To feel shell shocked at the party aftermath?

[outofbattery]

I'm a bit shell shocked and need to air my thoughts somewhere.

We had a party at home last night. It's an annual event, with 8-10 families. So about 30-40 people. The parents are usually in/around the kitchen and dining area and the kids have the run of the lounge and kids bedroom upstairs. Pretty hands off adulting. Kids get checked on periodically/we're not far away if needed. This has worked well for years, with the amount of supervision decreasing as the kids get older. We're just next door if anything starts sounding suss. The oldest kids who usually come are now around 6. I'd say usually it takes me around an hour to clear up the chaos of the fancy dress box, toys etc from the kids. Very few broken items (accidents happen, that's fine) or disasters. Everyone plays nicely together.

Yesterday we had a new family in the mix, and I cannot believe the difference. The children (not just the two new ones I'm sure, but they seem to have been the instigators) have drawn on walls, hammered a wooden table with I presume a pen so it has chips in the varnish and dents in the wood, they've taken additional food and hidden the evidence (wrappers stuffed down the back of the sofa and under the carpet etc). They played knock and run on my neighbours door (climbed the garden fence which the littlest definitely can't do), kept turning up the music till it was deafening, used fruit shoots as water pistols. A bunch of the kids were discovered under the bed in my room at one point as these children were leading a hunt for Christmas presents. Anything I asked them not to do they then either did or tried to get others to do it. They lied directly to my face, convinced the youngers to carry out tasks which would get them in trouble. The list goes on. I asked the parents to intervene several times and the response was 'what's the point? They don't listen to me!'. I know it wasn't just them doing the things, but I'm very certain it was the older/newer two leading the way on everything. Am quite astonished how quickly the other 15 or so children stopped behaving like the nice, trustworthy, chilled out kids that they usually are.

I can't decide whether it's these two in particular and to never invite them to my home again, or is this just what we have to look forward to from 7 (almost 8) year olds?! We've honestly never had an issue in the past even with 10+ tiny toddlers/preschoolers/5 year olds running riot.

Really upset about my walls and furniture :( feel like I've come into the scene of a 'teenagers left alone' party, not a bunch of 3-7 year olds!!

This is a very good idea, OP.

I'm sorry, I would totally feel like you (and I would never host again, probably)...

That sounds like a nightmare and definitely not normal. But even the normally well behaved kids are all very young to be left to their own devices. Maybe next time, hire a teenager to keep an eye on them and put a film on. And never invite the destructive ones back!

I'm gonna bow out. I don't think the ins and outs of how I manage chat apps are relevant to anything. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment though.

I don't blame you on bit. I would be billing those parents for the damage to the table and the missing food. Disgusting behaviour and I blame the parents. Those poor kids, what kind of life will they have with an upbringing like this?

The kids all needed supervising.

Idk who it was who mentioned the 80's, but sometimes I miss them. I bet parents wouldn't have even given the amount of supervision at the party a moments thought. What bliss.

That being said I also found this chart which basically shows that child mortality from 'unintentional causes' has more than halved between 1980 and 2018, so feels like there's something to be said for all this supervision

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK569311/table/ch3.tab7/

But then the first years of adulthood that statistic dramatically turns on its head. Which feels notable no? Perhaps to do with an increase in overall population, but then that should also skew the earlier results. Found it interesting personally. Perhaps others will too.

I reckon it's a bit of both OP. Older kids have increased experience, height, strength, powers of persuasion, knowledge of their own influence and barefaced cheek to try more things than smaller kids, but also adding new influences muddles the status quo with varying results.

It's kinda like you bake the same recipe every year, with the same ingredients but increasing quantities. Then one year you chuck in new ingredients. It's gonna change the result. The change might be subtle, it might be a positive change that you enjoy, or it might be gross and ruin the dish. You added new ingredients to the party, the result was more cheek and house damage. Better luck next time!

What would your reaction be either way? You've brought it up a lot. Seem very invested. In fact invested in the whole thread. Genuinely interested as to whether you'd be more appalled if the OP is a single parent or if they have a 'passive partner'.

I guess it depends on the definition of peridodocally and hoping the orients were all sober and of right mind - other time has less meaning 😂

Interesting. I would guess that the very sudden increase of freedom increases young adult deaths. It used to be that you gained independence slowly, "you're 8 so
you can play in the street, you're 10 so you can bike to the shops alone, you're 13 so you can get a paper round etc" so you learnt how the world work. These days kids seem to be very protected and tidy at 18 suddenly live alone or at uni with all the temptations it holds. The jump is MASSIVE and i imagine very hard. So because they haven't been the ones to make decisions they just don't have the experience to assess properly.

Sorry - the above post was meant yo quote this.

Just don't invite them again op.
It's not how most kids behave.
We have similar parties and it's fine.

Our friends kids now range from 2-15. Everyone plays nice.

Yes I thought that too, but then thought it was a snapshot in 2018, meaning the 18-25 year olds were born in 1994-2000, and the 5 year olds in 2013. Feels amazing to me that people who turned 18 in 2018 were coddled to that level. I always thought it was a much more recent thing. But then I also keep saying the pandemic was last year so what do I know 😂

So you don't/didn't leave your children unattended in the room next door whilst you were just a few steps away? Until they were what age? Older than 6 evidently but what...8? 10? 14? The OP has said time and time again she was a few steps away and adults were in and out of the room. You seem a bit goady.

However I'm sure you have a lovely mess and scribble free home, with nothing broken and probably noone ever scraped a knee or bumped a head. That's likely what's important when raising humans. Not autonomy, resilience, a confident sense of self etc from being left out of the eyeshot of big brother for any period of time.

Why didn't you ask them to leave. I have a dd aged 8 and no way she act like that or any of her friends.

Maybe you haven't read her subsequent updates. Maybe you're just a a bit of a troll. Unsure. But I think the OP has the right idea not giving you any more attention. I shall bid thee adieu!

Children need supervising - a responsible adult present would have totally changed the dynamics. I am not in favour of children at parties where adults are off task and drinking alcohol. It’s not a good mix.