Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Xmas eve boxes for children who aren't here on Xmas eve?!

185 replies

georgeballooney · 30/11/2024 19:22

I KNOW this is super early but we are away for 10 days from Monday and then I am working a lot until Christmas so today I have done a lot of my christmas shopping.

This included the contents of my DCs Christmas eve box PJs, hot chocolates, book, toy, sweets that sort of thing. She is 4.

Was putting this all in the box this evening and DH was asking why I haven't done one for DSC who are 15 & 12. I said because they aren't with us Christmas eve this year. He thinks this is unreasonable and I "would still do it if it were DD" whereas I think it's unnecessary if they aren't even going to be there (probably get one at mums).

I did them one last year when they were with us (that was the first year I'd done any at all).

So basically aibu to not do a Christmas eve box for children not even here on Christmas eve? They would be here but only until about 11am on 24th then with mum until boxing day.

And aibu (probably am) to tell him to make his own damn boxes if he wants to.

OP posts:
IVFmumoftwo · 01/12/2024 07:52

YABU for even doing Christmas Eve boxes. Waste of time and money.

mostlylovinglife · 01/12/2024 07:52

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

mostlylovinglife · 01/12/2024 07:54

Posted in wrong place, have requested its removal

LlynTegid · 01/12/2024 07:54

IVFmumoftwo · 01/12/2024 07:52

YABU for even doing Christmas Eve boxes. Waste of time and money.

I agree. Should be consigned to history.

itsgettingweird · 01/12/2024 07:55

I'd have done them for all the kids (if I'd said I'd do that task) and I'd have given them out at 9am ish over breakfast when all together.

It's still Xmas eve, and your DD gets to share it with her siblings.

Startinganew32 · 01/12/2024 07:55

I bet you anything that if you had an older biological child who was spending Christmas with another relative (or if your DH and you split and your DD was spending Christmas with him) you would absolutely make them a box, no question whatsoever. So would everyone else on here who’s saying it’s fine and that the DH should do it. And that’s the point - it’s not about who goes to the shop or whatever - it’s showing that you care.

LlynTegid · 01/12/2024 07:55

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

You are not being mean one bit, please don't think that. And if they are upset on Christmas morning then they need to get a sense of perspective.

RosieLeaf · 01/12/2024 08:00

I've no idea, his penis perhaps

🤣

LottieMary · 01/12/2024 08:01

Yabu not to tell him you weren’t because you did it last year and so set a precedent. I’m all for changing so dh does his share and can give the dsc their bo ss before they go, if they’re there till 11, but he needs to know you’re not doing it this year

78Summer · 01/12/2024 08:01

Perhaps he sees the morning as still being Christmas Eve and assumed this year would be the same.
Perhaps he can speak to their mum and get ideas for one if he thinks they will be upset. It’s far easier to buy for a younger child anyhow.

RosieLeaf · 01/12/2024 08:02

LottieMary · 01/12/2024 08:01

Yabu not to tell him you weren’t because you did it last year and so set a precedent. I’m all for changing so dh does his share and can give the dsc their bo ss before they go, if they’re there till 11, but he needs to know you’re not doing it this year

It’s the 1st December. There is quite some time for DH to get it sorted.

andfinallyhereweare · 01/12/2024 08:04

You could give it to them before they leave on Christmas Eve? Would be a nice thing with not too much effort from you and him (I’m not saying it’s your job)

mitogoshigg · 01/12/2024 08:06

I think giving them new pj's, hot chocolate sachet, sweets and an age appropriate book on the 23rd is the right thing to do unless his ex is doing Christmas Eve boxes herself, perhaps he should find out...

Goldbar · 01/12/2024 08:06

What all of these issues usually come down to is the man in the middle not pulling his weight. Both women in the situation are generally pissed off with him and his lack of effort, which unfortunately translates to being pissed off with each other/not communicating - the latter in an attempt to make the inadequate shared parent take some responsibility.

OP, in all honesty the easiest thing to do (apart from nothing) would be to message the kids' mum and ask if she's doing boxes, if you're on ok terms with her. Not your job at all, I know, but the easiest and fairest for the kids, and probably quicker than relying on the weak link in the middle.

Catza · 01/12/2024 08:07

Startinganew32 · 01/12/2024 07:34

Yes exactly. Or the pp who says yes they should have the box but it must be the dad who sorts it? I can now see why so much of MN finds blended families a total shitshow. I’d absolutely hate to live with an adult who made it clear they weren’t there to do anything for me as that was my parent’s role. I wonder if they think OP should cook dinner for her own child but not for the DSC because that’s her DH’s job.

Show quote history

I wouldn't cook dinner for my step child while they are in their mother's house. Would you?

Original poster
georgeballooney · 01/12/2024 08:09

Goldbar · 01/12/2024 08:06

What all of these issues usually come down to is the man in the middle not pulling his weight. Both women in the situation are generally pissed off with him and his lack of effort, which unfortunately translates to being pissed off with each other/not communicating - the latter in an attempt to make the inadequate shared parent take some responsibility.

OP, in all honesty the easiest thing to do (apart from nothing) would be to message the kids' mum and ask if she's doing boxes, if you're on ok terms with her. Not your job at all, I know, but the easiest and fairest for the kids, and probably quicker than relying on the weak link in the middle.

I don't have means of contacting their mum.

OP posts:
mostlylovinglife · 01/12/2024 08:10

Thanks for reply LLyn Tegid - sorry didn't mean to hijack this thread, have asked for it to be removed.

But yes agree, I want them to have perspective and not feel entitled to endless money.

My thoughts on this thread - OP his penis is indeed stopping him from doing a Christmas Eve box and bloody well done for realising that he's taking the P.

My husband thought it was my job to sort Christmas/birthday gifts for his side of the family and I had been quite happy to do so until I realised it was expected. I told all his family I would no longer be doing so as had enough to do sorting my own family, needless to say he was livid ha!

Dramatic · 01/12/2024 08:12

My oldest daughter isn't here on Christmas eve this year so she's not getting a Christmas eve box, neither is my step daughter who isn't here. The three younger kids are getting one. We actually just do one shared hamper with pyjamas, sweets and a book to share so the only thing they're missing out on is pyjamas really.

RosieLeaf · 01/12/2024 08:13

Goldbar · 01/12/2024 08:06

What all of these issues usually come down to is the man in the middle not pulling his weight. Both women in the situation are generally pissed off with him and his lack of effort, which unfortunately translates to being pissed off with each other/not communicating - the latter in an attempt to make the inadequate shared parent take some responsibility.

OP, in all honesty the easiest thing to do (apart from nothing) would be to message the kids' mum and ask if she's doing boxes, if you're on ok terms with her. Not your job at all, I know, but the easiest and fairest for the kids, and probably quicker than relying on the weak link in the middle.

And the weak link in the middle continues not having to pull his weight, as the womenfolk club together and sort it out. Winner!

Original poster
georgeballooney · 01/12/2024 08:15

IVFmumoftwo · 01/12/2024 07:52

YABU for even doing Christmas Eve boxes. Waste of time and money.

Honestly I'm not interested in anyone's opinions on Xmas eve boxes. I like doing them for my child so it doesn't make any difference to me if someone else doesn't. Each to their own and all that.

OP posts:
Styleislost · 01/12/2024 08:21

georgeballooney · 01/12/2024 08:15

Honestly I'm not interested in anyone's opinions on Xmas eve boxes. I like doing them for my child so it doesn't make any difference to me if someone else doesn't. Each to their own and all that.

Show quote history

Totally agree.

If you enjoy it, do it.

FYI. They aren’t new. My mum did them for us in the 80s. Her mum did them for her and her sisters in the 60s.

I do them now for my 13 and 20 year old. In the same box they have always had. They love their Christmas Eve presents. Including PJs. I know plenty of people on MN would be horrified 😂

What people mean is that they have only just seen them popping up on social media in the last few years. But even on social media they have been around near on a decade.

Enjoy doing it for your child. Thats enough.

TidyTaupeSnail · 01/12/2024 08:27

They are there on Xmas Eve.

You do a Xmas box for all the kids in the family or none.

I don't understand the 'his kids' attitude from some of the posters here.

Skyrainlight · 01/12/2024 08:32

I was watching a YouTube video yesterday and the person I was watching does her Christmas boxes early in December so they get to enjoy the Christmas mugs and pyjamas for the whole month, I thought it was a nice idea. Perhaps you (or get DH to pick up a few items) could do that to include all the children.

Dramatic · 01/12/2024 08:33

Startinganew32 · 30/11/2024 21:52

I’d genuinely be interested in the response to a post along these lines:

I have a child from a previous relationship and s/he spends every other Christmas with his/her dad. I also have a younger child with my DP. DP was making a Christmas surprise/treat/whatever for the youngest so I asked if he was also going to make one for my oldest and he shrugged and said he didn’t see the point as s/he wouldn’t be there and if I was that bothered, I know where the shop is and can do it myself. AIBU to be upset?

I bet you’d get loads of replies about what a dick he is and how the OP had imposed this unkind uncaring man on her eldest and should get rid pronto. But if the sexes are reversed it’s fine apparently.

I'd never expect my daughter to get a Christmas eve box at her Dad's house on Christmas eve, how daft.

Winesoup · 01/12/2024 08:40

I think the key point are that they won't be there for the opening, so your DH would be giving them the Xmas to open at their mums, who might not totally appreicate it, and they're teenagers, they don't need or expect them, too old to start a new tradition.