Vile text

[JustWondering222]

My 10yr old received a horrendous text last night (honestly I've never seen anything like it. So many swear words, telling him to kill himself 😧 telling him to suck pussy, telling him everyone hates him (the f word was used quite a few times as were other foul swear words.. basically every other word was a swear word and the general message was to go kill yourself because you r the worst of the worst) from someone that's normally a good friend. I was really shocked because my DC is quite innocent and didn't even understand half the message or half the words used.

I sent the mum a screenshot so she can ask her child about it and have talked to my DC about it and he feels ok. I praised him for showing me the text. He knows I've texted the mum so is worried he'll get called a snitch, but otherwise he's fine. I've reassured him he did the right thing. He's quite popular at school and has never been bullied or received anything like this before. The two boys are normally good friends and have a lovely friendship group. They've known each other several years, had playdates etc..

My question is, is it enough just to raise this with the boys mum, or would you also mention something to school? (I'm just quite shocked at the language and venom coming out of a 10yr old. I'm a bit worried about the boy to be honest.. Also a bit worried because another child might get v upset by this kind of message. My son has another friend that is very vulnerable and has sen and the boy that sent the message previously had a falling out with this child. If he sent such a text to this boy, or another like him, it would likely quite severely impact them.)

Most kids have a phone in Year 6 these days.

Always better to have open communication with your kids, teach them of the dangers without scaring them too much and teach them how to be sensible and safe.

Same with drugs, sex etc. You can’t shelter them forever by saying don’t have it or do it or pretending it doesn’t happen. Better to teach them how to be safe.

OP it really doesn’t matter how sorry either the mother or her son is, and whether you upset her or not doesn’t come into it. This is a criminal offence and her son is of the age of responsibility. Your son is the priority here and you need to act so that this boy knows the gravity of what he has done - especially as he has a friend who is vulnerable because of SEN. At the very least report it to the school and make sure they take it seriously. I’m really sorry but I would be reporting it to the police to make sure they scare this child into realising what he’s done - both to stop him targeting your son in the future, and any other child he has contact with. The vile nature of the text is bad enough, but the allusion to suicide is another level entirely. This is too serious a matter to try to deal with among yourselves.

The minimum age to use WhatsApp in the UK is 13 - it was 16 until April this year - aware because I got involved with it as a safeguarding issue at work.
Not saying the bullying wouldn't happen over sms, put if your parenting decision is to override controls, there are consequences.

@Allfur you're right. This isn't to shame you OP. My child has one. It's a nightmare, I hate it. We take it away and monitor it but I feel sick every day about what's going on with it.

Kids are older now in so many ways than we were at their age.

Where did this poster say it wasn’t ?

@EdithBond agree with you also.

This was my thought too.

I think :
a)I'd contact the mum again- by phone and have a conversation about it. I would be really concerned about what had prompted something so horrible.
b) I'd want something to happen between the two boys face to face to sort this out- with both parents there eg at your house for 15 minutes, so that they are not facing each other at school tomorrow with no 'putting right' having happened.
c) I'd be gradually cooling that relationship .
d) I would definitely tell the school.

Thanks. I will mention to school tomorrow.

The boys r (probably) going to different secondary schools, so that's quite a relief (up til this text we were quite sad about the split at secondary. How things change). They r in the same year (yr 6) and same best friend group, but different classes so that also will help with the distancing..

Op has already confirmed that the child sent the text.

This.

This happened at our primary school, you would be surprised how many swear words they all know and I've heard them when gaming...do you know if the said friend has started gaming with other kids online as ive ward a horrendous amount of talk like the text online..
Just a thought as you say it's out of character!

It's possible that what caused this outburst was something very trivial by adult standards. At one of my daughters birthday parties a child became extremely upset almost hysterical. She was so incoherent it took quite a while for me to discover exactly what had upset her. I was horrified. I knew this child well and she was a very sensible confident little girl.
It turned out another child had said that her mother's wallpaper was crap. That was it nothing else. This other child had never been in her house and her mother didn't actually have wallpaper.

I would tell the school so they can look out for any bullying or anything else. If you are happy with apology and the other mums punishment then tell the school that. More to just share information?

Op I work in a school. While I see how much time dealing with these things takes, we absolutely do not want our pupils to be dealing with something like that. Things that happen outside of school never stay outside of school so the teachers need to know.

Whatever the cause, it’s not acceptable.

Eh! Dumb phones as a police officer suggested. I think I'd be inclined to take their advice.

The child is ten. The age of criminal responsibility.

I would be very concerned about a 10 year old knowing that sort of language, particularly as some of it is sexual in nature. Please, please inform the school and send them a screenshot of the message so they are aware.

Absolutely. A smartphone is not a good idea for 10 year olds.

im glad you are telling the school. For all you know this may not be the first message the child has sent. you already said there is a vulnerable child who could be distressed at something like this.

Don't feel guilty about the other mum. Its a very positive sign that both she and her child have apologised. She is probably glad she knows directly from you, than not knowing at all.
You are not betraying her by telling the school, you could be preventing an escalation of the situation which could have a much greater impact on her child. This needs to be sorted out and you have done all you can. Its good that the school will be taking over the responsibility. It is easier for them to mediate.
I would take a bit of a step back for a while.

Could it be that the boy is upset that they are going to different schools and thinks he might be left behind?

I hope your boy is feeling OK now that you've had an apology

Why have you typed 'breck'?

Breck Bednar was a real person who was murdered and doesn't deserve to be referred to like that.

Agreed. Didn't say it was! Poo

I started to say poor ! I can't edit!

Shouldn't this level of bullying be a police matter? The fact that you know the bully and his mother don't change the fact that this is extreme bullying.