For not wanting our friend couple to bring baby over to our house?

[Samatha09]

Hello dear people, my good friend (lets call her Ava) had her first baby for 11 months ago. A sweet baby girl. Me and my partner used to invite ava and her partner over for dinner and game nights, movie nights and vica versa (before baby). Now we have mostly gone at their home, my and my partner prefer that. Also they have everything the baby needs at their home, changing table, dining chair, toys ect. We also don’t have a childproof home. Decorations at floor and that. Since i know they let baby crawl around to explore.

Don’t want baby to ruin our stuff like get spit up or for the baby to eat or choke on something. I kinda feel like they getting disapointed on us, but she also implies that it won’t be easy to play board games or watch a movie with baby around. So this may sound very asshole like but me and my partner don’t see the point of inviting them over if its all gonna be centred about the baby. Also i said to my friend that we don’t always need to have dinner at her home whenever we come over. We don’t expect dinner tbh.We also bring with us some snacks and sodas over.

Also i think its easier for them than having to bring tons of stuff over for the baby

YANBU OP. My home isn’t childproofed these days.

When my family and friends started having kids, it caused problems because despite my best efforts to childproof, things would always get damaged or broken in really unexpected ways and the parents would inevitably get defensive and suggest that I was at fault for buying expensive things or not having experience of children.

These days I don’t have parent friends and so I find hosting is much more enjoyable in the round. I don’t have or want to maintain a child-centric home or be shamed for not buying the cheapest of everything just in case it’s broken by a child.

So this may sound very asshole like but me and my partner don’t see the point of inviting them over if its all gonna be centred about the baby.

Yep, it does.

Bingo. I knew it wouldn’t take long.

You appear to suggesting that childless people must do everything requested of them by parents, in gratitude for them raising a future taxpayer, which is clearly bonkers.

Have seen this attitude so many times on here. Along with the old bum washing line.

You should be able to create one child-safe room in your home in about 15 minutes, OP. Move everything that is both reachable and breakable into another room, or on to high shelves. Identify anything that might cause the baby damage (eg coffee table with glass corners) and either move it into another room or make it safe. Hoover the floor and wipe down the surfaces. Put an old but clean rug or blanket on the floor if you're worried about the carpet. Keep the door shut at all times while your visitors are there.
During the visit, it's the parents' job to the watch the baby, not yours, unless they specifically ask you to keep an eye on him/her while they are out of the room. There will be some attention on the child of course, but you can still have a nice chat with your friends for part of the evening and they will have a break from the daily grind.

Married for 30 years and childless by choice here and you still sound like a nob to me

It's absolutely fine, OP. You don't have to invite anyone to your house if you don't want to. It's entirely your prerogative.

Of course, it's equally up to your friends if they decide that they can't be arsed to be friends with you any more because of your lack of effort. Again, entirely their prerogative.

Yeah, it's tiresome.

Especially when one assesses the huge number of useless, dependent, anti-social, non-contributing and otherwise burdensome people the last 30-50 years of parenting has produced.

Imagine if parents of adult failures were made to repay all of the pro-family benefits they took.

That same poster had the audacity to tell me that she just KNEW I didn't have children...even though I do. Pay no heed to them. I await the insults of "my poor children..."😂

Oh and that I shouldn't be "ashamed or try to hide it" 🙄🤔

You could get a playpen to put the baby in with a few toys.

Honestly you sound like such an awful friend. You cant try and baby proof one single room in your house to make a dear friends baby safe. Having a baby can take an enormous toll on your friends, on their marriage, their lives have changed and you cant be bothered with the most minimal amount of effort. Have you considered they might want a change of scenery and to get out of the house?

You dont have to want or even like kids but you do have to make an effort or else do them a favour and dont bother. Women never forget how they are treat in pregnancy and post partum so if you are unkind now your friendship will likely never recover.

Have DC who are now just at primary school and someone brought over their toddler - was a total nightmare as we had clearly forgotten how baby proofed the place needed to be. If I were them I would enjoy my own home more but maybe they think you find it a hassle to go there and feel bad about it. Can they not come later and settle the baby to sleep (ours were asleep by 7 at that age) and took them to all sorts that they slept through so we could play games etc

You also sound so immature earlier when you mentioned them being 'obsessed' with their baby. You cannot begin to understand how deep that love is and it's a bit unfair to call it obsession.

I'm travelling internationally to stay with a friend and she is buying milk and cutlery and borrowing travel cot for my baby (none of which I asked for.) If you love your friend then you really got to put in effort with the baby too or she will pick up on it.

I'm travelling internationally to stay with a friend and she is buying milk and cutlery and borrowing travel cot for my baby

Not comparable at all to OPs situation though.

Agree it’s better they host as they have baby stuff at their house
You don’t have to adapt or baby proof,because you don’t need to

Exactly. When you have a baby you have to move everything below a certain height. Are some of you really expecting the OP to do this. And get the covers for sockets etc, make sure cupboard doors can't be opened etc? I am just looking round my lounge now and thinking about all the things that would have to be moved! Fine for my own baby/toddler, not fine for a few hours' visit.

Some 11 month olds are very mobile. Obviously some aren't but in a few weeks they are!

A lot of the people on this thread are just being sanctimonious keyboard warriors and/or not thinking things through.

YANBU. My house isn't baby proof any more (DC are teens) and we have dogs. I do have one friend who had her first late, she does come over but I have made it clear that aside from basic tidying up/making sure any small swallowable things are out of the way, I'm not baby proofing and it's her job to look out for the bairn if she does come over, keep her from bothering the dogs, etc. If she expects a totally hazard free home, she should host gatherings until the bairn is old enough to not need baby proofing.

Oh for goodness sake.

Edited: not sure I was "treated" anything after having a baby.

The OP is right - some people are obsessed.

Quite - it’s a baby, not a cluster bomb

It's not unreasonable for the OP to want to spend time with her friends and not spend the entire time trying to make sure a baby doesn't hurt itself.

I think some of you have forgotten how quickly and easily babies and toddlers can get themselves into bother.

Why should the OP have to fork out for a playpen and toys?

So fxxking rude.

Are you the mumsnet police?

No? .......then stop posting who can and cannot post on MN.