Friend asking for money

[Goldilock1234]

Good Morning All,

I have been advised by another friend to post on here for some unbiased advice, so here I am.

Bit of back story on myself. Single mum working full time, my daughters father decided to die on me 10 years ago so no help from him (sorry for my dark humour) - got 30k in an inheritance pay out last Jan. I have never had spare money- I have enough to get by, but never any savings etc. This money has obviously given me a lovely boost.

The June after I received the money I had a message from one of my best friends saying she was in trouble and needed to borrow 6k urgently or she would lose her house. She promised I would have it back the following month. She did not pay it back and it got to the awkward stage of her never mentioning it where I had to bring it up. She kept promising weekly that she would pay the money into my account that Friday. It never came- there was always an excuse of why she couldn't pay. It got extremely stressful and the excuses of why she couldn't became ridiculous.

Anyway, it got to the point that she was going on luxury holidays and bought a new car so I met up with her and flat out said it was causing me a lot of stress and I was panicking it was not coming back. I know people say not to lend money you don't have spare but honestly I thought the friendship was strong.

Long story short she sent it back, I had a discussion about how it had made me feel mugged off and we moved on. I made a vow to myself never to lend money again.

She has messaged me this morning asking to borrow 4k again as she has overspent on something and is unable to pay off a debt on her mortgage again and is saying she will pay it back next week.

I now feel awkward and disappointed. I am not lending it to her after the stress of last time and I am just very upset she seems to be seeing me as a cash cow- despite knowing how much I have struggled and this is the first time I have been able to provide stability and a stable plan for my daughters future.

Now I also feel like I should be helping her as the money is there (but it is not spare money to me- it's sitting there but it's allocated in savings to something), but I do not want to go through this process again with her of trying to get it back.

Thankyou.

No. It's a her issue not a you issue

She's not your friend

Excellent reply OP! Well done.

Yes well done. This is not a friend. This is someone who thinks bitterly of you behind your back for having the £30k, resentful of it for you, and thought why shouldn't she have a load of it.

To then lie to you repeatedly about paying it back, while booking holidays, is just the height of shitness. I mean really.

It's a shame that the friendship has ended but being honest, she is not really your friend and you cannot afford to keep her close.

I'd love to see her response tho....!! Honestly did she think she was just going to avail herself of that money? The nerve!!

Absolutely not. Tell her it's tied up and you can't access it.
I've been on both sides of this myself. People were very kind and helped me out when l was struggling, and l've helped others out.
Loaned my ex 16k when he was off work with an industrial injury, when he got his compensation he paid back half, said he'd pay me the rest in instalments, then started saying he 'didn't think it had been that much'. I'm still waiting.
If you've had to chase her for repayment in the past, don't go there.

Invested
cannot access

she wants to buy something she cannot afford.

the end.

That was a good response.

If she had paid you back when she said she would last time instead of blowing it on holidays it wouldn't have come to this. This is all on her.

Yes, I spoke to a friend/ colleague this morning and she said 'post it on mumsnet, it's a forum where people give harsh reality advise if you need to hear it from other people'.

That's what advice forums are for no?

No, I would say people using advice forums....for advice?

You should give lessons on how to write back "ODFOD" responses to CF'ers. I think there would be a huge uptake for taking that class.

Your response was perfect!

I think OP was asking more from the point of view of how to frame the refusal, not that she was asking whether she should lend the money - she was clear in her first post that she had no intention of doing so. And it seems that she got the input she needed because she updated with the excellent response she sent - which you clearly missed before posting.

another vote for say money is invested for a long time, do not evan lend them ten pounds

Not even going to read - don't lend friends money

That's a zinger of a response. No wiggle room.

An excellent response!
And if she’s got a new car, why isn’t she selling that? She’d rather borrow from you than put herself out..Anyway, it’s a lot of money to lend to someone who had to be pushed to repay the last time. If you lend her the money again, be prepared not to get it back, and for her to see you as a bank long term.

Glad you put her straight OP.

I had a similar situation a few years back. I said: "I'm sorry, I never lend money to friends anymore, after having had some bad experiences in the past."

Solid response there.

Glad to see your update op, and well done on putting in boundaries. Some people are not real friends - this woman is a user. Horrible when you find out but defo better to know.

I wouldn't make a liar of myself tbh. I don't think there's any need. The OP has given a measured response which I think is better than a lie. I agree with you irresponsible people approach friends usually when they've run out of other options. The friend will probs try and tap up another person for the money. It will likely all cave in when there's nobody left she can extract money from, but that's her problem. I wish OP and her DD well

No don't help her. You helped her out before and she messed you around.
I learned the hard way not to lend money to family/friends. In my case it was family who needed money and I had it to give. getting it back was ridiculous. The date got moved, can I give you half this month ect. Every month was a new excuse. Then had the audacity to ask why I was so bothered as "I had money". Yeah cause i worked and spend wisely which they very much were not doing when they should have been paying me back. Once I got the money back I've never lent them another penny. I was honest and said to them don't ever ask for money agin as it will be a hard no. They still ask but I just say no now and don't get into a discussion about it.

Like come on, the fact you even have to ask a bunch of strangers on here is worrying...of course you don't lend the money.

Good for you OP! After everything you have been through, losing your husband and your daughter losing a father, then her not paying £6k back as arranged she is an absolutely awful person. It must have galled you watching her go on holidays and buy cars with your money that you could have had earning interest. People can be absolutely appalling. You lost your friend a long while ago and you don’t need friends that treat you like that.

.

Well done, OP. I’d also seek advice from CAB about getting the £6k back. Hopefully you have a paper trail that makes it clear it’s a loan. Even if she needs to pay it at £100 a month it would be better than nothing.

Don't give her a penny. She's irresponsible with money and isn't her priority to to pay you back. Tell no you can't trust her to pay it back.

Not what OP was asking. Read her OP - she said clearly she wasn’t lending the money. It was more about how to couch the refusal and the guilt she felt leaving her friend in difficulties. MN is an advice forum. She was asking for advice.