Xmas eve boxes for children who aren't here on Xmas eve?!

[georgeballooney]

I KNOW this is super early but we are away for 10 days from Monday and then I am working a lot until Christmas so today I have done a lot of my christmas shopping.

This included the contents of my DCs Christmas eve box PJs, hot chocolates, book, toy, sweets that sort of thing. She is 4.

Was putting this all in the box this evening and DH was asking why I haven't done one for DSC who are 15 & 12. I said because they aren't with us Christmas eve this year. He thinks this is unreasonable and I "would still do it if it were DD" whereas I think it's unnecessary if they aren't even going to be there (probably get one at mums).

I did them one last year when they were with us (that was the first year I'd done any at all).

So basically aibu to not do a Christmas eve box for children not even here on Christmas eve? They would be here but only until about 11am on 24th then with mum until boxing day.

And aibu (probably am) to tell him to make his own damn boxes if he wants to.

Tech they are there on the 24th till 11/noon

So you could do them one esp as doing your dd one

When did you open them last year ?

If you did then last year for all I can get why dh thinks you will this year

Christmas Eve boxes typically contain things to do on Christmas Eve evening (pyjamas, hot chocolate, reindeer food, bath bombs etc). They are not going to be there to use these things and their mum may have arranged this anyway seeing as she has them on Christmas Eve.

All this aggro over £15, just so they can justify not doing something kind for stepchildren.

@Bournetilly my dd opens hers around lunchtime. Has colouring books /painting stuff in it so activities for the day

All cheap from home bargains

Just everyone is saying kods aren't there Xmas eve

They are in am. Just not Xmas eve evening

Thats true. I think as long as they give the box after 11am then it’s fine. I’m sure OP won’t give the box to her DD whilst SC are there.

Obviously if planning to give it when they are there then they get something too.

Sounds like he wants all of the children to receive the same, which I think it's nice. He can definitely organize though it's not all your job.

If he wants them to have one, he can’t sort it himself.

So when children are not around they miss out, would this work in reverse there has been times when an ops children have been treated differently and people say that is not fair

So i take it there are instances where whatever an op says is agreed on regardless?

But presents Christmas eve and again Christmas day is overkill, same with presents to go with advent calendars on 1st dec

Yes that’s one of the rules: step children always miss out even if they aren’t even there to notice anything. However it’s totally fine for them to be treated better and receive more than the other kids as we have seen. If they get nothing because they aren’t even there they miss out but if they get two boxes because mum makes one too then that’s only right because of their hard years of being in a separated family.

I’m amazed nobody has mentioned the “mental load” yet but just assumed that OP should “just do it” and “what’s two more boxes if you are already doing one” like it doesn’t take effort to prepare something for a completely different age and interest group to her own child. At least some people saying the dad should do it if he’s that bothered

Why does he automatically assume you would do them rather than think to do them himself?

They should have one, but your dh should organise it. I'd do it as an advent box though so that the pyjamas etc can be used throughout the month and it doesn't take away from the anticipation on Christmas Eve.

I think it depends on when the children would normally receive the boxes? In the morning, or later on in the day? If they got them in the morning last year then they will probably expect them again and it’s unfair to leave them out. If in the evening, then you are fine.

For context, I have step-children and biological children myself and am also a step-child myself.

We wouldn't be giving DD hers until the evening, same as last year.

I agree with PPs to be honest that giving DSC the night before/in the morning/ sending them with a box to mums is totally taking over her Christmas eve. She might have her own plans, in fact knowing her I'm certain she will even if it's not a box. It's her turn to plan Christmas eve.

If I'd gone to the effort last year and then she just sent them round with boxes she had done I think I'd be pissed.

Why can’t their step mum do it seeing as she’s doing the one for their younger sibling? You do realise that this insistence that the parent does absolutely everything for the child is likely to prevent a good relationship between kids and step parents?

Yes exactly. Or the pp who says yes they should have the box but it must be the dad who sorts it? I can now see why so much of MN finds blended families a total shitshow. I’d absolutely hate to live with an adult who made it clear they weren’t there to do anything for me as that was my parent’s role. I wonder if they think OP should cook dinner for her own child but not for the DSC because that’s her DH’s job.

He should be doing them!

Why isn’t their father doing it?

Because it’s the dad who is demanding she does it. If someone demands something - they can do it themselves.

It’s not a mum/stepmum job because they are a woman.

I did do them last year and I'll likely do them next year. Because they will actually be here.

I don't see the need this year as they aren't with us. Which is why I've suggested if DH does want to, then he is just as capable as me at sorting it and arranging it.

Xmas eve boxes are weird. That aside, I wouldn't do them for the step children.

I assume they are DH's DC? what exactly prevents him from prepping them?

I hazard a guess that the step mum cooks for the step children when they are with them. I assume the step mum is not cooking for them when they are staying with the bio mum. same principle. some replies are bonkers!

Yes they are DHs DC.

I've no idea, his penis perhaps.

If I suggest he just sort them then if he's bothered I get the whole it's not the point, it just shows him I don't care or don't think about them.

Which is rubbish. Because I did them last year. I just don't see the need when they aren't here. That's just a different opinion to him, not lack of care.

OK well problem solved then. He's got plenty of time to sort it out.