Xmas eve boxes for children who aren't here on Xmas eve?!

[georgeballooney]

I KNOW this is super early but we are away for 10 days from Monday and then I am working a lot until Christmas so today I have done a lot of my christmas shopping.

This included the contents of my DCs Christmas eve box PJs, hot chocolates, book, toy, sweets that sort of thing. She is 4.

Was putting this all in the box this evening and DH was asking why I haven't done one for DSC who are 15 & 12. I said because they aren't with us Christmas eve this year. He thinks this is unreasonable and I "would still do it if it were DD" whereas I think it's unnecessary if they aren't even going to be there (probably get one at mums).

I did them one last year when they were with us (that was the first year I'd done any at all).

So basically aibu to not do a Christmas eve box for children not even here on Christmas eve? They would be here but only until about 11am on 24th then with mum until boxing day.

And aibu (probably am) to tell him to make his own damn boxes if he wants to.

Im sure he’s more than capable of making a box if you don’t want to do them one. I put my Christmas Eve boxes under the three on the night of the 23rd ready for them to see on the 24th when they wake up so I would make the DSC a box because you said they are with you on the 24th until 11am. Deoends when you plan to give the other child their box. I’d hate for them to feel left out while the other is opening theirs.

Yes, but at some point you realise it's just easier to organise stuff without relying on them. I think that's probably why the rate of failure of second marriages is so high. Some people just aren't very good at pulling their weight in relationships and they don't change.

I don’t think you husband has thought it through. Imagine how pissed off his ex wife will be if they already turn up with Christmas Eve pyjamas etc and she has planned something. Start a different tradition for the years they aren’t with you. A Christmas Eve breakfast with maybe a present in a cracker. And let your husband organise it.

Of course the husband hasn't thought it through - he doesn't think it's his job, it's just something the "womenfolk" should be taking care of 🙄.

What is a Christmas Eve box anyway?

It isn't new, OP gave them Xmas boxes last year, the first year she did them.

This year she has decided to only do it for her DC despite the other children being there for a few hours on Xmas eve.

Oh the old "you don't care for MY children" bullshit that these losers come out with to control, guilt and manipulate women.

The same men who couldn't wait to suck in some poor mug to do the skivvy work of parenting that they are too lazy to do.

These wasters are all the same.
They all use the same script....get any other woman to do my parenting.

Protect yourself OP, you have a right lazy tosser there.

It's not complex if they are not there. I never did Xmas eve boxes but had stockings. But only for the kids who were there at Xmas morning. If my DS was with his dad then his dad made up the stocking.

Can't see any difference tbh

Get that sorted. One day DH will pop out for something and one of the DSC will find a way to need to go to A&E. You do need to have an emergency number, hopefully you never need to use it.

They are there.

OP said in her first post the step-DC are there for a few hours on Xmas Eve morning.

Why can't they get a Xmas Eve box on Xmas Eve?

Well personally our Xmas eve box comes out at about 5pm so they can get their pyjamas on, have some popcorn or sweets while they watch a Christmas film and then read the book before bedtime. So if it's the same in OPs house then it wouldn't make sense to have it on the morning

A lot of people have said this as a dig at OP, but they will also be accusing her of 'overstepping' by giving a box on the morning before they get one from their own mum, so she can't win either way.

No he's not doing one for any of them, just ordering OP to, which is the whole point. His dick wont fall off if he has do them himself and put some effort in for his own bloody children.

Of course they can! Their parent can do it.

It is almost like the clue isnt right there in the name.

🤔

Why?

Its a Xmas eve box - gifts for Xmas eve.

It's some PJs and hot chocolate/popcorn/sweets. I doubt OP put a book in last year for the step-DCs as they're past that.

Why shouldn't their Step-Mother include them in that? There's no particular schedule that needs to be adhered to - you doing it on Xmas Eve in the evening doesn't mean that's the standard. Many people give them in the morning.

OP only started doing it last year and this year has decided not to include the step-DC.

If you're all happy with leaving out step-DC because of some bizarre invented timing 'rule' that literally doesn't exist, go ahead. But don't attempt to dress it up as anything other than OP not caring enough about her step-DC to include them.

Because that's what it is. She got into a relationship with a man with DC and doesn't want to give them the same consideration and care at Xmas as her own child.

Arguing about timings is just deflecting from the OPs issue of not caring enough about her step-DC at Xmas to include them in the family.

Aside from the fact that he feels he can moan at you when he’s done nothing to help, these kids are 12 and 15!

My 15 year old would be very 🤔 at a Christmas Eve box even though he still loves getting a stocking. He doesn’t wear pjs, he has a hot chocolate every night before bed anyway, he certainly doesn’t have a bed time story and he’s getting a book in his stocking and a larger hard back f1 book under the tree and he can help himself to Christmas sweets/ treats. What would go in it?? He’s coming to the pub with us instead 😂.

Based on your op I voted yabu because they'll be with you in the morning, and I thought most people gave the Xmas eve boxes in the morning (things in it to occupy them during the day etc). But if you give your daughter hers in the evening then yanbu. If they were there when you gave your daughter's of course you would need to give them one. But simply they aren't so you don't. I agree with pp who say if it's an issue for him it's an issue he needs to resolve.

@Naunet
He's not ordering OP to though is he?
She made one for DD, he asked why she excluded the other kids which is totally valid.
IMO OP isn't thinking of his kids as her kids which is harsh as she knew he had kids from a previous relationship, yet she still decided to 'blend the families'. You can't now exclude other kids and go about your business like they're not yours.

Still doesn’t answer the question. What is the point of them? What purpose do they serve? The kids are presum getting a stockin and then presents . They now need a present before all of that as well?

"If I suggest he just sort them then if he's bothered I get the whole it's not the point, it just shows him I don't care or don't think about them. "

Ask him if that means he doesn't care about them either as he'd rather argue than sort the 'problem'. Guess he doesn't care about your shared child either as he's not doing the box for them. What about stockings? Christmas dinner? Shopping? If he's going to turn this into how little you care for not doing what is his responsibility for his kids then throw it back at him that clearly he doesn't care for you or shared child by leaving it all to you. You are his wife not his housekeeper.

Surely it just depends on the family? Why do you have to understand it.

I have never done stockings, didn't do them as a kid and don't do them now for DD. It's just one lot of presents, no separate stocking at the end of the bed or anything.

I always had pjs on Xmas eve and some treats while we watched a film in the evening which is what I want to do for DD.

You don't need to understand or do it for yours if you don't want to.

Plenty of families have done presents on Christmas Eve. Some cultures do all presents on Christmas Eve. But some do one or two.

It’s very normal. My family have done it since at least the 60s when her mum gave her and her sisters a gift in Christmas Eve. She did it for us in the 80s. I have always done it for mine. Who are now older.

No one needs it. No child needs Christmas presents at all. But some people have cultures that are different from yours. And sometime these things are picked become more popular and mainstream.

and 99% of the time it’s something they would get anyway, just given on Christmas Eve. Or activities to do.

you aren’t interested in it, so you don’t need to understand it. The faux ‘I don’t understand’ is very strange.

The point is I had never heard of them until today- ever. I have 6 kids- all older now- but have never heard the term Christmas Eve box anywhere. My question was literally with no spin. Literally what is a Christmas Eve box.

No- not faux- I have never heard of them.