For not wanting our friend couple to bring baby over to our house?

[Samatha09]

Hello dear people, my good friend (lets call her Ava) had her first baby for 11 months ago. A sweet baby girl. Me and my partner used to invite ava and her partner over for dinner and game nights, movie nights and vica versa (before baby). Now we have mostly gone at their home, my and my partner prefer that. Also they have everything the baby needs at their home, changing table, dining chair, toys ect. We also don’t have a childproof home. Decorations at floor and that. Since i know they let baby crawl around to explore.

Don’t want baby to ruin our stuff like get spit up or for the baby to eat or choke on something. I kinda feel like they getting disapointed on us, but she also implies that it won’t be easy to play board games or watch a movie with baby around. So this may sound very asshole like but me and my partner don’t see the point of inviting them over if its all gonna be centred about the baby. Also i said to my friend that we don’t always need to have dinner at her home whenever we come over. We don’t expect dinner tbh.We also bring with us some snacks and sodas over.

Also i think its easier for them than having to bring tons of stuff over for the baby

Which I would then have to store somewhere

I've never encountered people who don't want children in their home in case they damage it, so to me it seems very precious indeed. But it's their choice certainly.

Exactly. I can't remember doing anything to our house. We just watched our baby and made adjustments ourselves. We were always out and about, friends' houses, restaurants, cafes etc. She never damaged anything.

I actually think it's so mean of you both to give the message; we value your friendship only enough to go to your house but can't make any effort which would allow you two to actually go somewhere else.

I'm amazed how mnay people think you're unreasonable. I have 4 children. Some of my friends have children and I happily go to theirs and they bring theirs to mine. My friends without children mostly come to us or we meet up somewhere. I have taken children to their houses in occasion, but we don't get much chance to talk as the children have to be watched, which defeats the point id meeting up!

The previous posts suggest the OP should buy a play pen not that the kids parents bring it with them

What a sad view for humankind, to be so intolerant of others. Of course she can follow this mantra, but not trying to accommodate others - whether their life choices or viewpoints - leads to a very insular existence. .

It's not precious to want to keep your home nice, not in the slightest.

Friends with small children are welcome at my house, but it's their job to watch their own kid at all times, and to make sure there's no injury/swallowing of inappropriate items/damage happening. I have zero maternal instinct and I'm not the kind of person who jumps up with protective attention when they see a small child roaming. I just sit back and chill, and the parents can either chase the kid around... or not (and pay damages afterwards if anything gets broken). Some of them are happy to visit under these terms, others understood quickly it's better if I come to theirs.

The PP clearly said 'You could get a playpen to put the baby in with a few toys' suggesting the OP could pay for it. She was asked why the OP should have to pay and said the baby would brung toys with it and it would cost 'peanuts' for the playpen.

I read so many threads on here that make me so grateful I have decent normal friends.

I'm not sure why OP has posted. It's not to reflect on her opinion. The first year can be tough. I hope your parent friends have other, better people in their lives.

Aee your replies always passive aggressive?

Friendship dynamics change throughout the normal course of a lifetime. They shift when you have a baby and your friends don't. They shift when you marry but your friends are still single. Your goals, needs and social circle changes at each life event, including marriage, divorce or widowhood. Trying to maintain your former social life rarely works because you are in a very different place. In any event, nothing in life stays static.

No worries, I thought I was going mad!

😂

OP, you have just as much right to be on MN, in fact, you have more of a right to be here than @courtcox .

I think it would be nice to have your friends overs Invite them for lunch and see how they manage their baby. If they don’t stop her getting into things then you don’t have to invite them again.

Babies usually sleep a lot so shouldn't be a case of constant crawling around. Evening time so set up a cot for her to use. It will mean some time apart but got to work around it. Dynamics have changed, you can still have a nice evening together ❤️

Agreed

That ship has sailed. You've been continuously rude by not inviting them to yours. Not too late to retrieve the friendship, and, you know, speak to them. Or just write off the friendship because they have a baby and you're drifting away anyway

love this post

Don't forget all those small batteries down the sofa cushions!

Looking around my living room I'd have to move all the ornaments off the fireplace, turn off the wax burner and find somewhere else for the extension lead in the corner on the floor with lots of plugs that little fingers could grab. I don't have anywhere else to put them other than on the bed so I'd then have to move everything back and tidy up when they left. I would definitely find it a pain to rearrange my living room for a couple of hours!

Possibly - just possibly - because friendship,is about give and take. And it is usual to reciprocate invitations and not for one person to be in the perpetual,role of host