Pissed off DH dismisses my name ideas

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Currently pregnant with DC1. My favourite boys name since I was a child was “Sebastian” which he knew before I was even pregnant. He said he hated it - couldn’t give a reason, to the point where it felt like he’d once said that so felt like he had to double down.

I’m now pregnant with a girl and I’ve spent a lot of time researching and coming up with name ideas. It just so happens every name I like DH apparently “hates”. So far I’ve suggested seven names I love:

• Margot - ugly, hates it
• Ophelia - horrible, hates it
• Clementine - awful, hates it
• Octavia - cars name, ridiculous
• Etta - doesn’t even sound like a real name, awful
• Penelope - sounds old fashioned, hates it

A few days ago I came across (and fell in love with) the name Ottilie. It’s unusual but classic, feminine and pretty. I thought it would be uncontroversial! I told him I’d found another name I love and before I even told him what it was he was rolling his eyes like “oh god, here we go”. Before I told him I said “you don’t have to respond straight away when I tell you, just take some time to think about it” - thinking that his automatic reaction seems to be to dismiss the names I suggest but if he thinks about it he might actually like it!

Of course as soon as I said it he said it he said “that is awful, I’m not calling my child otter”. I said “it’s Ottilie, the NN could be Tilly” then he starts telling a story about a pregnant 17 year old called Tilly (he has a public facing job).

He says I’m over-reacting to be annoyed just because he doesn’t like a name but I feel utterly depressed. He brings nothing to the table but it feels like before I even suggest something he’s made his mind up not to like it which feels so disrespectful. I also want to have a name I love, not just settle for something and it feels like I’ve exhausted all those names having gone through thousands to pick out the ones I love.

I feel like most men would be so much more laid back about girl’s names and let their wife take the lead, unless it’s something they truly hate - but how can he truly hate every name I come up with!

There's also an English pronunciation - "Otta-lee". I don't see why that's not valid.

Because it’s not spelt ott a lie it’s spelt ott i lie.

It still needs an I in it in English.

Oh God... Way to miss the point. Sorry my phonetic rendition was not perfect. My point is that the normal English pronunciation of Ottilie is no less valid than the French and German, and indeed arguably more valid given that we live in the UK and you would sound mad addressing someone's toddler as "Otteelya" or putting on a French accent.

Yep definitely Otta-lee all the ones I've met.

Loads of English names are anglicised versions of French/ German/ Latin/ Italian names.

Can't honestly blame him those names, including Sebastian are dreadful and setting your child up for a lifetime of misery. Let him choose.

Make your point more clearly then.

The English pronunciation merely follows the German or French - either Ott i li a
or Ott i lie. No need for an accent.

What you call Ottalee is simply the English rendition of the French version.

What would you prefer?

No need to be so rude, is there? Should I have used the International Phonetic Alphabet? Or gone with "Otterly' and have furious Scotswomen accuse me of ignoring rhoticity? There is no way of transcribing a pronunciation which will please everyone and be mutually understood by all. Luckily, as social beings, we can use the power of our imagination and common sense to understand things in context.

Should you be telling the French they were very naughty to have corrupted the German pronunciation? Or is it just the English who aren't allowed to adapt names into their own language? Does this apply to all names taken from another language, or just more recently popular ones?

There is no French pronunciation because it is a vanishingly rare name. I mean french people would have a stab at it but it's not like it is a common name everyone knows.

See! Mumsnet can get so weird about names!!

Surely the issue is DH's contemptuous eye rolling and refusal to engage in the discussion. How is he going to be with all the future decisions about the DC?

@MintShaker
I mean... WHAT DOES THIS ADD TO THE THREAD? WHY do you need to tell us you hate all the names! 😂 Of course they wouldn't set a child up for 'a lifetime of misery' 😂 You sound an absolute spoon

@MixieMatchie It's not an English pronunciation though, it's a mispronunciation used by those who haven't heard it said out loud before.

Another example would be 'her-my-oh-knee' versus 'hermy-own'.

I don’t know why you’re getting in such a twist - I’ve never said the English weren’t allowed to adapt names merely that the English follow either the German or French versions.

It seems like the German and French pronunciations developed at the same time based on St Odile who was worshipped in both France and Germany.

NRTFT but we went with Felicity which is a similar vibe- just putting it out there 😀

Ottilie is not unusual any more - it has become very popular.

Get a naming baby book and have him go through it on his own and write down those he likes, then you do the same and compare lists and hope there will be some overlap!

I can see his problem - the names you have chosen are all of a piece and he clearly does not like that sort of name and is quite reasonably predicting that you will come up with similar ones.

There will be an answer!

A lifetime of misery!?

Overdramatic maybe?!

Elaborate please!

I have a Felicity too. 😊

Do you pronounce Julie with a "zh", or Charlotte with a rolled r and emphasised "lotte"? Ottilie follows a very well-worn route from French into English. I'm not sure how you want English parents to pronounce it, other than putting on a French accent. Names travel in the opposite direction too... Kevin was very popular in France and guess what, they pronounce it with "een" instead of the "in" sound they don't have.

You’re running out of time now so you need to make something happen. “Right husband, you keep rejecting my name choices without offering any suggestions of your own. Either make a list of ten names that you like or choose at least ten from this printed out list of the top 200 baby girl names, as a starting point for a discussion. If you don’t do this then I will be deciding the name by myself as you obviously don’t care enough to have any input”.

What a dick. You’re growing the Bub; name her whatever you wish. He sounds jealous/insecure

I had the same issue so one day I had a dog toy in my hand and read it. I was like what about this name? She is now named after a dog toy and everyone thinks it's a pretty name.

Sadly, Octavia has probably now gone the way of Mercedes, and is now irretrievably a car.

Maybe once you can winkle out of him a name he does like, that will give you an area to start looking for one you both like.

For what it's worth, now, I think Cassandra Ottoline is good for a girl. Beautifully classical (and Cassandra was always right) and Ottoline Morell influenced many early twentieth-century writers and artists including Dora Carrington. As a second choice Octavia (after Octavia Hill, National Trust) Margaret (after Margaret Miller who led a 30s campaign to allow married women to continue to work).
NB Ottoline is pronounced Ottoleen.
NB2: Anna and Emma are equally middle-class names.

Tell him she’s Ottillie until he comes up with a name you like better. Simple!

(if you so want a few suggestions how about: Alienor, Tabitha, Mathilde, Tilda, Ada, Edie, Beatrice, Lottie, Leonie, Thea?)