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AIBU?

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Original poster

Very rude teen son

186 replies

ChristmasHound · 01/12/2024 09:48

Seeking some advice please. My (almost) teen son has become extremely rude and disrespectful towards me/his sibling and occasionally his Dad but mostly towards me. He’s begun to insult my appearance calling me “Megamind”, says how big my nose is, walks up to me measuring my forehead and has begun to say “you’re a big girl” and insults my teeth. (I’m only a size 10 and petite) We look extremely similar, same nose, forehead, teeth etc so I tell him he’s just insulting himself as we look the same. He also constantly uses how I have ADHD as an insult “ok ADHD” (He is currently being assessed himself for ASD and ADHD) He’s in a class with many friends who are autistic or have ADHD.

It’s a huge problem though and very waring. I just took his breakfast up to his room as a Sunday treat and first thing he said was “oh you’re looking like a Megamind today!” 🙄

OP posts:
Teenagehorrorbag · 02/12/2024 22:23

DS was diagnosed ASD and ADHD aged 4 - and we have had all sorts of issues over the years. Now 16 and he's amazing (although social interactions are still tricky for him).

But I would never have put up with insults like you describe - your DS needs serious conversations and consequences for offensive behaviour!

eRobin · 02/12/2024 22:30

LizzieBowesLyon · 02/12/2024 22:09

That’s a colossal sweeping statement and wholly inaccurate. All 3 of mine are ND, 2 wi the ASD and I can assure you they got it.

Show quote history

That doesn’t mean they understand how the punishment relates to the crime or why doing a certain thing means fhey are getting a punishment. Getting a punishment won’t get to the root cause of the behaviour anyway.

pikkumyy77 · 03/12/2024 02:46

LBFseBrom · 02/12/2024 20:17

His dad needs to get involved, op, and must speak very sternly to your son about his rudeness, stressing the importance of respect for others, imposing some punishment if he doesn't stop.

Kids go through phases, I never had that with my son but I was certainly very rude at times to my mother. Mind you, my mother was extremely rude to me :-).

Sometimes children don't know their own strength.

Get dad to sort it out and pronto.

RTFT

HoundsOfSmell · 03/12/2024 03:15

How is he saying these things? Weird term of affection? I know a lot of 12 13 14 year olds and they rib their good friends endlessly, while not bothering to rib others. Talking to him about how it makes you feel might be the answer?

Or is he saying it more because he knows it annoys you? If this is the case use a screen time ban whenever he says something.

BadPeopleFan · 03/12/2024 06:14

WatchOutForBabyHaggis · 02/12/2024 21:00

In the time and place I grew up in this would have been unimaginable

It still is unimaginable to some of us.

We've never raised a hand to our dc but they have a healthy level of respect for us and I think also a healthy level of 'fear' for want of a better word. I can't even imagine of one my teenagers calling me a cunt or making targeted cruel comments about my appearance. Firstly because they're decent kids but secondly because they're both fully aware that hell would rain down on their bloody heads like never before for such behaviour - so they wouldn't dare, even if they were inclined to.

I read mn open mouthed sometimes with threads like this. Not necessarily at the op which is a 'one off' but at the number of posts that follow saying oh it's to be expected, my dc is exactly the same etc and variations of 'it's normal, it will pass'.

It's not normal in my world, not even close.

Absolutely every word of this!
Neither of my children have ever sworn at me. We all swear occasionally but they know the line and they do not cross it.
I think we have lost sight of what it is to be a parent. I don't believe a harmonious household thrives by trying to be their friend/maid and taking whatever shit they decide to throw at us.

Balloonhearts · 03/12/2024 11:51

LizzieBowesLyon · 02/12/2024 22:09

That’s a colossal sweeping statement and wholly inaccurate. All 3 of mine are ND, 2 wi the ASD and I can assure you they got it.

Show quote history

Mine too. Both understand Acceptable vs Not Acceptable.

LizzieBowesLyon · 21/01/2025 02:45

How you doing OP? Did you kick him to the kerb?

Tuftykitten · 21/01/2025 02:48

Take everything off him. No WiFi, no laundry. He makes his own meals. No treats.

WiddlinDiddlin · 21/01/2025 04:03

I would put money on it that he has subconciously (or possibly not) realised that it is much much safer if he emulates his Dad, joins in with Dad, laughs at Dad saying horrid things about people... is on his Dads 'team'...

Because he fears (and he is almost certainly correct) that if he doesn't, if he objects or speaks up, he will be on the recieving end of the same sort of abuse you get.

It doesn't excuse him treating you horribly, but it probably does explain it.

Get out of that relationship and get your kid out of it too.

Hugga · 21/01/2025 04:26

I had a similar dynamic as my ex would undermine me and belittle me in front of DD and also throw his weight around a lot. I think part of it was DD testing whether I would flip out like her Dad if she behaved badly. It took about a year after leaving to reset things but now our relationship is very good. Wishing you all the best, things will be so much better in the future. Sending hugs

Hankunamatata · 21/01/2025 10:01

Urgh I've got one of these who is 13. Asd and adhd. Currently he has had no electronics for a month. Until he can speak and not be rude his phone and laptop are gone. Funnily we are seeing better behaviour now he is spending time building lego etc. But it comes and goes. We are super clear consequences for name calling

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