if you can't be blunt.

You shouldn't feel you should be helping her as the money is there. Ask yourself why you'd risk your money when the bank who makes credit decisions on a regular basis is obviously not prepared to offer an overdraft or extension of some sort. The money you inherited is security for yourself and your daughter and not for bailing out some flaky friend. I can't even begin to imagine having the gall to ask somebody in your circumstances for a loan of £4,000 with no security whatsoever especially after I'd mucked them round about an earlier loan. She could be in a downward debt spiral and if she is then you are powerless to save her and will simply lose your money. I mean how does she afford a house, a new car and luxury holidays on her salary. I wonder if she has maxed out her credit cards and the interest has started to bite? I am a solicitor (not in the UK) and if you were my client I'd be practically begging you not to do this.

Also, she is not one of your best friends. No friend would seek to take advantage of somebody like this.

On the question of whether OP/a person in this position should give an excuse, really this depends on how likely they are to stick to their guns. Fuck off is indeed a complete sentence, and would be a reasonable response here. It's what I'd do. However, it also depends on the boundaries of the person.

OP you know yourself best. If you think you'll be able to stick to a hard no without excuse or explanation, do that. If you know you're someone who struggles with that, tell her it's in a 10 year fixed bond or you've paid it all into your pension.

And then after that, I'd be trying to extricate myself from this friendship.

Friends don't ask to borrow significant amounts of money.

Friends pay any money owed as soon as they can for decency and fear of upsetting their friend.

Friends don't cause significant stress.

Friends are pleased for other friends when they get some financial security.

This person is absolutely not your friend. Say no. Never a borrower or lender be.

I had that same feeling. She must know the dogs breakfast she made of paying back the first lot has damaged the friendship, and she clearly doesn’t care as long as she gets what she wants. I suspect OP will have to resign herself to binning the friendship once and for all otherwise the requests for money will just keep on coming.

Absolutely not. Don’t do it. Say it’s invested if you don’t want to call her out directly on her behaviour. But don’t ‘lend’ her one penny.

Tell her it's all locked in fixed term savings and you only have the income which you need yourself. Or just say sorry it took so long to get it back last time I can't risk not having access to it again.

To summarise ... she says she's got no money she knows you do, she borrows £6k off you, doesn't pay it back despite repeated promises to do so, later buys a car and a luxury holiday, you insist on being paid back, she pays it back, now she wants £4k off you again. I wonder where she got the £6k to suddenly pay you back (a couple of other "friends" and now one of them is insisting on their £4k back?) I know that's speculation but I don't think this is a true "friend" unfortunately. Sounds more like a hustler to me. I'd back off from this person tbh.

Say to her, 'I am very sorry to hear of your financial struggles but I can't help you. The money I inherited has been invested, and I am unable to access it for 2 years, so I can incur a higher rate of interest'. If she pleads, tell her that you would incur penalty charges, that you wouldn't be able to afford to pay upfront. Hopefully it will make her stop asking. She's a cheeky mare, her poor financial planning is not your problem. I would go as far as saying that she isn't a friend either, as a real friend wouldn't try to take advantage as soon as they became aware of the money.

No no no

If she keeps asking tell her you used it towards your mortgage and then cut all ties with her.

I'm saying this kindly but stop being such a doormat. She doesn't have money because when she does have it she wastes it on shit she doesn't need........you only have money because you go without to prioritise saving it. So why do you feel guilty about not giving someone money who has spent her own on herself and now wants to spend yours ?

She isn't a friend either. Ditch her, you don't need that drama in your life.

I took some of my husbands attitude through spirit lol. He would have told her to F off and stop taking the p* out of me because I like helping people when I can.

I said- Morning, unfortunately after the debacle of my loan to you last time it took a lot for me to continue the friendship as was. The fact that you see the money I have kept for my child (knowing the panic I have had for years about not being able to fund her future) as an ATM for your irresponsible spending has solidified your view of my family to me. Please do not ask for money again and I think we should take a break from our friendship, as you know after all I have been through I value my friends deeply and I feel this is no longer being reciprocated.

If she needs the money for such a short space of time - tell her to go to a pay-day lender instead. You've been burned too many times having to chase people for money that you loaned them and you're not a bank so you don't want to ruin friendships by having to chase people for your own money back.

Nope - don't lend her the money - don't lend anyone money unless you're happy to wave good bye to that money.

"You must be joking. I lent you £8,000 on (date) and you took (length of time) to repay it. Before repaying me you were spending money on a holiday and a new car. I had to ask to X times for my money. I am very hurt by this. You seem to be treating me like a cash cow, when I thought we were friends."

You are correct. Do not lend her the money. She will cause you stress again when its not returned. Stay true to your gut.

That was a good reply, OP.

Brilliant! Perfect response, well done OP

She is clearly terrible with money. People ask friends for money after they have used up credit card options, store credit and got all they can out of their family.

Never discuss with people how much money you have got as people will only try to have it off you. I would tell her you haven’t any money left (lie about paying off a loan or something) and then she will stop pestering you for it.

Good for you OP!