Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pissed off DH dismisses my name ideas

856 replies

Plum02 · 01/12/2024 20:42

Currently pregnant with DC1. My favourite boys name since I was a child was “Sebastian” which he knew before I was even pregnant. He said he hated it - couldn’t give a reason, to the point where it felt like he’d once said that so felt like he had to double down.

I’m now pregnant with a girl and I’ve spent a lot of time researching and coming up with name ideas. It just so happens every name I like DH apparently “hates”. So far I’ve suggested seven names I love:

  • Margot - ugly, hates it
  • Ophelia - horrible, hates it
  • Clementine - awful, hates it
  • Octavia - cars name, ridiculous
  • Etta - doesn’t even sound like a real name, awful
  • Penelope - sounds old fashioned, hates it

A few days ago I came across (and fell in love with) the name Ottilie. It’s unusual but classic, feminine and pretty. I thought it would be uncontroversial! I told him I’d found another name I love and before I even told him what it was he was rolling his eyes like “oh god, here we go”. Before I told him I said “you don’t have to respond straight away when I tell you, just take some time to think about it” - thinking that his automatic reaction seems to be to dismiss the names I suggest but if he thinks about it he might actually like it!

Of course as soon as I said it he said it he said “that is awful, I’m not calling my child otter”. I said “it’s Ottilie, the NN could be Tilly” then he starts telling a story about a pregnant 17 year old called Tilly (he has a public facing job).

He says I’m over-reacting to be annoyed just because he doesn’t like a name but I feel utterly depressed. He brings nothing to the table but it feels like before I even suggest something he’s made his mind up not to like it which feels so disrespectful. I also want to have a name I love, not just settle for something and it feels like I’ve exhausted all those names having gone through thousands to pick out the ones I love.

I feel like most men would be so much more laid back about girl’s names and let their wife take the lead, unless it’s something they truly hate - but how can he truly hate every name I come up with!

OP posts:
Original poster
Plum02 · 05/12/2024 17:14

Grammarnut · 05/12/2024 14:08

For what it's worth, now, I think Cassandra Ottoline is good for a girl. Beautifully classical (and Cassandra was always right) and Ottoline Morell influenced many early twentieth-century writers and artists including Dora Carrington. As a second choice Octavia (after Octavia Hill, National Trust) Margaret (after Margaret Miller who led a 30s campaign to allow married women to continue to work).
NB Ottoline is pronounced Ottoleen.
NB2: Anna and Emma are equally middle-class names.

Edited
Show quote history

You obviously haven’t watched only fools and horses. That’s all I can think of when I hear Cassandra 😂

OP posts:
Dodoegg4 · 05/12/2024 17:18

HumanBurrito · 02/12/2024 20:04

My friends granddaughter is Ottilie, but she’s French ( the granddaughter) I think it’s more common there.

It isn't, I've not come across it ever in 25 years teaching.

I’ve taught 3 children called Ottilie in 18 years of teaching, the first over 10 years ago…

Iamiams · 05/12/2024 18:57

Grammarnut · 05/12/2024 14:08

For what it's worth, now, I think Cassandra Ottoline is good for a girl. Beautifully classical (and Cassandra was always right) and Ottoline Morell influenced many early twentieth-century writers and artists including Dora Carrington. As a second choice Octavia (after Octavia Hill, National Trust) Margaret (after Margaret Miller who led a 30s campaign to allow married women to continue to work).
NB Ottoline is pronounced Ottoleen.
NB2: Anna and Emma are equally middle-class names.

Edited
Show quote history

You need to be careful with vowel initials in the middle. In your example you could end up with COD or COW. Which is a bit embarrassing if you have to embroider initials onto your PE skirt or monogram a tuck box.

adriftinadenofvipers · 05/12/2024 19:39

And if the first name is a B name, under no circumstances can the middle name be a J!

comoatoupeira · 05/12/2024 20:41

Ottilie is not a common name in France by any stretch of the imagination.

It is pretty and also sounds like otter. They are not mutually exclusive.

Grammarnut · 05/12/2024 22:09

Iamiams · 05/12/2024 18:57

You need to be careful with vowel initials in the middle. In your example you could end up with COD or COW. Which is a bit embarrassing if you have to embroider initials onto your PE skirt or monogram a tuck box.

Show quote history

I know - dreadful mistakes can be had. My late DH was JC - which led him on many occasions to answer the exclamation 'Oh, my God!' with 'here I am'. The full initials were JWC - his parents cannot have been thinking!

Grammarnut · 05/12/2024 22:10

comoatoupeira · 05/12/2024 20:41

Ottilie is not a common name in France by any stretch of the imagination.

It is pretty and also sounds like otter. They are not mutually exclusive.

Suspect Ottilie in France has much the same connotations as Segolene - very upper class.

TheBirdintheCave · 05/12/2024 22:18

@MixieMatchie But we can say 'oh-teel-ya' 🤷🏻‍♀️ All of those sounds exist in English. I don't need to put on any kind of accent to say it.

Nanny0gg · 05/12/2024 22:43

Thatdontimpressmemuchh · 03/12/2024 08:45

The only name that is not terrible on that list in my opinion is Margot. Your hubby is right. Not every child's name has to sound "unusual", there is nothing wrong with Emma, Katherine, Sophie, Olivia, Emily etc.

So many parents think their name sounds unique but in reality they just sound awful. This will be an eventual professional working adult who will have to endure an awful name like Clementine or worse Octavia which automatically makes you think of a Skoda or a name a stripper might choose. My advice would be to play it safe and think about classic names that will not result in your child being bullied, that sound intelligent and professional.

How about her husband comes up with some names? That might help...

Mirabai · 05/12/2024 22:48

Grammarnut · 05/12/2024 22:10

Suspect Ottilie in France has much the same connotations as Segolene - very upper class.

Show quote history

Funnily enough I know sisters called Ottilie and Sigolène.

Nanny0gg · 05/12/2024 22:50

Pinkpurpletulips · 02/12/2024 00:27

One of my children had an unusual name. It was a real name. But people mangled it, misspelt it etc. (They eventually changed it.) My next child had a very standard name - not very common but at least everybody knew how to spell it and say it. I think with Ottilie you'll probably end up with a daughter called Otter who spends a lifetime spelling out her name.

As for the others, people will promise the silent "t" in Margot. I agree that Etta doesn't sound like a real name. I quite like the classical name Octavia but the car thing? If you really like Etta what about Harriet or Henrietta with Etta as a nickname?

If you want a classical name what about Athena? Or Diana the Roman version of Athena? Or Marina?

No-one's heard of Etta James then?

ridl14 · 05/12/2024 22:56

Nanny0gg · 05/12/2024 22:50

No-one's heard of Etta James then?

Show quote history

Right!

TrippTover · 05/12/2024 22:56

Nanny0gg · 05/12/2024 22:50

No-one's heard of Etta James then?

Show quote history

To be fair that’s short for Jamesetta!! But Etta is a fairly well known name for little girls in my area.

Nanny0gg · 05/12/2024 23:07

Stressedoutmumof2 · 02/12/2024 06:45

It sounds like your DH likes more traditional names than you have gone for. Maybe you can think about some more classic names and see if he’s more receptive to those and then you can come to some compromise? A colleague at work looked fairly embarrassed to introduce baby Juniper when his wife and baby visited the office and always refers to her as “the baby” outside of this introduction so I think it is important to get a name that both parents like.

Who knows what name he likes???

Nanny0gg · 05/12/2024 23:35

OreoMonster29 · 03/12/2024 19:37

@Plum02 Well, Ok, but clearly your husband doesn't like your taste, so you'll have to compromise somehow unless you want to keep suggesting names to your taste that he then turns down, on and on.

They can't compromise when he hasn't suggested anything!

Nanny0gg · 05/12/2024 23:42

Plum02 · 03/12/2024 20:00

The children of middle class, professional parents generally tend to grow up and have middle class, professional jobs. She’ll go to a girls’ grammar or private school in a middle class area. It’s possible she’ll decide to become a beautician or mechanic but unlikely enough that I’ll take my chances when choosing a name.

Show quote history

That, actually is bollocks.

I was with you until that absolute unnecessary snobbery

I assume you have never needed the services of a mechanic or beautician?

Names do not dictate your future profession.

And not all middle class children go to grammars or private schools either.

Nanny0gg · 05/12/2024 23:44

TrippTover · 05/12/2024 22:56

To be fair that’s short for Jamesetta!! But Etta is a fairly well known name for little girls in my area.

Show quote history

And here!

It's very pretty

Peopleinmyphone · 05/12/2024 23:51

I agree that he should come up with some suggestions himself, maybe ask him to go through a baby name book with you? If those still exist.

As a side note I'd like to suggest Charlotte, if you like the nickname Tilly I think that could work.

Original poster
Plum02 · 06/12/2024 04:18

Nanny0gg · 05/12/2024 23:42

That, actually is bollocks.

I was with you until that absolute unnecessary snobbery

I assume you have never needed the services of a mechanic or beautician?

Names do not dictate your future profession.

And not all middle class children go to grammars or private schools either.

Show quote history

It’s not snobby but statistically accurate that a child’s future profession and life chances are heavily influenced by their parent’s professions and socioeconomic background. That’s the sad reality of living in a country rife with inequality. Look at the research and you’ll see that this is the case.

I didn’t say all middle class children go to grammars or private school, I said that’s where we plan to send our children.

I have no problem with beauticians or mechanics, I simply said I’m not going to choose my baby’s name based on the off chance that’s the profession they choose and the PPs reverse snobbery that a child with these names can’t do those jobs.

OP posts:
Allswellthatendswelll · 06/12/2024 06:52

ONS data for 2023 literally just came out.

662 Ottilies last year. This is compared to 2,900 odd Olivias which is the most popular. It was in between Nancy and Elizabeth. Also 620 Ophelias and 1156 Penelopes, 1025 Margots.

So not very obscure names. I doubt 600 odd Ottilies will have to explain they aren't called Otter in years to come.

I know three under 5 and they are all pronounced Otta-lee.

rwalker · 06/12/2024 07:08

Plum02 · 01/12/2024 20:48

I’m not asking for opinions on the names. It’s totally irrelevant. I’m asking about the principle of his reactions and the fact he’s contributed nothing. It’s fine to not like the name and say “hmm I’m not sure about that, how about this?”.

people’s opinions on the name are relevant
it shows your DH isn’t just being a twat the majority of people think the names are horrendous so he’s not being unreasonable

UsernameShmusername2024 · 06/12/2024 07:14

I don't think the actual names are the point here and am surprised at how many people responding are focused on the list rather than how your DH is responding. What does he expect to happen if he doesn't suggest any names himself? He sounds like he's being a complete child about it. And for the record I have a Margot, middle name Etta and still love her name 7 years on!

eightIsNewNine · 06/12/2024 07:31

rwalker · 06/12/2024 07:08

people’s opinions on the name are relevant
it shows your DH isn’t just being a twat the majority of people think the names are horrendous so he’s not being unreasonable

Show quote history

It is irrelevant what people from other areas and generations think about the names now, as the child will be probably growing in a bubble and before she will be old enough to mingle more people will get used to those names thanks to the sheer numbers.

And he is being very unreasonable not for not liking the names, but for lack of effort in this topic, if he isn't able to give some description or examples of what he likes, no common solution is possible

thepariscrimefiles · 06/12/2024 09:03

rwalker · 06/12/2024 07:08

people’s opinions on the name are relevant
it shows your DH isn’t just being a twat the majority of people think the names are horrendous so he’s not being unreasonable

Show quote history

Her DH is being a twat for rejecting all the names she has suggested but not suggesting any names of his own.

Although none of the names on OP's list would be my choice, they are not particularly horrendous. I've heard much worse names, including some that other posters have suggested.

StormingNorman · 06/12/2024 10:41

Plum02 · 06/12/2024 04:18

It’s not snobby but statistically accurate that a child’s future profession and life chances are heavily influenced by their parent’s professions and socioeconomic background. That’s the sad reality of living in a country rife with inequality. Look at the research and you’ll see that this is the case.

I didn’t say all middle class children go to grammars or private school, I said that’s where we plan to send our children.

I have no problem with beauticians or mechanics, I simply said I’m not going to choose my baby’s name based on the off chance that’s the profession they choose and the PPs reverse snobbery that a child with these names can’t do those jobs.

Show quote history

Exactly. My hairdresser is called Margot. And my local mechanic is called Hugo!

Swipe left for the next trending thread