To be so upset I’m missing my child’s nativity?

[charmonachain]

Teacher myself … I really wish I’d just called in sick to be honest which I’ll probably be flamed for but I am a tad gutted. Saying so here so I don’t spend tomorrow swearing.

You aren't painting yourself in the best light @charmonachain.

I understand your upset. I missed all dd's nativity plays, presentation assembly etc for years. Private sector but had a twat for a boss who would find reasons to decline leave and an inept HR dept.

Not all schools are this bad. I am a governor and our head is amazing at making sure that everyone gets a fair chance to see their own kids plays etc. Obviously there are times when it isn't practical due to illness, statutory test timings, precooked courses etc. But where she can she will always allow teachers to be parents. She often covers classes herself to accommodate this.

Phoning in sick to attend these events is never a good plan. Unfortunately regardless of morality, legally you will always be in the wrong and there will be precious little the unions can do to help you should it go to disciplinary. You did the right thing in asking.

Ultimately you picked a career where term time leave is often not possible. Doesn't make it easier to swallow but it is choice you made.

It's a hard one as an evening nativity will mean staff staying late, tired kids and lots of kids not turning up so you have to reallocate the roles. Not suitable for a preschool anyway as the children will all be in bed by 7.30 usually.

It is really hard to get it right for working patents and schools can't always win. However I am sure OP could be covered in school for an hour. It sounds like it's a rather short sighted and dogmatic policy if it's just a blanket no. It shouldn't just be a race to the bottom and it is important to parents and children. It would be very important to me and thankfully my school would cover it.

Call in sick or say you cant go because of the nativity and face the consequences. You probably won’t get sacked and you only get one first nativity. Ive seen kids in tears when their parents aren’t there.

Same thing happened to a colleague of mine, also a teacher. Her daughter's school had a daytime and an evening showing of the nativity. Unfortunately, the evening one was the same evening as her own class's nativity and she wasn't allowed to miss it. Seemed so unfair. She left in July as found teaching to be so inflexible with young children.

Thing was, the school we worked in sent countless messages to parents encouraging them to see their children in the nativity, stressing how important it was (area of high parental disengagement), and yet didn't let her see her own child's nativity!

Can you ask to switch PPA rather than have time off (you may have done this already) and only works for primary. What a rubbish employer.

There should be strategies in place to allow cover for Teachers with children when school events are occurring.

Call in sick citing stress and go. You can’t miss it. Teacher here.

Really sad you were refused.

Nativity plays are usually in the afternoon at 2ish anyhow and not very long. Horrible they wouldn’t cover you for what would only most likely 2 lessons at most. Could you have asked a colleague who was free to cover for you perhaps and you return the favour another time for them?

The only fair strategies are for SLT to agree to cover out of goodwill or wellbeing time that gives everyone the chance to access some time off, and both depend on staffing levels.

Stress that only lasts for the half day of the event?

Ha ha hahahaha.

What is really annoying is that I’ve been in on my days off to try to help out lately; never again!

Most working parents don't get to spend all Christmas and Summer holidays with their children, never mind their sports days or nativity plays. You think every job should be so flexible to allow them all the same time off as you have all year? Or are these parents not as good because their kids will survive not having emergency service parents home on Christmas eve/day every year.

YANBU to be upset. I would be too. But surely it is to be expected in teaching, that you cannot take a day off during the term? Much like those who work in emergency services or retail will be expected to work evenings and weekends. Every job has its good and bad points

I'm not surprised you're upset. I would be in your position, I am very surprised by some of the replies!
Your little one will absolutely want you to attend and you of course want to watch proudly ! I'm sorry your school is so inflexible- do try and organise your DH to attend in your place- perhaps he could film the whole thing and at least he can cheer your child on and make a fuss of them afterwards. Hopefully you can watch it when you get home? It's a bit crap but better than nothing x

Train as a teacher then <bored>

Hope you can find a way to go @charmonachain
always felt so sorry for teachers who put so much effort into other peoples kids and have to miss out on their own kids school activities - not fair :(

Don't be a teacher then <bored>

But not every weekend and evening.

Ditto here. I obviously don’t expect every assembly or whatever to be covered but I do think in the context of a teaching year one or two events should be permitted, especially given I’m as flexible as I can be at my end.

Believe me I’m trying!

Lots of schools allow teachers togo to their child's nativity , the condition being you pay back the cover. So if you are out for two lessons, you don't lose pay but agree to offer two covers back. Seems fair.

I know. Mine doesn’t, as you can tell!

This is so sad. We have a new head this year and one of her first changes was to promise us we could attend it own children’s nativities.

The old head refused until I refused to come back to work to put on the evening performance.

A bit of give and take goes a long long way.

Really, that’s what you would suggest? Doesn’t matter about the school struggling to find cover, as long as the OP can watch her child’s Nativity. I expect you would suggest this for every parent? Yes surgeon’s lists can be cancelled, doctors can cancel consultations, nurseries can close, nurses can go off ‘sick’ leaving no one to look after the patients etc.!

Do you think teachers are special and should be exempt from having to work, when their children are performing? I only managed to watch 3 or 4 of the shows my children were in, whilst they were at Primary School. It was just bad luck, that I had to work (I needed the money, or there wouldn’t have been a Christmas for my kids), I didn’t expect special treatment.

I expect you would have been fine about it, if you were supposed to have an operation, but it was cancelled because the Surgeon decided to take the time off to watch their child’s Nativity!

One of the many reasons I'm leaving teaching. It's so inflexible. I don't want to miss my kids growing up to teach other people's (mostly ungrateful) kids.

It does seem unfair that teachers miss seeing their own kids do stuff

But when you take the job you know if you can take time off for vip dates /wedding etx

Most say never in term time

Those who say go in the evening

I was a nanny for 20yrs and now a mum. I have never known to be an evening show for a nativity in 30yrs or so

Sports day and nativity /Carol concerts - why can't they be told in sept when they are for the school year

Schools know when they will be. Or just pick a date and do it and put in term dates

Rather then giving few weeks notice

Are you near to your child's school - could you ask for 2hrs to get there , watch and go back

Tho again most are either 930 or 2pm so no point going back after and if am you Miss start of school

Or ask if someone can video it. We've always been allowed to video but not to put on Fb

Tho Sounds like you have a dh who can go

If he remembers

Is it not important to him as well to go and watch his child

I've always waved to children if I know their parents /gp/anyone cant watch them and take pics to send to parents

So they know to look out for me so they know someone is there for them

Can a school mum do this for you ?