To expect my SIL to keep her aggressive cat away during Xmas?

[juiceboxjuggle]

My sister-in-law (SIL), has a cat that’s… let’s just say, difficult. The cat is quite aggressive—she’s bitten me before while I was just sitting on the sofa, scratched my husband simply for sitting too close to her toy, and even leapt at people with claws out from the back of a sofa or armchair. She also has this habit of scratching legs under the table while people are eating. It’s not exactly a relaxing presence.

This Christmas, we’re staying at my parents-in-law’s (PILs) house for two nights, which is non-negotiable with my husband. SIL will also be staying, and, as always, she’ll be bringing her cat. The cat is her world, and last year, when I gently suggested she keep the cat in a separate room during meals, she was really upset. She insists the cat needs to be “free to roam.”

As a result, last Christmas was stressful. Despite my best efforts to keep an eye on my two toddlers, one of them ended up with a big scratch from the cat while swinging their legs under the table—just normal kid behavior. To make matters worse, my husband has also been scratched in the past, simply because the cat was annoyed he wasn’t feeding her.

I’m dreading a repeat of last year and honestly don’t know how to handle this situation. How do I keep my kids safe without upsetting SIL again? I’d love to be able to enjoy a meal without constantly chasing the cat away or worrying about potential injuries. Any advice on how to navigate this?

I'm a cat owner and the reason it's being aggro is probably because it's highly stressed out being taken away from home. Your SIL sounds like a bellend. I don't understand why people don't just get cat sitters in - it's easy to organise!!

Sorry to all cat lovers out there, but common sense must prevail here.

Cat stays in the garage with dreamies and whatever else it loves + litter tray. That would be the minimum I would demand.

And a valium sandwich for its owner too. Together with a hefty glass of wine. She won't care after that.

I'd lose my shit if a cat took precedence over my child. The End.

Make sure you all wear trousers and socks. Explain to the kids to keep well away from the cat

Beaphar - Herbal Calming Cat Treats - Helps Reduce Stress & Problem Behaviour - Delicious Meaty Treats - Contains the Natural Herb Valerian, Hop Flowers, & Melissa - 35g Resealable Bag https://amzn.eu/d/5hyFXQc

I use these I also give my cats zyclene or you calm tablets but unless your confident giving cats pills those might be out unless you spike the food

You can also get a treat ball like for dogs only smaller and give the cat that to distract them basically if no-one will stand up to sil and your not going to stay home you need strategies how to calm it down

I would highlight the ridiculousness of the situation, just to make a point. Go armed with sleeping bags and sit in them while you eat. And on the sofa. If SIL or PIL say anything, say ‘it’s this or the cat gets shut in the kitchen. Or we leave’

@juiceboxjuggle take your neighbours dog!!! get a puppy this year then you wont need to stay over next year! take a pile of catnip this year and feed it full every morning!!

If your husband doesn't want to upset his sister then tell him to go on his own and you'll stay at home with the kids. Force the issue, have the row and then you'll have a firm boundary to keep your kids safe.

Or go, suck it up and take Dettol.

Perhaps a comment to the effect that if Vicious Cat even comes within striking distance of you or your DC, you will smack it good and hard? You don't actually have to smack it. On the other hand, you could...

Don’t be less “dramatic” then! Put your foot down and stand up for your kids if your husband won’t . Have a read of some of the serious injuries caused by cats posters have shared on this thread.

His sister is BU and I’m saying this as someone who is childfree, not single now but have been both single and child free for most Christmases!

I know it can be hard if you buy into all that rubbish the media and advertising transmits to us all about a woman being miserable and worthless if you’re single and child free especially around this time of year basically , so I do have sympathy.

But I’d still never have justified allowing harm to come any of my friends or families kids! She could throw herself into being a great Aunty and being thankful she has some family around her, or just make the most of being a fabulous single but instead she’s gone down this self-pitying /selfish route.

TBH slightly worried it’s a bit spiteful the fact she’s happy to the run the risk of having your child attacked by her cat. The first time it happened is one thing but she knows it’s likely to happen it again.

I absolutely bloody detest cats! And I agree with others, the cats does sound stressed and reacts with aggression. FFS why can't SIL keep that cat in a cat carrier where it will be cosy, calm and no threat to people.

I know this will be a well intended comment. But. The OP is to teach her DC they need to wear trousers and socks and keep away from the aggressive cat because their father prioritises PIL and SIL over them and their mother? So teach the DC that they are less important than a cat?

I love cats. A cat carrier is a ridiculous suggestion. The most sensible and obvious solution is for the SIL to leave the cat at home alone. Why people aren't saying that I have no idea.

Take a bag of cucumbers and lay them near wherever your dc are. Cats hate cucumbers.
Tape aluminium foil onto the floor too.

What do you mean it's non negotiable for your husband? Why is he in charge and you don't get a say?

You say he's hates confrontation but he has no problem upsetting you or his children.

What will he do if you put your foot down and say "No, we spent Christmas with your family last year and the cat ruined it. This year we are staying at home in peace!"?

I love cats but if one randomly scratched my dgc it would be picked up and put into the garden.

The children wear jogging bottoms at all time and slippers/shoes, gloves on their hands at all times esp during meals - that way there is no skin to scratch and you are making a point.

and

a water pistol in your hand 24 hours a day, to be used if cat comes within 3' of your or your children.

Incidentally, I don't think there's a magic form of words that will make everyone agree with you. Doesn't exist, sadly.

You just have to set your boundary. "I am staying at home with the kids." Make it clear he can do the same, or not. But what he does or doesn't do won't change your mind.

And then everyone is allowed to be upset, or cry, or whatever. You're being reasonable, and beyond stating your actions politely, their feelings are not your problem to manage.

If DH tries to make his family's feelings yours to manage, then make it clear you're not going to be doing that. But he can if he wants to.

You're not going. The kids aren't going. Everyone knows why. Everyone can make their own decisions from there.

You'd put a visiting cat outside & shut it out?

FFS

no need to be cruel to an animal because you can't set boundaries with humans.

SIL sounds awful. She shouldn't have a cat when she doesn't care about her welfare. Poor cat must be so stressed with all those people and noise around.

Cats can take several weeks to be comfortable in a new environment, but most require at least 3 days, where they have calm and quiet to adjust. Short term visits like going somewhere at Christmas, she should keep the cat in one room with familiar scents to ensure it's minimal stress.

Send her links to every cat welfare website you can find. Send them to your PIL too. Aggressively so. She is causing her cat so much stress no wonder she's aggressive. I'd approach the situation as we can't be part of such a traumatic experience for the cat, it's not fair on the cat to be forced into such a stressful environment when she refuses to follow even basic welfare advice.

PPs suggesting kicking the cat, I hope you don't have children! Abusing innocents.

Who the fuck takes a cat on a visit anyway? Cats much prefer to be left in their own space. They're not dogs.

Why on earth are you going to in laws and subjecting your dc to this? That entire family sounds batshit and your dh is a wet blanket so it's up to you to protect your dc. You shouldn't go. Stay home with the dc.

SIL is bonkers, it's a cat, not a baby no matter how much she wishes it was so.
Most cats hate new environments and love the familiarity of home, she is being cruel dragging it from pillar to post.
I would never kick a cat but I would be happy for SIL to think I might do if provoked....

I really feel for your SIL. For many years I found Christmas hard as I was single and childless. It's a tough time of year and clearly your PILs are prioritising their daughter as she suffers a lot.

I agree she sounds batshit about the cat. As an aside my mother strongly suggested I not get a pet when I was a vv lonely 30 something - she said you'll go bonkers over the cat/dog and you'll drive away any potential boyfriends - and sadly I think she was right. I've seen single friends go bananas over their pets (disclaimer: also many friends who stayed completely normal).

Anyway - they've picked their side. I think your SIL is not doing the right thing by her cat to insist she's always in with the action. But you won't make her see that.

So you have a husband problem. He's being a coward with his family. Conflict averse my arse, he's happy having conflict with you - your SIL has drawn her boundaries, time for you to draw yours. I'd suggest you request the cat be in a separate room from the children most of the time - if get an early night Tiddles can come out for the evening. Research and bring a gorgeous igloo cat bed or similar as your Christmas present to Tiddles. Come armed with catnip treats and fling them about with gay abandon. Tell everyone - husband, SIL, PILs - that if a child gets scratched you are packing up and leaving. Yes even if it's Christmas eve.

Alternatively, tell your husband you and the children are staying out of danger and staying home, he can do what he wants.

It's not usually the case with females, but has the cat been neutered?

And cat scratches and bites can cause bad/serious infections

Cat scratch fever isn't a myth

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cat-scratch_disease
Not sure how common this is but it’s definitely a thing.