Xmas eve boxes for children who aren't here on Xmas eve?!

[georgeballooney]

I KNOW this is super early but we are away for 10 days from Monday and then I am working a lot until Christmas so today I have done a lot of my christmas shopping.

This included the contents of my DCs Christmas eve box PJs, hot chocolates, book, toy, sweets that sort of thing. She is 4.

Was putting this all in the box this evening and DH was asking why I haven't done one for DSC who are 15 & 12. I said because they aren't with us Christmas eve this year. He thinks this is unreasonable and I "would still do it if it were DD" whereas I think it's unnecessary if they aren't even going to be there (probably get one at mums).

I did them one last year when they were with us (that was the first year I'd done any at all).

So basically aibu to not do a Christmas eve box for children not even here on Christmas eve? They would be here but only until about 11am on 24th then with mum until boxing day.

And aibu (probably am) to tell him to make his own damn boxes if he wants to.

They are not present at the house on Christmas Eve.
No box.

Maybe she thinks his penis will get in the way.

Their mum will be doing Christmas eve it would be rude to crash their day

It's not a new thing, it's just got bigger and more popular so some people have to sneer at it (usually based on the fact they didn't do it as kids therefore they think nobody ever did)

I always got new pyjamas on Christmas Eve (because Christmas morning photos my Nana didn't want mismatched jammies or ones that were too short etc) and a book. My Nana got the idea from her parents who did the same, for the same reasons. So not remotely recent!

Some folks just jazz it up a bit now with the box ideas

I voted YANBU to not do them one. But I'd probably want to do them one. But I love shit like that. I would get DH to communicate with the ExW to see if she was doing them one. They don't need two lots of PJs etc.

(I don't communicate with DHs ex, we've been together 12+ years, married for 10, they split up 20 years ago, their children are adults, she still calls me "that tramp" 😁)

Could you give all the children their new pj's December 1st instead, or whenever you see them after that? Then they get a few weeks wear out of them.

You could get snacks or popcorn & sweets the evening you give them the pj's in early Dec and watch a Christmas film together. Maybe do the tree that weekend.

You can give your child the books and sweets Christmas Eve still. Maybe even get more pj's if that matters to you, both don't need to be super Chrismassy so they can wear them through the year (tartan is good because it's festive but can wear it whenever).

@ARichtGoodDram it's lovely that new jammies have been a tradition in your family for so long, I love it was because nana didn't want mismatched pjs. That's made me smile 😁

Its a bit shit to do it one year and not the next - not their fault they are at their mums. And they are with you on Christmas eve for a time

Just think if you and your husband split up - how would you feel if your daughters stepmum did boxes for their kids, but not yours?

But they are with you on Christmas Eve, even if it’s daytime Christmas eve. I would do one for them, and give it to them on Christmas eve morning.

It is open to different views whether children need one Christmas Eve box.

They certainly don't need two.

If he falls into the "Christmas Eve" box camp (which is a reasonable position to be in), then surely the first thing he should do is check with the DSC's mum if she is organising a box. If she is, great, no further action needed. If she isn't, then maybe he (not you, OP, he) can take charge and drop boxes off at hers for Christmas Eve (or give the night before, whatever).

Too right. He's got more than 3 weeks to sort it!

Tell him to ask his ex what she wants to do and offer to pay half.

I agree, I think Christmas Eve boxes should be something the parent gets to do who has them - if they want to do one

What is a Christmas Eve Box ? When did they start, have never heard of them ?!
Don't kids get up at the crack
of dawn on 25th anymore to see what's in their stockings, followed by present opening later ?
No spring chicken but can not be that much behind the times.

I would chuck in a couple of Easter Eggs in case you are away next year. Oh, and a couple of those palm cross thingies if they are religious

If you’re doing them for your kids I would. Believe me it’s the teeny tiny things that get under peoples skin. Dont go all in but offer up something

No I would never do one for my dsd if she wasn’t there on Xmas eve. Pointless.

and if he’s that bothered then he can go and make it.

That. Giving them one the day before steps right on her toes, and makes hers less of an event. It also gives the kids the opportunity to compare the boxes and judge the parents, which would be grim.

Their dad should do them one.

Doing a Christmas Eve box for them to take home would be treading on their mother's toes. If he disagrees, he can do everyone a box for the 23rd, and you keep your box for your DC for the next night. Problem solved.

I’d do one for all of them. Except it sounds like such a lame trend so maybe for none of them. But I’d definitely do one for them all if I was going to do one for one of them.

But they'll be with their mum. Why would they get two boxes to OP's child's one?

Maybe the mum doesn’t do these stupid boxes. Not everyone does.

I literally just spoke to my 20yo niece who is the dsc in her dad's household and feels like they have their own life and she's not a part of that. How sad.

Treat all your kids the same. Make them the damn box and either give to their mum ahead of time or give them when they come round after. Imagine your biological DCs saying 'look what I got' and they got nothing.

To all those saying 'why isn't the husband doing it they're his kids'. He's not making any damn boxes in the first place. Not his idea, but excluding his kids still hurts.