To feel shell shocked at the party aftermath?

[outofbattery]

I'm a bit shell shocked and need to air my thoughts somewhere.

We had a party at home last night. It's an annual event, with 8-10 families. So about 30-40 people. The parents are usually in/around the kitchen and dining area and the kids have the run of the lounge and kids bedroom upstairs. Pretty hands off adulting. Kids get checked on periodically/we're not far away if needed. This has worked well for years, with the amount of supervision decreasing as the kids get older. We're just next door if anything starts sounding suss. The oldest kids who usually come are now around 6. I'd say usually it takes me around an hour to clear up the chaos of the fancy dress box, toys etc from the kids. Very few broken items (accidents happen, that's fine) or disasters. Everyone plays nicely together.

Yesterday we had a new family in the mix, and I cannot believe the difference. The children (not just the two new ones I'm sure, but they seem to have been the instigators) have drawn on walls, hammered a wooden table with I presume a pen so it has chips in the varnish and dents in the wood, they've taken additional food and hidden the evidence (wrappers stuffed down the back of the sofa and under the carpet etc). They played knock and run on my neighbours door (climbed the garden fence which the littlest definitely can't do), kept turning up the music till it was deafening, used fruit shoots as water pistols. A bunch of the kids were discovered under the bed in my room at one point as these children were leading a hunt for Christmas presents. Anything I asked them not to do they then either did or tried to get others to do it. They lied directly to my face, convinced the youngers to carry out tasks which would get them in trouble. The list goes on. I asked the parents to intervene several times and the response was 'what's the point? They don't listen to me!'. I know it wasn't just them doing the things, but I'm very certain it was the older/newer two leading the way on everything. Am quite astonished how quickly the other 15 or so children stopped behaving like the nice, trustworthy, chilled out kids that they usually are.

I can't decide whether it's these two in particular and to never invite them to my home again, or is this just what we have to look forward to from 7 (almost 8) year olds?! We've honestly never had an issue in the past even with 10+ tiny toddlers/preschoolers/5 year olds running riot.

Really upset about my walls and furniture :( feel like I've come into the scene of a 'teenagers left alone' party, not a bunch of 3-7 year olds!!

I think it was fairly obvious I was referring to the lack of supervision rather than the mess. Thanks for your pity though 😂

For all the fake pearl clutching - it's absolutely fine to have a party with kids and adults and let the kids play around in the house with checks. Don't be mental.

1. not everyone has family around
2. babysitters are very expensive and something I'd use infrequently for a proper night out
3. some people enjoy mixing with their families and other families.

@HauntedPencil

1) not everyone has family around

Neither do I 🤷‍♀️ I meant pay for one.

2. babysitters are very expensive and something I'd use infrequently for a proper night out

If you can afford to go out drinking surely you can afford a babysitter?

3. some people enjoy mixing with their families and other families.

Which is great at family events which are designed for children rather than a get together for adults to drink and engage in minimal supervision of their very young children. Taking kids age 6 and under to a house where the intention is for adults to drink and party, and doing"hands off adulting", is asking for trouble in my view, and it's not something I'd personally feel comfortable doing with my 3 year old.

Was playing with the Gregg Wallace quote.

But we never needed to hire 2-3 nannies. Just a bog standard party entertainer like the ones used for birthday parties. Top and tail that with a table full of colouring crafts and a big telly with a movie and most kids are happily entertained, under the watchful eyes of slightly tipsy but generally responsible parents. I concede we may have been an odd group. Nearly all of us have run brownies/cubs/scouts or coached cricket at some point, as we like kids and have hyper developed antennae wrt children’s safeguarding, so it may be that we aren’t terribly representative 🤷🏻‍♀️

Of course the kids weren't supervised. They're 7/8.

The thought of all those kids on the rampage gives me the shudders

Looks like the children have got a bit too old for this- at 6 upwards peer pressure becomes a much bigger thing in their lives. My brother never got in trouble for tis sort of thing- but he instigated it wherever he went- it looks like you have one of those in the mix now- you may never find out which one is the ring leader. The easiest thing is just not to have the parties anymore- the kids have moved on, it looks like you need to as well.

No more parties. Let someone else open their home for the next few years!

Lord of the Flies. No more parties or way more supervision.

definitely dont invite that particular family

You should definitely mention in a group chat to all the parents what you have said here. If it were me, I would say that it's a shame that kids have always been well behaved, but this year was surprising. Then list what you have observed. The parents of the poorly behaved children need to be aware of this and I would definitely not be inviting the new family over again.

Sounds like it was the new kids instigating everything and the parents sound like a nightmare. Children under 6 are so impressionable and can get carried away and over-excited when they’re running around in a big group hyped up on sugary party food, so you can’t really blame the others that were joining in. I wouldn’t worry about yours getting like that when they get older as it sounds like they know better. My godson, who was such a good kid, once said a swear word to me when he was about 4 because his friend had dared him to and I don’t think he really understood how bad it was, just that it was naughty. It was impossible to keep them apart because they were neighbours at the time and used to see each other at the local playground, but my godson stopped playing with this boy when he got a bit older and realised he wasn’t very nice. He is now applying to university whilst his ex-friend was excluded from school at 15… I think your kids will be fine xx

I'm baffled at the amount of people that seem to think this is normal. It's not. At all. I have three boys, and not a single one of them would ever behave like that - unless there were bad influences about.

Not having a hovering parent isn't a bad influence. Kids that clearly get away with everything is.

The kids need to be supervised. I know its annoying/dull for an adult to have stay with kids while other adults are chatting and enjoying themselves but if you were in a hotel, you'd never leave a large group of kids alone.

Comparing a terrace house to what it was like growing up on a farm isn't helping much. For one thing its very possible that your family home was wrecked but you were too young to realise or care much and also a terrace is in no way comparable a larger farmhouse with outdoor space including barns/haysheds etc.

I noted you said that you feel like kids should be given freedom but not at that age fuelled by unlimited access to a strange home, sugary drinks and the late hour.

Some kids are badly behaved due to lazy parenting. The havoc at your party showed the results of lazy parenting.

I remember when I had DC1, a work colleague visited me with her two boys. They were so badly behaved, jumping from the coffee table to the sofa, breaking things. I always knocked the suggestion of further visits firmly on the head.

I'd never host another party that included kids again!

The usual kids are now 6, the older visiting kid is imminently turning 8.

Other points have been answered by previous updates.

Say to the parents of the troublemakers that the next party is at theirs. Just before the party supply all the kids with a generous number of Sharpie permanent marker pens. :-)

This ^^ 🙌

If I was going to pay for a babysitter, it would be to for a child free party.

This is such a shame! I remember when Parties used to be like this before things like this started happening

it's so good you came on here to air your thoughts - once you have gone through all the emotions of this (which you need to do) you will know what to do xx

Party’s like this were the norm when I was a kid, I’m from a large family and over Christmas and New Year they’d be several party’s over a week or so at grandparents/aunts and Uncles, minimum 18 adults and 12 plus kids varying from 8 down to babies and every age in between. The adults caused the most chaos, us kids were largely left to our own devices with us 7/8 year olds making sure the babies were ok (80’s/90’s parenting 😂) the only time there was an issue with the kids was when my youngest brother got to age 11 and snuck round drinking the adults dregs of alcohol and proceeded to get drunk, feel sick, go upstairs to the bathroom but being drunk went in the small bedroom where everyone had put their coats on the bed (that bedroom was where the bathroom roughly was in our house) threw up all over everybody’s coats then passed out on top (on his side thankfully!) my Mum, my Nana, all the adult women were fuming, my uncle wrote a delightful word on his forehead in marker pen, me (2nd oldest of the children) and my 1 year older cousin got battered of our Mums for not watching him 😂
Big party’s stopped a few years later when a family member got into a new relationship with someone who had a couple of absolutely awful no so little brats who bullied my other brother and one of my cousins relentlessly and I snapped at one of said party’s and absolutely battered the pair of them and it kicked of a brawl between the adults 🫠

You’re not overreacting, for all the silly antics nothing ever got damaged like you’re describing, some coats had to be dry cleaned and that was the worst really. Personally, I now have an even bigger extended family and I only do smaller gatherings over various days with different parts and then a few massive get togethers in the summer, garden only, access to the house for toilet and nappy changing or for those breastfeeding so they’ve got a bit of comfort on the couch!

The damage you’ve got, I’d say it’s been lovely over the years but it’s now time to call time as you can’t have your property and belongings being trashed like that again and it’s unfair to risk a fallout with your neighbours. If anyone else wishes to host you will gladly attend if invited, thanks for the great party’s and memories!

This! Why would you NOT supervise a huge group of very small children?!

It's not normal behavior, but I wouldn't think leaving children of that age unsupervised was normal parenting either

No, just sensible so everyone can have a good time...but safely! Anything else is just irresponsible and self-indulgent on the part of the adults (hosts, guests and parents alike). Sorry, but I wouldn't have people like this in my social group.