Is this sufficient for 3 kids?

[Newnamenewnamenewnamenew]

apologies it’s long.

Posted before got a bit of a wake up call in terms of my budget. id love another child and time is ticking for me age wise, so it’s starting to be now or never. The question is can we afford it. I’d like a bit of impartial help when everything is laid out, because sometimes if feel like yeah, our income is fine (I’ve put it on that min income calculator thing online and we’re a few hundred quid up a week)

Ive worked really hard with DH do a budget, it’s below. We have 2 dc, is a third viable here? This is the here and now too, we have scope to get better jobs in the medium term and bolster our earnings. We have a small 4 bed house right now and a 7 seater car, so the ‘big’ things are already taken care of. Though we’d likely need to upsize in the future.

our gross income is £110k per year base. Bonuses can vary between £10-£15k, last year was a good year and we got £20k but that’s not the norm. 3-5% annual pay rises.

monthly income 6,400 salary + £170 (child benefit)
our living expenses (mortgage, car insurance, life insurance, food, fuel, household bills) £3130. Our mortgage is £1350, I’m confident this will go down when our fix is up though.
child savings £170 (CB)+ £100
£180 credit card (0% not too many more payments this is a mix of some work on the house and a root canal I needed)
£60 mobile phones
£500 childcare (this will reduce to about £350 in the new year)
hobbies- £75 (dance, football and swimming)
£90 car insurance
£100 days out
savings £1000
that leaves us then about £1000 which we then split equally between us and the basically give ourselves a personal allowance of about £100 a week, basically £800 a month for personal stuff. We buy kids clothes from the personal allowance as well as stuff for ourselves, haircuts etc.
which should leave about £150/£200 for us to use a sink fund for any unexpected events, if there’s none then it gets saved.

for another child we’d save the additional child benefit for that child plus an additional £50 a month. Worked out that way in the investment account that they have it could be about £25k at 18, to use for uni/ whatever (it’s the same as what we do currently)

private school isn’t a priority for us, we’ve several grammar schools around us and if that’s not a viable option we live close to one of the best state schools in the area.

we like our holidays but I shop around and I’m confident I can find holidays for 5 for not too much more than we pay now (I’ve checked)

what do we think?

every member of my and dh’s family who’ve retired have then drastically gone down hill, I don’t think we’d keep working in some capacity for a bit

Depends what you want.

My dc are a little older now and want to do their hobbies - music, dance, sport, all expensive. Think lessons, equipment, exams/tests, shows, tournaments. All cost loads.

Plus wanting more expensive clothes/shoes. Not fancy fancy just less willing to wear supermarket stuff.

Extra costs at christmas. It can really add up.

I’d also say with post grad education, it needs to be funded or honestly one needs to consider if it’s worthwhile (sadly speaking from experience)

@Newnamenewnamenewnamenew please tell me about funded Masters degrees. There wasn't funding for mine or DS's. 2010 and 2017. DD hit lucky and did her teacher training via the apprenticeship route but whilst ds had some funding for his PhD we still had to help a bit

This is just turning into the last thread, with you having an answer for everything and not really considering what people are saying.

We can't promise you that you'll have 3 kids and have the holidays you want which is the crux of it right? Only you know the earning potential and risks in your family.

I guess it depends what type of masters degree you’re doing a stem one or an arts one.

ahrc find some masters degrees but it is rare, college scholarships also exist at a university level. Then I think if you’re doing an arts masters, you’ve got to be really honest work yourself and ask why- how will this benefit me and my career or is this learning for the sake of learning? Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with learning for the sake of learning, BUT should it be done in lieu of a job, or something along side it. It’s about the opportunity cost too.

i have several friends who have done various science masters and phds, all of which have been funded. The tone from there is if you have to self fund, it’s not worth doing or you’re not the right person. Unlike humanities where you needed a 1st to even have a whiff of funding, many of my friends had 2:1s and some even 2;2s and secured phd and masters funding, especially in medical sciences as you apply to basically a programme of research.

These kind of posts are so weird to me. You're obviously intelligent, financially savvy, well paid, have a good work set up, live somewhere with excellent services, and with enough wiggle room in your budget so it's blindingly obvious you can afford this. Why come here unless for validation? And why do you need the approval of a bunch of strangers? If it's a rebuff to naysayers on your other thread why not post there?

Like others say, this is all very (from your info, unnecessarily) financially focused and I would be seeking out advice about the impact of a third on family dynamics, mental health, practicalities and logistics.

I guess it’s lifestyle I’ve no real gauge for. As a teen I wasn’t really allowed hobbies or to go out with friends, there was 2 of us, and we lived pretty remotely. My mum didn’t really want to take me anywhere- It was awful. I had to rely on friends parents and you could tell it irritated them.

when they’re young hobbies have to be Friday or weekends. As they are close in age things like swim they are at the same class, they do the same activities so it’s not too bad. Tbh I’d just hope we’d be able to manage when they are older

I think finances are the only real tangible point I have, perhaps naively I was thinking, if we’re sound financially everything else work itself out?

i am really interested in the family dynamics though, particularly if ‘middle child’ syndrome is real. Because I’ve heard a lot of, if you have 3 you have to have 4

Them getting older (teens) is more expensive and you need more space so this comes down to what kind of lifestyles

I have found, I needed an extension to my house to create two living spaces assuming you don't want to be in the same room as the Xbox and you don't agree with this stuff in their bedrooms

Expectation of birthday and Christmas presents are higher as they enter the deep joy that is social media.

Extra tuition if it goes Pete tong at school, cars, university fees as they get older.

Only you can decide if 3 is workable. And that comes down to lifestyle.

I chose 1 as a lone parent, but I wanted my DD to go to private school etc

Crikey, no learning for the love of learning in your world then. DS's Masters wasn't paid for, his PhD was partially funded. Well worth it for him. He is an academic and turned his thesis into a monograph, rated 4*. My employer funded Prof quals for me and there was an option of working up the dissertation to a Masters. DH paid for it for my 50th 😀

So you couldn't afford childcare in your area except for this one place?

This is what I think is the spanner in the works.

There was a place like this near us a few years ago. Council pulled the funding. A lot of parents with a lot of problems because no where else was as comparably priced.

Local government is under so much pressure at the moment.

I would want to know that I could make it work paying full whack if I had to

Yes, you can. You have a huge salary, a four-bed house and a seven-seater car.

There is quite a bit you haven't explicitly budgeted for as far as I can see - birthdays/christmas, home maintenance, car maintenance just off the top of my head. Sure you can afford them, but you don't just have £££ "personal spends" - all that stuff is coming out too. Just budget for them, then you'll know how much you've ACTUALLY got as personal spends.

Agree with a PP who said don't buy kids clothes out of your allowance. Anyone I've ever known who does this, the mum ends up buying all.the kids clothes, so she effectively gets less to spend on herself and that's not fair.

Our middle child is, so far, (only 2.5 years in) an absolute legend and it’s really nice to see all the 3 different relationships interlinking. Helps that DC3 is very like both her brothers in different ways (her brothers are very different to each other) and that DC2 is very unforgettable and not a shrinking violet!

And we’re absolutely definitely done! Such a relief! No number 4 here!

I'm not sure how helpful this thread will be as everyone has different lifestyles. I have 3 kids and a joint income of 65k. So almost half yours. We don't struggle. Yes it would be nice to have a bit more but we still have holidays, no debt (apart from mortgage). 110k+would be a dream.

Because I’ve heard a lot of, if you have 3 you have to have 4

I never thought that, my 3 DC are adults now. I love having 3 DC, I love us being a gang, it’s a joy to watch how they get on with each other and the special and unique bond my DH and I have with each DC. I have never felt my time is/was spread to thinly or the teenage years a nightmare which are things you read in Mumsnet all the time.

OP I think your finances sound fine.

There’s something to be said for learning for the sake of it but at a time in which some taught masters cost £15k tuition my kids would need to look at their motivations.

i don’t want to out myself BUT I have several degrees partially funded, and the only way to really secure employment in my field was fully funded , now I work somewhere totally unrelated and earn way more than my peers who stayed in academia. Sciences again, that’s the same story but there are substantially more funding opportunities in sciences. My degrees were absolutely worthless (and yes I was at a red brick research institute)

Yes, you can. You have a huge salary, a four-bed house and a seven-seater car.

The 4 bed house wasn't very big when she last discussed it, and she enjoys holidays to Disney, this is why it's a matter of lifestyle, not survival.

It ultimately comes down to lifestyle priorities - but I really wouldn’t gloss over the responses that are trying to tell you that the expenses and logistics can increase exponentially, depending on what you want for life/the kids growing up. Some of the unexpected things for us have included

• one of mine needed to be moved to a private school due to unexpected issues.
• at least 3 of mine will need braces (about 10K each child in Australia). There have also been unexpected bills like psychology etc.
• if you have kids that are sporty (or musical, or into any other hobby in a big way), the time and cost can be astronomical. I love that mine are, but I won’t lie - it impacts our work, and our finances. I’m not sure I would have had 4, if I had known how truly expensive it would be as they got older.
• Some of the different opportunities they have through school also cost a lot
• Having one on one time with 3 is difficult.
• Holidays do become way more expensive as they get older, we are essentially buying 5 adult meals and 1 kid meal now every time we eat out. The amount of food they generally eat is off the charts!

To be honest, I probably wouldn’t do it if we only had a spare $900 a month, particularly noting that some of that isn’t actually ‘spare’ as it has to cover essential items like clothing and shoes etc…. Did I mention that my eldest has now gone up 3 sizes in a year, which has meant replacing 4 different types of shoes (2 sports related) 3 times. 12 pairs of shoes for him this year has added up.

Of course you can afford it but I think if you do it, it would be best to go into it knowing it probably will come with some lifestyle sacrifices and strict budgeting when they are older, unless one of you is likely to have a substantial pay rise over the next while. There is nothing wrong with that at all, it’s the situation for most people. I just fear if you assume it will be a cinch, you may be in for a real shock.

We could but I guess why pay more when you don’t have to, my eldest went to a different early years centre until 3, I didn’t even know this place existed until then. There are other places around we could afford, they’d cost more and would be way less convenient but they do exist

I think it’s unlikely for the funding to be pulled because it’s part of a primary school which is part of a larger matrix trust and linked to the best highschool in the area. Makes the school run a heck of a lot easier too.

Why did you need several degrees? That sounds like degree inflation or a non linear trajectory.

The blurring of lines between well educated and overqualified qualified saddens me. DS and SIL are late 20s and their joint earnings aren't dissimilar to yiur household's.

I wasn't suggesting you use a more expensive place for the sake of it

Just that you make sure you could if you had to.

All of the things you say were equally true of the one I knew that closed

to work in academia you tend to need a phd and in order to have a phd you need a masters. not sure what you mean by degree inflation

well my point of comparison is my very successful friend still in academia, humanities, done really well for herself, lecturer at a top 10 university, salary is £47k.

Why do you need strangers to tell you if should have another or not? Just get on with it or not.