Page 4 | Xmas eve boxes for children who aren't here on Xmas eve?!

Startinganew32 · 30/11/2024 21:53

YimYum · 30/11/2024 21:48

Is DH unable to do one for his own kids?

Is he an amputee or unable to access shops or the internet?

No. Do any of these afflictions affect the OP who was able to go to the shop to buy the stuff for the youngest but apparently not for the SDC?

AffableApple · 30/11/2024 22:45

Startinganew32 · 30/11/2024 21:52

I’d genuinely be interested in the response to a post along these lines:

I have a child from a previous relationship and s/he spends every other Christmas with his/her dad. I also have a younger child with my DP. DP was making a Christmas surprise/treat/whatever for the youngest so I asked if he was also going to make one for my oldest and he shrugged and said he didn’t see the point as s/he wouldn’t be there and if I was that bothered, I know where the shop is and can do it myself. AIBU to be upset?

I bet you’d get loads of replies about what a dick he is and how the OP had imposed this unkind uncaring man on her eldest and should get rid pronto. But if the sexes are reversed it’s fine apparently.

I'd say the same: That it's a Christmas Eve box. And that they will be with their other parent on Christmas Eve, doing their own Christmas Eve thing - which shouldn't be influenced by their father.

AffableApple · 30/11/2024 22:48

Startinganew32 · 30/11/2024 21:38

Also it’s the thought behind it. Even if you don’t get them PJs just get them some sweets and a book and some hot chocolate. They don’t need to take it to their mums, they can have it waiting for when they return. Jesus, it’s such a simple thing but no, too much bother.

But it's time sensitive. It's for Christmas Eve. That's why it's called a Christmas Eve box. If they do it another night then DD is left out of the group that night as she's had hers - on Christmas Eve.

Startinganew32 · 30/11/2024 22:51

AffableApple · 30/11/2024 22:48

But it's time sensitive. It's for Christmas Eve. That's why it's called a Christmas Eve box. If they do it another night then DD is left out of the group that night as she's had hers - on Christmas Eve.

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Get her another sachet of hot chocolate then. Ffs. All these complex reasons why these older kids need to be left out.

Electricalb · 30/11/2024 22:57

The children are not there Christmas Eve, THAT is the key issue.

He still wants them to have boxes for the night before?
Then he should do them himself.....AND if they are there for Christmas Eve next year, he should be part of organising them for all 3 children.
They are his children.
OP is NOT his personal assistant, despite what he thinks.

AffableApple · 30/11/2024 22:57

Startinganew32 · 30/11/2024 22:51

Get her another sachet of hot chocolate then. Ffs. All these complex reasons why these older kids need to be left out.

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Hardly complex. They're just not there on Christmas Eve! Easy. I don't even do Christmas Eve boxes and it's obvious to me. They're part of the build up the night before, which they're not there for. A few sachets of chocolate between Christmas and New Year isn't the same thing! She's not talking about not buying them Christmas presents - which you can give any day around that time - and should obviously be given in equal measure to all of the children. The boxes are for a specific night.

Everydayimhuffling · 30/11/2024 23:05

Surely he needs to talk to his ex to start with? I'd be a bit pissed off if it was my year to have the kids Christmas eve and he jumped in first with a 23rd December box. Unless she's never done them? If he wants to make it a new tradition as it hasn't been, then he needed to ask you at the very least.

Dontwearmysocks · 30/11/2024 23:12

I wouldn’t be doing Xmas eve boxes at all. More tat and consumption before a day geared almost entirely towards it. I’m not buying more “stuff” to prepare for a day of getting more ”stuff”

Its a fairly recent trend probably dreamt up by whoever sells nauseating Christmas pyjamas. Similarly that fucking elf thing.

whatever happened to having a few mince pies, hanging up stockings and a plate left out for Santa 🤪

healthybychristmas · 30/11/2024 23:20

I can see why your husband wants his children to have one but I can't understand why he wouldn't want to do that himself. I wouldn't want anyone else doing that for my child except one of their parents.

AlleeBee · 30/11/2024 23:24

georgeballooney · 30/11/2024 19:22

I KNOW this is super early but we are away for 10 days from Monday and then I am working a lot until Christmas so today I have done a lot of my christmas shopping.

This included the contents of my DCs Christmas eve box PJs, hot chocolates, book, toy, sweets that sort of thing. She is 4.

Was putting this all in the box this evening and DH was asking why I haven't done one for DSC who are 15 & 12. I said because they aren't with us Christmas eve this year. He thinks this is unreasonable and I "would still do it if it were DD" whereas I think it's unnecessary if they aren't even going to be there (probably get one at mums).

I did them one last year when they were with us (that was the first year I'd done any at all).

So basically aibu to not do a Christmas eve box for children not even here on Christmas eve? They would be here but only until about 11am on 24th then with mum until boxing day.

And aibu (probably am) to tell him to make his own damn boxes if he wants to.

Surely you're doing Christmas with them at some point? So the night before that is your Christmas Eve with them and you give them then?

It must be absolutely sh*t having to live between two families like this, and being able to join in multiple celebrations and traditions is a small way to compensate for the difficulties they have to put up with throughout the rest of the year.

I agree with the PP who said that you and your husband need to take the blame 50/50 as it's just a lack of communication on both your parts.

You just need to say that you're sorry, you didn't think it through as they're not there on the 24th Dec but obviously it would be great if he could resolve this as you're now short on time. I would suggest that he also gets replenishments for anything consumable in your youngest's box so she can then recreate her box to show her older siblings.

If you don't want to deal with multiple Christmases each year, don't have kids with someone who already has kids!

Duckyfondant · 30/11/2024 23:33

All those expecting OP to make all the kids boxes so they don't miss out are forgetting that it can also be really shit knowing that your actual parent got his wife/girlfriend to sort you something special because they couldn't be arsed..

Flumoxed · 30/11/2024 23:37

AffIt · 30/11/2024 19:37

Given that they're going to be with their mother, is that not stepping on her toes a bit?

If they have done them in the past, presumably she'll have something organised. If not, it does look like a bit of an imposition.

(And yes, they are a bit old tbh.)

Yes, totally agree!

Printedword · 30/11/2024 23:44

So your DC is too young to realise Christmas Eve boxes have become a thing and the other kids are not there on Christmas Eve and too old to need this ridiculous extra set of presents/weird imported idea that wasn’t a thing when my DC (now 19) was of appropriate age. It’s like the Elf on the Shelf, ie something one only does if forced into it by every other kid in infants end of primary.

seagulldown · 30/11/2024 23:56

I have my kids this year for Christmas Eve. No idea if their Dad/stepmum do Christmas Eve boxes for their other children, but if they do I wouldn't expect them to give them to mine if they aren't there. I don't think they are a big deal.

I imagine the sort of things in the box would be given another time anyway, perhaps just wrapped as a present on Christmas Day (PJs and chocolate)

Mumof2girls2121 · 01/12/2024 00:01

We do December 1st boxes, get more use out of the stuff in it

Wendysfriend · 01/12/2024 00:15

I don't really get these Christmas eve boxes but I do think that if you do one for one you do one for all.

I get they're his children but surely they are part of your family, I would absolutely die if my children had a stepmother who excluded them, yes he can make them if he wants but if you are already filling a box what's 2 more.

I really don't understand the thinking on here regarding stepchildren, it's always, well they're his kids, they're not my kids, but I could guarantee if your husband left you and remarried and they didn't bother to include your child you'd be upset.

They're with you until 11am you could give them it just before they leave, if their own mam has done a box, great, they have 2. Poor kids they have to go through marriage breakups and all that goes with it, then having 2 homes, then step siblings arrive and they don't even get a lousy Christmas eve box.

twentysevendresses · 01/12/2024 00:18

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But their own mother will want to have this job...can you not see this?? She is having 'her turn' to have them this year. OP and their dad had 'their turn' last year. It's not a case of the OP just being mean!

DianaRiggsCatsuit · 01/12/2024 00:22

@georgeballooney
If he wants the DSC to have Xmas Eve boxes then he should buy and organise it, not you. He is their Dad. He's got a cheek.

Onlyvisiting · 01/12/2024 00:24

Meh. My view is probably skewed by thinking wtf re Christmas eve boxes at all 😅.
BUT- are you responsible for buying their regular presents? If for some reason you have taken responsibility for sorting Christmas stuff for all the kids then yes, I would do the same for all. It's worth making extra effort with a split family to include everyone.
But why would you be solely responsible for presents for all the children? And if he is sorting their other gifts (and I think he should at least be taking the lead on it) then why can't he do his own boxes.

Heartbreakanddamage · 01/12/2024 00:30

Bournetilly · 30/11/2024 19:37

YANBU. They aren’t there, if they were then they would have one like last year. If you give them on the 23rd then they aren’t Christmas Eve boxes and your DD would also have to have hers then or would wonder why she wasn’t getting one. Their mum probably has something planned anyway.

They are there til 11am on Christmas Eve so yes, they are there!

Drivingoverlemons · 01/12/2024 00:30

cgwmtl · 30/11/2024 20:02

If they aren't there it's a bit pointless because they are meant to be Christmas Eve boxes. If he wants to do something like that he can do it on another day and make that evening special for them. But the point is he can do it. He knows (or should know) what they like. He should be the one choosing things so they feel special and loved.

I'm feeling quite miserable today for various reasons and when that happens grief for my parents hits me hard. And this post has upset me. My Dad died 5 years ago. Once I left home my Dad occasionally made up boxes of treats and posted them (even when I lived abroad and it cost a lot to send). He absolutely loved doing it and that was his special thing he did for me. My Mam did different things but they both did things from time to time that were special. It wasn't just my Mam doing stuff (or in your case the stepmum).
What sort of Dad is he that he can't make up a Christmas Eve box for his children himself?

That is so lovely. I am going to steal your Dad’s idea for when my kids are adults. Mine died five years ago too. 💐

OP, tricky one, I would probably just do one because I know that kids can get upset about things you don’t expect. But it is another thing for your list so I’d be asking DH to do it for his kids.

Anxioustealady · 01/12/2024 00:31

AwfulAmount · 30/11/2024 21:15

Could you give all the children their new pj's December 1st instead, or whenever you see them after that? Then they get a few weeks wear out of them.

Do you know what day it is and what time?

You can go buy them today (Sunday the 1st) and give them to them when they next see them? Next weekend is kind of the first weekend in December.

Don't be condescending to me when I'm trying to offer solutions so everyone's happy (tag me next time)

Drivingoverlemons · 01/12/2024 00:32

twentysevendresses · 01/12/2024 00:18

But their own mother will want to have this job...can you not see this?? She is having 'her turn' to have them this year. OP and their dad had 'their turn' last year. It's not a case of the OP just being mean!

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This is a very good point. I’d get him to check with her.

shittestusernameever · 01/12/2024 00:34

@Lwrenn I'm from the northwest and we always got pjs and hot chocolate things on Christmas Eve, and a little book. Must be regional

I've always done my kids a first of December box. It's filled with Christmas crafts, cookie kits, advent calendar, Christmas socks and pjs.

Yellowbananasarebetterthangreen · 01/12/2024 00:38

OR just not do Christmas Eve boxes at all. They seem to now be an almost essential thing. Even though only a few years ago they werent a thing at all.

I adore Christmas but totally cba with all the instagram worthy extras (xmas eve boxes, that nasty elf, matching pjs, a new story book everyday through December........ Im sure there are more. Dont even start me on nonsense like crackers at Easter!)