Is this sufficient for 3 kids?

[Newnamenewnamenewnamenew]

apologies it’s long.

Posted before got a bit of a wake up call in terms of my budget. id love another child and time is ticking for me age wise, so it’s starting to be now or never. The question is can we afford it. I’d like a bit of impartial help when everything is laid out, because sometimes if feel like yeah, our income is fine (I’ve put it on that min income calculator thing online and we’re a few hundred quid up a week)

Ive worked really hard with DH do a budget, it’s below. We have 2 dc, is a third viable here? This is the here and now too, we have scope to get better jobs in the medium term and bolster our earnings. We have a small 4 bed house right now and a 7 seater car, so the ‘big’ things are already taken care of. Though we’d likely need to upsize in the future.

our gross income is £110k per year base. Bonuses can vary between £10-£15k, last year was a good year and we got £20k but that’s not the norm. 3-5% annual pay rises.

monthly income 6,400 salary + £170 (child benefit)
our living expenses (mortgage, car insurance, life insurance, food, fuel, household bills) £3130. Our mortgage is £1350, I’m confident this will go down when our fix is up though.
child savings £170 (CB)+ £100
£180 credit card (0% not too many more payments this is a mix of some work on the house and a root canal I needed)
£60 mobile phones
£500 childcare (this will reduce to about £350 in the new year)
hobbies- £75 (dance, football and swimming)
£90 car insurance
£100 days out
savings £1000
that leaves us then about £1000 which we then split equally between us and the basically give ourselves a personal allowance of about £100 a week, basically £800 a month for personal stuff. We buy kids clothes from the personal allowance as well as stuff for ourselves, haircuts etc.
which should leave about £150/£200 for us to use a sink fund for any unexpected events, if there’s none then it gets saved.

for another child we’d save the additional child benefit for that child plus an additional £50 a month. Worked out that way in the investment account that they have it could be about £25k at 18, to use for uni/ whatever (it’s the same as what we do currently)

private school isn’t a priority for us, we’ve several grammar schools around us and if that’s not a viable option we live close to one of the best state schools in the area.

we like our holidays but I shop around and I’m confident I can find holidays for 5 for not too much more than we pay now (I’ve checked)

what do we think?

OP do you have one gender? (No judgement, I do so that was factored into my decision making too)

I just can't quite figure out why you're vying for a child with this much apprehension unless it really is just hormones, perhaps because you struggled with fertility it feels odd to "stop" trying?

There is a lot of focus on this thread of what you don't have, I wonder if you've taken the time to step back and look at what you do have, and start to envision, plan for and enjoy the life that is within your control?

A decision on what?

we’re actively ttc just without success at the moment

No we have one of each

your last point is very on the nose

we’re actively ttc just without success at the moment

So you have already decided you want and can afford another DC.

I wonder if it's more a slight sadness at knowing you're finished having more babies as opposed to really feeling like you want another? It sounds like you have a good life, decent income, decent quality of life, two happy kids already. Maybe you just want to know you could as opposed to actually wanting to, if that makes sense?

I think things are easier when they’re little but three older kids is a different ballpark especially when you’re both working in higher pressure jobs. Most of my friends with three+ don’t both work full time.

Then your question isn't about whether or not to have a third but about coming to terms with perhaps having just two.

As a pp said, enjoy what you have and see what happens.

Yes and no, as I’ve never been on contraception but I get your overarching point.

well, when we started we said til the end of the year ttc, it’s the end of the year now so on my mind is do we carry on. Hence my question around money because we were trying to be if it happens it happens about it.

maybe I’m trying to console myself with, well it didn’t happen but it would’ve been a real stretch financially anyway, something along those lines

Honestly OP I don't think I'd be trying in your shoes, you sound very like me 8 years ago or so. I think you're on the cusp of coming out of these years and aren't sure whether to embrace that, or extend it. I think it's hormones, impacted by your fertility journey.

I think you have other dreams and aspirations that will be limited with 3 children, you're very lucky to have one of each, financial security, when I look at the 2 worst case scenarios I think from all you've said over these threads, the bottom one is the most likely. You've brought up lifestyle much more than you have anything maternal or about the children.

And I think deep down you know this, which is why you're doing these threads whilst TTC. I think I'd stop TTC until you've got your head in a clearer place, you should jot down how you feel over a month and see whether the fertility impulse comes vs the trepidation, and see if it is hormones.

I think this may well be it. Life has sort of paused in this place we’re in, not booking hols or anything for next year as, well we don’t know if I’d be pregnant. Maybe that mentality amplifies how in feeling. In addition to this was meant to be our last month ttc

Yeah you’re right I am incredibly lucky and blessed not only with my children that I have but also be able to spoil them and I most certainly wouldn’t want them to suffer or have to do without (my do without may be different to someone else’s) watching them grow up is such an honour and it is why I’d love another.

ttc is not kind to me mentally speaking. I revert back to that same girl who was told it won’t happen because your cycles aren’t 28 days. I know now this is untrue and the fact we conceived 2 naturally in under a year probably shows it should be fine. But yet I find myself worrying. I think the concern about money it’s preventing me from being too emotionally attached to having a third in case it doesn’t happen, because if I really set my heart to it, it will hurt more if it doesn’t happen.

I’m pretty good at my job I guess, I’m obviously not in work right now

No a lot of my friends/ people I know are pregnant right now so I wouldn’t want people thinking I’m jealous and I definitely wouldn’t want to discuss financials with them

I haven’t read all the comments but yes I’d say it’s enough. We have three kids (13, 8, 6) and have less income than you. Combined approx £5200. Mortgage £1000, other bills/food £2000 and debt repayments of £500 so £3500 altogether. After savings I’d say we have around £800 left disposable, which usually goes to get the debts down more or savings, and we manage fine. I hope this helps

Yes we come from a faith community where infertility is always pegged as the woman’s fault and couples who struggle ttc or who are childless are gossiped about. It happened with my and my first, made the mistake about opening up about my cycles and I was shunned