Is this sufficient for 3 kids?

[Newnamenewnamenewnamenew]

apologies it’s long.

Posted before got a bit of a wake up call in terms of my budget. id love another child and time is ticking for me age wise, so it’s starting to be now or never. The question is can we afford it. I’d like a bit of impartial help when everything is laid out, because sometimes if feel like yeah, our income is fine (I’ve put it on that min income calculator thing online and we’re a few hundred quid up a week)

Ive worked really hard with DH do a budget, it’s below. We have 2 dc, is a third viable here? This is the here and now too, we have scope to get better jobs in the medium term and bolster our earnings. We have a small 4 bed house right now and a 7 seater car, so the ‘big’ things are already taken care of. Though we’d likely need to upsize in the future.

our gross income is £110k per year base. Bonuses can vary between £10-£15k, last year was a good year and we got £20k but that’s not the norm. 3-5% annual pay rises.

monthly income 6,400 salary + £170 (child benefit)
our living expenses (mortgage, car insurance, life insurance, food, fuel, household bills) £3130. Our mortgage is £1350, I’m confident this will go down when our fix is up though.
child savings £170 (CB)+ £100
£180 credit card (0% not too many more payments this is a mix of some work on the house and a root canal I needed)
£60 mobile phones
£500 childcare (this will reduce to about £350 in the new year)
hobbies- £75 (dance, football and swimming)
£90 car insurance
£100 days out
savings £1000
that leaves us then about £1000 which we then split equally between us and the basically give ourselves a personal allowance of about £100 a week, basically £800 a month for personal stuff. We buy kids clothes from the personal allowance as well as stuff for ourselves, haircuts etc.
which should leave about £150/£200 for us to use a sink fund for any unexpected events, if there’s none then it gets saved.

for another child we’d save the additional child benefit for that child plus an additional £50 a month. Worked out that way in the investment account that they have it could be about £25k at 18, to use for uni/ whatever (it’s the same as what we do currently)

private school isn’t a priority for us, we’ve several grammar schools around us and if that’s not a viable option we live close to one of the best state schools in the area.

we like our holidays but I shop around and I’m confident I can find holidays for 5 for not too much more than we pay now (I’ve checked)

what do we think?

Also something else to think about OP, your next pregnancy might be twins! Happened to someone I worked with a few years ago 😂

That’s valid.

we’re saving toward uni for them, my steer would be stay at home but if they want to go, we’re saving in an investment for them, it should be about 25-28k at maturity, so should be enough for uni

@Newnamenewnamenewnamenew I suppose it's considering the worst case scenarios with both options, which of the following scares you more:

1. living with the regret of not having the third child, particularly if your financial situation improves.
2. struggling with 3 children (for various reasons, perhaps they have additional needs, perhaps the health of someone else in the family deteriorates, perhaps your marriage breaks up, perhaps your financial situation changes so it is less comfortable than now)

I know which scares me more. You can't predict the future, you just have to risk assess for your own family, determining the most likely risks, impacts, results. And choosing the scenario you are most comfortable with.

I suppose it's considering the worst case scenarios with both options, which of the following scares you more:

1. living with the regret of not having the third child, particularly if your financial situation improves.
2. struggling with 3 children (for various reasons, perhaps they have additional needs, perhaps the health of someone else in the family deteriorates, perhaps your marriage breaks up, perhaps your financial situation changes so it is less comfortable than now)

I know which scares me more. You can't predict the future, you just have to risk assess for your own family, determining the most likely risks, impacts, results. And choosing the scenario you are most comfortable with.

I wish this ^ could be pinned to every thread on this subject. I am very risk averse and I think that young people have such a hard time these days regarding housing and jobs that it is very important to me that we give DD as much help as we can and that includes saving for Uni, house deposit and driving lessons so that she has the secure start in life that we had (because life was so much cheaper in the 90s we didn't need parental help). She was never one for expensive clubs or branded clothing so hasn't cost us much in that way. But if we'd had more than one child we couldn't afford to do it for both, and definitely not a third!

Yeah private school fees on our current salaries are firmly out of range, there are a few fee paying grammar schools that are a sort of half way house that would be in reach, they are about £5k a year. But private qua private, at 15k+ are out of scope. Luckily I don’t really agree with private schools, so it has never been a priority for me to be able to send my children there.

There are a number of free grammar schools around also, highly competitive though but that’s where we’ll be aiming to send ours. If not they are in the catchment area and feeder for a very good state school and we’ll keep trying for the grammar.

yes.

he’s not as emotionally invested, he’s more fatalistic, que sera sera about it, he’s a lot more relaxed about the finances too

Some things in life are a logical, rationale, economic decision.

And some are not.

Third children are not an economically rationale choice in a modern, western democracy today.

They are a heart choice. You have to want a third child, and want them more than anything else.

You've done two threads focusing on the economics of the decision. It seems like you are asking permission not to try and have a third child.

Because quite frankly, if you really, really wanted one, then on your situation you would not be worried about holidays. You would just do it.

Our gross income is less than half yours and we've recently had baby 3! You can afford a third child for sure. Having said that, it's about what kind of lifestyle and priorities you have as to whether you feel it's the right decision for you or not.

No, a third would starve 🙄

That £5k is the fee paying grammar schools, I’m not sure how they work but I was looking online and came across them.

i used to tutor 11+ English and verbal reasoning about 10 years ago. Think it was about £20/£25 a week but I used to teach a small class not on one one. We’ll definitely be getting tuition. Probably from y4!

Because quite frankly, if you really, really wanted one, then on your situation you would not be worried about holidays. You would just do it.

Yes I think this is true, and you're at risk of doing something you'll regret. I didn't even think about money for our second, I just knew we'd have a second, it was the 3rd when it became a much more 'brain' focussed decision which probably means my heart wasn't in it! (And zero regrets).

I think this is astute and if really sat with myself, I wonder if it’s self protectionism, an imaginary road block to if it doesn’t work out.

id be advanced maternal age (just turned 35) and we’ve been ttc for 6 months and it’s not happened yet. Perhaps sorting the finances is the one area I can control, and it’s also a ‘well we couldn’t afford it anyway’ if it doesn’t work out.

we had a bumpy fertility road (told we’d need ivf +icsi due to irregular cycles and variable sperm parameters) took about 8/9 months for dc1 and then caught the first egg for dc2. That fear of it not happening doesn’t seem to have left me

It really is.
It reeks of judgement.
PP responded in a kind way.

The OP is 34/5. That's still young for a third child in my book. I had the first at 35. A significant reason we didn't go for number 3, apart from the fear of losing another was because I was 38 when dd was born and having been pregnant almost continuously for 17 months I needed a break of 18 months. Our cut off was 41 and time and my father's cancer diagnosis overtook us.

One thing we couldn't have anticipated was dd's MH problems. She became very depressed aged 15 and we had issues with eating, cutting, overdosing, etc. At the root of it was ADHD undiagnosed until 17 because she was high performing and well behaved. It was a difficult time and a younger child would have suffered from a maternal attention deficit. There was no state help whatsoever. Once diagnosed she made a full recovery but it cost £8k plus BUPA payments of about the same and I don't think she'd have recovered and turned it round without the money to pay for MH care and support.

Go with the flow op and see what happens @Newnamenewnamenewnamenew you have plenty of time although it might not seem that way.

The OP is 34/5. That's still young for a third child in my book. I had the first at 35.

It depends on how old hers are now, I had mine early/mid 20s so having a 3rd now in my mid 30s feels way too late, not because of my own body, but the significant gap, for me, personally, it's much simpler and fairer on children to be born relatively close together. I considered my age cut off to be way before 35, for their sake, not mine.

Well it wasn’t the spirit in which it was intended as it’s something asked me, and I suppose I don’t really know