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Original poster

Friend asking for money

646 replies

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 09:16

Good Morning All,

I have been advised by another friend to post on here for some unbiased advice, so here I am.

Bit of back story on myself. Single mum working full time, my daughters father decided to die on me 10 years ago so no help from him (sorry for my dark humour) - got 30k in an inheritance pay out last Jan. I have never had spare money- I have enough to get by, but never any savings etc. This money has obviously given me a lovely boost.

The June after I received the money I had a message from one of my best friends saying she was in trouble and needed to borrow 6k urgently or she would lose her house. She promised I would have it back the following month. She did not pay it back and it got to the awkward stage of her never mentioning it where I had to bring it up. She kept promising weekly that she would pay the money into my account that Friday. It never came- there was always an excuse of why she couldn't pay. It got extremely stressful and the excuses of why she couldn't became ridiculous.

Anyway, it got to the point that she was going on luxury holidays and bought a new car so I met up with her and flat out said it was causing me a lot of stress and I was panicking it was not coming back. I know people say not to lend money you don't have spare but honestly I thought the friendship was strong.

Long story short she sent it back, I had a discussion about how it had made me feel mugged off and we moved on. I made a vow to myself never to lend money again.

She has messaged me this morning asking to borrow 4k again as she has overspent on something and is unable to pay off a debt on her mortgage again and is saying she will pay it back next week.

I now feel awkward and disappointed. I am not lending it to her after the stress of last time and I am just very upset she seems to be seeing me as a cash cow- despite knowing how much I have struggled and this is the first time I have been able to provide stability and a stable plan for my daughters future.

Now I also feel like I should be helping her as the money is there (but it is not spare money to me- it's sitting there but it's allocated in savings to something), but I do not want to go through this process again with her of trying to get it back.

Thankyou.

OP posts:
DemonicCaveMaggot · 02/12/2024 10:20

My mother put a similar amount into an investment scheme when my children were born. By the time they were 18 it was enough to pay for their first year of university tuition at international students' rates.

Do you want to do that or give it to your friend so she can go on holiday?

lifeisforlaying · 02/12/2024 10:22

Do not lend her the money, you know that there's little chance you're going to get it back. Her money problems are not your responsibility. If you feel awkward just say you don't have it, make an excuse.

EdgeofSeventy · 02/12/2024 10:22

'Fuck no' then block.
You'll feel better 💐

Rosscameasdoody · 02/12/2024 10:23

Galatine · 02/12/2024 10:16

Why should the OP make any excuses after the way she was treated.

Fuck off, is a more than suitable response.

Show quote history

This OP. No is a complete sentence. You don’t need to make up excuses or reasons. It’s your money, it’s staying in your bank account and she’ll have to find another way out of the trouble that she has created for herself.

NovaF · 02/12/2024 10:23

That she didn’t even call to ask and explain but sent a message! This woman is not your friend. That she has the gall to ask again just shows she has no shame and no respect for you. I cannot imagine how stressful that must have been for you the first time. Just tell her ‘Sorry, I can’t’, you do not need a reason why. And find a new friend, your dark sense of humour is ace, you will find loads in no time. Just don't ever talk to them about money!

Fairnair · 02/12/2024 10:23

@Goldilock1234 I am sorry you are really upset this morning, I would be too. Can’t believe the cheek she has to ask again, especially after she did not stick to the agreement last time.

Personally I would send her a message saying you will not be lending her any money now or in the future, and to not ask you again. You don’t need to lie or make any excuses, it’s your money. If she then starts to try to emotionally blackmail you I would then block her.

Starlightstarbright4 · 02/12/2024 10:23

TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit · 02/12/2024 09:19

Nope! No! No! No!

Tell her the money is invested and can't be touched for a long time.

Do not fall for any more sob stories and DON'T feel guilty!!

Been there, done that.

This is exactly what I would say … she can sell her car someone who has overspent on their mortgage not once but twice to the tune of 10k in total is not someone I would loan money to ever.

It would also put me in serious doubt of my friendship.

Peoniesandcats · 02/12/2024 10:24

Definitely not.

Tell her to speak to the mortgage company and let them know it will be paid next week, surely?!

Like lots of people have suggested say it’s tied up in fixed term savings if it makes the discussion easier.

Let us know how it goes 💪

thriftyhen · 02/12/2024 10:25

Absolutely DO NOT lend this person money. This is not how friendships work. Just say "no", and if necessary tell her that if she has run into money problems then she should speak to her bank or get in touch with a debt charity. If she doesn't take your advice and asks again I would suggest you try and distance yourself from her.

Starlightstarbright4 · 02/12/2024 10:25

FantasticButtocks · 02/12/2024 09:49

Send her a text for absolute clarity:

In answer to your request to borrow another £4k, After the last time - Absolutely not. Please don't ask me again.

Actually reading through I would reply this or the fuck no reply works easily as well .

Isatis · 02/12/2024 10:25

She's obviously lying. If the issue was a mortgage payment, all she would need to do is to contact the lenders and explain she will be paying a week late.

Tortielady · 02/12/2024 10:26

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 09:51

I really am very upset this morning.

Show quote history

You have every right to be. Hold onto that feeling and reply accordingly, something like this:

Hi Belladonna

Re loan of £4000

Nope.

The Bank of Goldilocks is closed. My savings are tied up in bonds for the next ten years. (Say something like this even if they are not. You want this moocher off your back permanently.)

The number for the Citizens' Advice Bureau is. . .

Regards,

Goldilocks.

Then as pps have suggested, fade her out or block her. Your refusal to act as her ATM may induce her to block you. Consider it as a price worth paying for your peace of mind.

Heylittlesongbird · 02/12/2024 10:28

I'd be honest - I'd say something like:

Hi X, you really let me down over repaying the £6k I previously lent you and therefore I'm not prepared to lend to you again.

I wouldn't pretend it's tied up or that I'd love to lend it if I could, I would want her to know exactly why. But it will explode what's left of the friendship, so might not be what you want to do.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 02/12/2024 10:29

Remember that NO is a complete sentence
but it you wish to give a paragraph in reply you can say it's invested and you need x amount of notice to withdraw it - i.e. 90 days !
and it will cost you x in interest for every day/week/month it is not in the investment account.

This is YOUR money.
YOUR security YOUR safety net

NO ONE ELSE's

RedVelvetIcing · 02/12/2024 10:29

I would assume that an excuse would follow as to why she wouldn’t be able to pay you back before Christmas if you did cave in and send it.
Flash holidays and brand new cars.. I bet she’s someone who posts endless lifestyle brags on social media. Stupid woman.

AllThePotatoesAreSingingJingleBells · 02/12/2024 10:29

She wouldn’t have had the balls to ask me as we would have had a massive fall out when she didn’t pay back the first lot. She’s not your friend. Tell her no and block her.

Saltedcarameltiramisucheesecake · 02/12/2024 10:30

You need to re frame this whole thing.

She is not a friend, she is a CF. You do not owe her financial services because you had a windfall. That is your good fortune, and you will need it, for your own benefit.
The money is not her "rainy day fund" it is yours, and your child's. If she asks again, I would just say no can do, I need money myself.

snotathing · 02/12/2024 10:30

I don't believe anybody would even consider lending money to her again. She must think you are a fool.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 02/12/2024 10:31

'I made a vow to myself never to lend money again.'

and remember that !!!

SHE needs to learn to budget

and SHE is not a good friend, she thinks of you as a mug...

Dillydollydingdong · 02/12/2024 10:31

No no no. She can get a credit card or a bank loan, like anyone else.

Edizzler25 · 02/12/2024 10:32

Just say no, no ifs or buts.

to stop her asking again if you wanted to you could say you’ve spent the rest or it’s tied up / inaccessible eg paid it off your mortgage or something

BigDahliaFan · 02/12/2024 10:32

That's a horrible feeling that someone isn't who you though they were. It's a lot to process.

But step away from the money lending....

Vaxtable · 02/12/2024 10:34

Just say no. If you need to give an excuse tell her it’s all in long term funds you can’t access

Paganpentacle · 02/12/2024 10:34

Tell her its locked away in a high interest account and you dont have access to it.

Then tell her to fuck right off.

Lifeomars · 02/12/2024 10:34

ThianWinter · 02/12/2024 09:19

Don’t lend her any more money, simply tell her the money is accounted for and she’ll have to get an official loan from the bank.

I wouldn't even say that, just give a straight "No I cannot ever lend you any money ever again" if you start to give reasons it gives her a metaphorical foot in the door and she could use this to try and push your boundaries. She will probably say things like "the bank won't lend me money, I am desperate and you are such a good friend". A hard inflexible "NO" is all she needs to hear