To expect my SIL to keep her aggressive cat away during Xmas?

[juiceboxjuggle]

My sister-in-law (SIL), has a cat that’s… let’s just say, difficult. The cat is quite aggressive—she’s bitten me before while I was just sitting on the sofa, scratched my husband simply for sitting too close to her toy, and even leapt at people with claws out from the back of a sofa or armchair. She also has this habit of scratching legs under the table while people are eating. It’s not exactly a relaxing presence.

This Christmas, we’re staying at my parents-in-law’s (PILs) house for two nights, which is non-negotiable with my husband. SIL will also be staying, and, as always, she’ll be bringing her cat. The cat is her world, and last year, when I gently suggested she keep the cat in a separate room during meals, she was really upset. She insists the cat needs to be “free to roam.”

As a result, last Christmas was stressful. Despite my best efforts to keep an eye on my two toddlers, one of them ended up with a big scratch from the cat while swinging their legs under the table—just normal kid behavior. To make matters worse, my husband has also been scratched in the past, simply because the cat was annoyed he wasn’t feeding her.

I’m dreading a repeat of last year and honestly don’t know how to handle this situation. How do I keep my kids safe without upsetting SIL again? I’d love to be able to enjoy a meal without constantly chasing the cat away or worrying about potential injuries. Any advice on how to navigate this?

I couldn't cope with that level of emotional manipulation. Or animal cruelty. As so many have said, that poor cat is being mistreated by sil so that she can feel better about herself . And as for a grown woman moaning about how she isn't the main priority for everyone - give me strength . Is she hard work like this in other aspects of her life, or does she reserve it for the family?

Yes, this.
OP you don't need to have hysterics but you do need to lay down your boundaries and stick to them.
Your DH SHOULD be prioritising his children. By pandering to SIL he is letting you down. Refuse to go if the cat is there. Time to get tough without tears (yours anyway ).

You can’t control anyone else’s behaviour - only your own.

So if you decide to go (and that definitely is optional, regardless of what you say) then you say that you’re not risking the kids getting hurt by the car, so either the cat gets shut in a room or you and the kids will be shut in a room and the cat can have the rest of the house. You’ll be having your meals in that room and opening presents in that room, and everyone but the cat is welcome to join. If SIL cries, then you get upset with worry about your kids.

It reads as if you don’t have much choice in the matter so I suggest that you very obvious wear protective clothing. Wellington boots and gloves, indoors, that sort of thing. Let your imagination rip and enjoy making your point

No need to explain the family dynamic - I get it.
What I struggle to understand is how a father could willingly put his own kids at the risk of being scratched significantly again by a cat that his sister owns.
Well done on sending that message on the family chat but stand firm on this would be my advice.

First of all I wouldn't go. I would tell DH he can go on his own but I would not have my christmas or DC christmas ruined by a psychotic cat or SiL.
If you go, take water pistols and spray the cat and SiL if cat comes near.
You could develop an allergy to cats giving you a legit reason for staying away.!

Hardly surprising SiL is on her own is it.

That level of emotional blackmail is demented. I can't believe you, FIL and DH are tolerating such nonsense all the time. It much be exhausting.

What gets me is that she expects you to be ok with your kids getting scratched, so I would assume that her ‘baby’ would be ok if they hurt her?

SIL needs therapy if other people having a life makes her cry because "it reminds her that she's single".

Equally I couldn't be doing with having an appeaser for a DH. Where will it all end?

But seriously, claw clippers. That way the poor cat can't actually hurt anyone and is just annoying.

Your SIL is batshit.

i’m a cat lover and it is wacky to take a cat to someone’s house, the poor thing is probably distressed.

Tip. I had a cat that attacked ankles and I remember a bit of Vicks vapour rub on your ankle and wrist works wonders. Cat won’t come near you. If you’re lucky then neither will SIL.

Have you looked up the number of serious infections that can be inflicted by cat bites and scratches? I wouldn't want my children anywhere near this cat; your husband is gambling with your children’s health. This would not be happening to my children; they’d be staying home.

OK thanks for explaining that - so I appreciate they may be a bit more sentimental and less pragmatic than you, but my main point is your DH wanting to pander to them on this occasion because it will “upset” his sister shows the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

He isn’t being very logical here - his children could be badly hurt at worst or you’ll be on high alert at best. And yet, he is still in favour of his prioritising his sisters “wants” - which are dressed up as “needs”.

Unless of course his “logic” is “my sister is more important than my wife and kids” or “my sister will put up more of a fight if she doesn’t get her way so I’ll just sideline my wife’s wishes and risk our kids for an easy life”

I mean on the bright side you can say it is good he seems to care about his sister, as some men don’t - but overall, I’d say his inability to prioritise his children’s and wife safety and comfort , and being so easily manipulated by his sister/mum isn’t great and doesn’t bode well.

He needs to do better as a husband and father, and not repeat the mistakes of his own father.

Get dc a waterpistol each....

That cat is being very badly treated. Mine would go mad if I dragged her around to unfamiliar places. The cat is perceiving everything as a threat, it can’t help it. Your SIL is unbelievably self centred, not only is she giving no thought to your kids, but she has a complete fantasy about how her relationship with the cat works.

Yeah I wouldn’t be going and neither would my children. Toxic family allowing this kind of bullshit to continue. You are all pandering to this woman while allowing yourselves and your children to get physically hurt. Stop pussy footing around her and protect your children.

Is this your SIL’s cat? You are totally in the right and as a cat lover myself I believe it’s very cruel of her to take it away from it’s home environment and none of your IL’s should be putting the cat before the safety of your DC’s

I think you need to explain to your husband that he is not helping his sister in the long term. She needs to understand that children are more important than pets and fur babies are not the same as real babies. People need to tell her that she is important in her own right.

Pussyfooting lol.
This thread is crazy, does she clean up when it's craps in the house?

People need to tell her that she is important in her own right

This is so true, as someone who has moved through life mostly as a single and childfree woman - this is one of the most important messages you can receive.

You don’t need to bring a pet (or news of a great job promotion or a fancy new car) to prove your value as a person, as a woman in the absence of a child and partner. You alone are important and enough just as you are!

I can’t imagine any cat I’ve known and loved being ok with being taken out of its home to a house full of people and not going feral.

Your SIL is the one being unkind to her cat and unrealistic in her expectations of everyone else.

Cat bites are nasty and should always be taken seriously due to the infection risks - I can’t believe your family’s attitude to this.

Hope your text will sort things out but it doesn’t seem very likely.

Just say no OP. Just say no. Good luck!

By way of update, we've had a tearful call from SIL and a panicked call from MIL because SIL feels alone and sad. MIL will drive 2.5 hours now (yes, at night) to be with her because SIL is upset that her cat will be locked at Xmas because PILs want to see their grandkids.

It’s ridiculous. A solution has been suggested. The cat will be fine in another room. Why do they need to make it such a drama.

I don’t even mean this to be cruel but your SIL - and maybe the whole family really does need therapy. Deeply unhealthy and strange dynamics.

She is trying to manipulate your family and your MIL is going along with it because she’s of a similar mindset. Making a long drive at this time of night is also a way of making a statement.

I imagine the next move will be to tell you all about how distressed SIL is and try and guilt trip you into changing your mind. Stand your ground!

This is all very toxic!

Frankly they both sound completely unhinged, and as said I wouldn't be going

Why spend what should be a pleasant day listening to SIL boo-hooing over her damn cat being shut away and MIL carrying on about how hard done to she is?
It's enough to give anyone nervous indigestion and you can do without that too

For goodness sake what a ridiculous, melodramatic over reaction. Do not cave in, stand firm - I know it will be hard the guilt tripping will be immense but you have to stick to your guns on this.

By the way I am a cat lover and indeed a dog lover had several of each throughout child and adult hood so my advice is not coming from a place of not liking or considering pets as part of the family it is coming from a place of (1) protecting your children and allowing them to have a stress free time and (2) concern for the welfare of the cat.