How to deal with an 18-year-old son's girlfriend

[BrianBlessed01]

They were at school together, my 18YO 'held a candle for her', as they used to say, then they got together nearly two years ago. All good; really happy for them; relationships best built on a friendship etc. Except this girl is a total diva. I have depression plus am in chronic pain; hence our flat is a total, embarrassing, mess, so she's never been round here. So my son, who's busy with a degree apprenticeship, always goes round to hers when he sees her (she still lives at home.) The thing is, although I was open and happy to know her, I really don't like her, and my normally kind and thoughtful boy turns into someone unrecognisable when she's involved. My older boy and his g/f really don't like her either. I can't do anything, can I? My 18-Y-old still lives with me, in our small London flat, and gives me £50 a week since he's been earning. But I feel like telling him to off and go and live with her and her family. She's quite a bright girl, apparently but she's totally dropped out of education (didn't do A-levels), but her own mum had her when she was 17, and hasn't worked since... I'm worried there's a familial pattern of just taking the piss out of the state, supplemented by people like my kind, hard-working son, who is ONLY 18. Any advice welcomed. Thanks.

You need to stop focusing on your adult children and focus on yourself .
Longterm that's your best plan.
Don't get involved in his relationship

OP it sounds like you've a lot going on. Echoing those who say to claim PIP for household support. As a fellow person with trauma and depression I've found the messier my house, the worse my mental state is. You might find you've got more energy to build up a more productive relationship with your son's girlfriend if you have a little more headspace and general support around the house.

And I'm so sorry for the loss of your partner.

If you read my post upthread, I have listed the misogynist insults you used, but I'll put them here to refresh your mind:

Diva
Bitchy little Anthea Turner
I'm not some slut
Gorgons
Banshees... screeching

My advice?

• Lay off the misogyny about this 17yo girl, and about the posters on here
• Get your adult sons to help keep the house they live in clean and tidy

Thank you. I make a list every day of things I need to do, and every day, recently, I have got better at working through them.

But many people work and then struggle to keep on top of domestic chores if they have medical issues. All reserves are used for their job so housework can slide.

The language you've used on this thread to describe other women is misogynistic. Read it back.

How nasty and judgemental are you about a young woman you don't even know?
Keep this attitude and you won't get to know her
She has done nothing wrong and speaking personally if my DS's are with someone who makes them happy, then I am happy for them

I am sorry about your partner.

Don’t be that sorry; he wasn’t her partner. He was her sons’ father but they had been separated for more than 15 years before he died. The OP is just posturing for sympathy.

Good Lord, you sound angry! Thanks for the input anyway.

Is that true OP?

I'm not the one chucking insults about, but whatever. You do you.

If the worse thing she does is be a picky eater you are blessed do you have any idea the amount of people being physically, mentally and sexually abused by their partners most of these people have parents who have to watch this happen and can't do a thing about it.

Thank you so much, that makes a lot of sense, and means a lot.

Are you still reliant on alcohol, OP?

I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a clear case of projection as this lol

Well to answer your question “How to deal with an 18-year-old son's girlfriend” directly, my answer would be that you don’t “deal with” her. It doesn’t sound like she needs dealing with. You call her a diva but the only example you can give is that she’s a fussy eater? So are lots of people! If that’s the only example you can give of how simply awful she is then I’d hazard you are projecting just a tad.

OP I can't believe some of the responses you've had on here. I feel so sorry for you. You are coping with chronic pain, grief and depression - some people on here have no compassion at all.
I don't think that people often end up with the girlfriend they have at 18, so try not to let this girl get to you too much. I hope things start to get better for you soon 💐

Well, you sound like a ray of bloody sunshine OP
Judgemental as hell!
You are the nightmare mother in laws that I thought were a myth!

That sounds good. Don’t make huge lists though. If it’s declutter that is needed then start with that and take for example 3 things a day to throw out or whatever. Anything is better than nothing, to not feel stuck in reverse.

That didn’t read as angry, but ok. The only angry posts are yours OP.

Definite references to your previous threads OP. Has something happened to trigger making this thread?

Yup I just read that too.

Separated when her 21 and 18 year olds were 4 and 1, apparently.

I had a friend who used to rewrite history after her ex and father of her children died too. The kids grew up to resent that she put her 'grief' ahead of theirs every time. They are now young adults with their own families and have no contact with her.

Erm... what's your source? It is true that we had been separated since our kids were very small, but we continued to love and support each other, and I still grieve him to this day. I'd really love to know where this has come from (although I think I know full well who it is - he never liked you either...)

Op, your original comment makes literally no sense,
Youre rather snarky about the girlfriends mum being on benefits, yet go to great lengths to explain you work full time-even though you’re in too much pain and too depressed to flick a Hoover round your flat?

You’ve totally contradicted yourself. If you can work full time, you can tidy and clean to an acceptable level. How can you let your kids live somewhere filthy?
Nobody is saying you need to be Kim and Aggie, just make it liveable and hygienic! You absolutely can do this if you can manage to work full time 🤦🏻‍♀️

Everything you’ve said about his girlfriend does not paint her as the terrible person you’re trying to make her appear. So she’s a fussy eater-so what?
Does that mean she’s the spawn of satan?

You’ve posted about it before, OP, and your posts are easily searchable here.