To expect my SIL to keep her aggressive cat away during Xmas?

[juiceboxjuggle]

My sister-in-law (SIL), has a cat that’s… let’s just say, difficult. The cat is quite aggressive—she’s bitten me before while I was just sitting on the sofa, scratched my husband simply for sitting too close to her toy, and even leapt at people with claws out from the back of a sofa or armchair. She also has this habit of scratching legs under the table while people are eating. It’s not exactly a relaxing presence.

This Christmas, we’re staying at my parents-in-law’s (PILs) house for two nights, which is non-negotiable with my husband. SIL will also be staying, and, as always, she’ll be bringing her cat. The cat is her world, and last year, when I gently suggested she keep the cat in a separate room during meals, she was really upset. She insists the cat needs to be “free to roam.”

As a result, last Christmas was stressful. Despite my best efforts to keep an eye on my two toddlers, one of them ended up with a big scratch from the cat while swinging their legs under the table—just normal kid behavior. To make matters worse, my husband has also been scratched in the past, simply because the cat was annoyed he wasn’t feeding her.

I’m dreading a repeat of last year and honestly don’t know how to handle this situation. How do I keep my kids safe without upsetting SIL again? I’d love to be able to enjoy a meal without constantly chasing the cat away or worrying about potential injuries. Any advice on how to navigate this?

I agree.
He's bought into the PILs stance... we must not upset SIL.
I think she enjoys the drama and the control

Totally agree with this approach! And if he says no, tell him he can go on his own.

@sandyhappypeople How festive!

Oh yes, I absolutely agree that SIL is the problem but maybe it will make her listen.

Christ, some of you are as bad as the nutty SIL anthropomorphising this cat, assigning it human emotions and intentions to its animal behaviour. Assaulting the children! 🤣 Give over

Cats are hugely territorial, by taking it with her everywhere your SIL is causing it untold stress, no wonder it lashes out! I feel sorry for you and your family but also the poor bloody cat! She needs to be told, kindly or unkindly to be quite honest, that she is being a bad pet owner and is not looking out for her pets needs whatsoever. She needs to find a good pet sitter (Cat In A Flat is a good place to look) and leave Tiddles to enjoy a restful Christmas at home.

Those people suggesting threatening to harm the cat or let it out are awful people.

Why is everyone tiptoeing around SIL?

I get the 'my cats are my babies' thing as a cat lover myself, but I'm fortunate that my 2 are the most chilled out cats ever - if they weren't and they were behaving like your SIL's cat then I'd be a responsible pet owner & separate them from the room.
But then, as a responsible cat owner, I know that cats are extremely territorial, would hate being moved to a new territory (PIL's house) and would be highly stressed and therefore their behaviour would be highly unpredictable- I just couldn't do that to my cats. I wouldn't put them in that predicament in the first place by putting them in a different house.

Your SIL needs a good talking to, as do your PIL and your DH too - putting your DC's safety below that of your SIL's feelings!

Cats aren’t known for travelling and adapting to new environments well, though I’m sure there are some which do. It sounds as though this cat is very stressed and is behaving as if all things unfamiliar to it are threats, to an animal unfamiliar things often are threats.

Your sil can love the cat as much as she likes, but she doesn’t seem very aware of what its behaviour is telling her. She can love it like a child, but it is unfair to the cat to not treat it like the animal it is.

I've had cats all my life and understand that this one's stressed to hell and lashing out - which shouldn't be made your problem and it's a shame she's putting her own needs before the cat's

Mainly, though, I've little time for those who turn on the waterworks if they don't get their way, less for those who enable them and none at all for spineless men who'd rather see their kids injured than open their mouths

So I'm afraid I wouldn't be going, and would explain quite simply that this is because your children won't be safe

How far away does the cat live? Can she pop home and feed it?

You need to approach it sooner rather than later. Otherwise it will encroach too much on Christmas Day.

I would pretend that my child was petrified of being scratched and felt anxious about going. White lie, but heck, she sounds like a fruit loop.

Cats hate new places, no wonder it's so stressed!

Maybe if it's a Lion, but an adult booting a domestic cat is NEVER acceptable.

Well I wouldn't be teaching my DC a cat coming is the priority so they need to wear trousers and socks and be ready to run away from an aggressive cat (on Christmas day, where many prioritise the children in their family)

I’d be asking DH why he thinks his sisters feelings are more important than the physical wellbeing of his children.

Could you turn her treating the cat as a child to your benefit? What consequence would she expect if one of your children hurt the cat? Time out? Naughty step? Surely the same needs to happen to the cat…

Exactly and even practically speaking this advice it’s just not helpful seeing as cats can and do scratch faces too- or should the kids be wearing balaclavas??

How can they “keep away” from the cat if the SIL demands the cat is allowed to roam free?

Are they meant to run from the table? Even if they did, I’m sure a cat is faster!

I've not rtft so someone may have already said this but cats are very territorial and do not like being away from their home and their own space so this won't be helping the situation at all. Could you somehow drop this into conversation with your sil? As a cat lover surely sil should know this anyway. Absolutely not on that she allows the cat to savage everyone and ruin Christmas!
What is the cat like in its own home?

Your SIL is batshit not treating her cat properly and endangering everyone especially little children in the process. Cat scratches and bites are known for turning nasty. It’s not fair on the cat or the family and if a discussion with her goes no where then refuse to go it’s potty

This is an excellent, thoughtful post - take presents for the cat (enough to give it one each day) which should make SIL happy, and keep the cat happy. I would also find something to spay on your kids to discourage it - they don’t like citrus smells, so maybe some nice perfume or lemon scented hand cream?

I'd just go "Ouch!" very loudly every time the cat hurt me. And if it scratched my DC - well, I'd be making a very big fuss.

And I rarely make a fuss about that sort of thing.

Cats don't like change , it should stay in its house.. very odd to take it around with you! Some cats love to attack moving things for fun but also it's probably unsettled by the change of environment!

If the kids turned up in full on bodysuits and layers and balaclavas, that might be sufficient to get the point across to SIL. Or maybe she'd think it was an acceptable compromise 😂.

Then I would say to your in-laws that this year you are prioritising SIL. Poor love should be able to spend Christmas with her “fur-baby” without the stress of you and your children. Therefore, you will spend this Christmas at home and you hope they enjoy their time with their “fur grand baby”. Happy holidays. You’ll send a card.

I am a cat lover and have 2 cats and this cats behaviour is really unusual. It sounds like the cats rules the roost and wasn't taught appropriate behaviour as a kitten (things such as no playing with hands only toys or told a firm no when they scratched hands etc when playing). All kittens naturally play and scratch but do need teaching. Cats are normally very clever animals and can learn quickly what the house rules are. None of my cats would ever behave like that. The worst one does is glare at you and turn her back in a huff occasionally.

Personally I wouldn't be going. Cat scratches are nasty and cat bites are particularly dirty and can become infected easily. As your SIL wont keep her cat away from your kids or in another room you need to decide what's more important your kids not being harmed or keeping the peace and going to your in laws.

Agree with asking your sister-in-law how she would take to your children hurting her cat. If no one is going to tackle the issue directly then dress the children in robust jeans and boots sprayed with cat repellent?

How about those plug in things that people use for pets when there is fireworks outside. They are meant to calm them. Could you plug some in at your in laws especially where you eat and sit.

Yeah she’d probably say “well everyone’s happy now” 😂 while the kids sit there miserable and sweltering in their protective “armour”. Ugh she sounds awful 😆