To be fed up with comments on DDs activity level

[Jensai]

So my DD is 8, she's in Y4. As far as kids go she has a never ending supply of energy. Right now we channel that into sports mostly. She does Tennis competitively and for fun does snowboarding once a week at the indoor ski centre (1hr15 min away so an absolute PITA, but she loves it) 2 hours recreational gymnastics on the weekend which she mainly does as she likes being with her friends and she's just been accepted onto the local harriers junior team.
Now I know it's a lot, tennis is about 5/6 hours a week, harriers is 2, snowboarding 1 and gymnastics is 2.
She is also aware that competing in tennis and harriers will be hard.
She just snowboards for fun, doesn't want to compete and I'm really keen to keep a love of sport just because and not to win anything so let it happen.

Now I'm constantly getting comments about when does she just be, when does she just play.
DD doesn't just play ever. Today she has tennis in the afternoon but nothing else. So far she's been out on the trampoline since 7.30 (we have no immediate neighbours for about 50m). DH is going to have to take her out to do something as we won't get to 2pm for tennis without her losing her mind.
She gets 1 hour of TV Friday-Sunday and never uses it. She reads before bed and her definition of playing is occasionally playing with her teddy bears but it never lasts long before she is back on the trampoline or her bike.
She is an only child so for us the constant activities feels like a must. I'm fed up of people saying she has to learn to be bored. She just jumps on the trampoline for hours or rides her bike up and down the path while listening to music. She's a good kid and not really one to misbehave but she is definitely easier after an activity.
School always comment on how much energy she has and don't seem concerned but every friends parent, my parents, my sister, the in-laws etc. seem to think she is more or less being abused.

AIBU to think they all need to shut up!!

I’ve had these sort of comments before and it is so irritating. I don’t say that their child never goes anywhere or does anything and how lazy so why they think it’s OK to comment on how much mine do I don’t know!

That's annoying. All kids are different in this regard and there's no point in comparing it. It sounds like this meets her needs and that's all you can try to do.

I think some children are genuinely put into too many extracurricular activities and look fed up and knackered. Even in those circumstances I think it’s rude to comment on it as an outsider so given your child is loving every minute of it YANBU

The only thing I would ask is: are there any sedentary activities she might enjoy as hobbies, in addition to physical activity? Just because there will be times she is ill and can't do physical activity, but still needs to be able to relax and occupy herself.
But yes, they should shut up as your child is active and happy.

As long as she has downtime to spend how she likes (which it sounds like she does) and she wants to do all these activities for herself, I don't see a problem. Sounds annoying for you though spending so much time ferrying her around to various activities!

She likes to read, she reads for about 30 minutes in the evening. When we do long trains/flights she's usually okay if you give her music, a colouring book, somethings to read and a couple of films.
Other than that she isn't good at sitting still but school don't seem to have this issue, apparently she focuses well and works hard while there and they never have an issue. I just assume she uses all her sitting nicely at school so at home she has to be busy busy.

I wouldn’t say anything, but inwardly I would agree with the commenters, not because of her ‘needing to be bored’ than because it sounds quite mad to me that she needs to be driven about to all these activities, some of them distant, or she ‘loses her mind’. I also have a very energetic only child, but his activities need to be closer by, and it certainly isn’t his parents job to entertain him.

May well be an element of sexism and gender stereotyping. No one seems surprised that (some) young boys need constant activity and exercise, but expectations that girls should be content sitting and doing art etc are strong.

Could there also be an element from close relatives that all her activities are getting in the way of them spending time with her?

Personally I think it’s an awful lot of time spent on things that will over stimulate her.
Let’s be honest here - she does these things because you've introduced her to them. In addition, the cost of those things is beyond the budget of most parents. If you assume a cost of £5 per session plus £25 for snowboarding per week, thats around £70 a week.
I would pack in the snowboarding or harriers and do some online kids yoga with her at home. Children DO need to learn how to be comfortable in their own skin doing nothing. It’s an important skill.

Luckily it's not too bad. The bad one is snowboarding but that's her and DHs passion project so he takes her every week and they have car karaoke together. He then sometimes takes her to the shopping centre near to it to eat or once a month get something new (toy, clothes etc.)
My love is tennis so we get to play together in the summer (though she's almost better than me now!)
Gymnastics is walking distance so she walks the 100 meters to her friends house then her friends parents walk them the rest of the way.

No child of either sex NEEDS this amount of activity.

Kids are so different. 2 out of my 3 would struggle to be still for very long unless ill. Even computer games are on the VR and very physical.

The oldest trains 6 days a week in a very physical sport, and goes to the gym a few days a week too. When she's home she does rest, and doom scroll, but she needs to. At your daughter's age, she was home educated and literally never stopped moving. She's never really 'played' with toys per se.

Youngest is similar, but does go to school and does activities outside of it. This time of year is harder for him because we would normally be swimming etc most days after school but can't so much now.

Middle child is much more chill, will happily find himself things to make or do having seen a YouTube video etc.

You can't win. At various points we have been criticised for too much/little activity...what the middle ground is depends on what the commenter's own child is like I find.

But if they enjoy it and the parents can afford it then it is causing no harm; the opposite in fact.

I'm fed up of people saying she has to learn to be bored.

I think people who are saying it to you don't quite understand the context of why it is good to be bored. The whole purpose of a child being bored is that they learn to find enjoyable activities to self-regulate without an adult supporting them. It seems as though your daughter is perfectly capable of occupying herself without your input. She is bored so she goes and jumps on a trampoline. Nothing wrong with that.

The snowboarding is DHs passion, she started skiing at 3 and snowboarding at 5/6. He would drive her 3 hours there and back if she wanted to do it, she loves it and he loves it so it's not a burden.
She can entertain herself but it's in the form of the trampoline or her bike, not playing with dolls or Lego etc.
DH is going to take her to the park near us with a public running track and let her do some sprints or whatever. Could she continue on the trampoline until tennis sure but can my head take another 3 hours of her screaming to Taylor swift while doing flips, absolutely not DH is more than welcome to take her to the park!!

Sounds great then!

Indeed. As they get older, you want your teens to be occupying themselves with wholesome activities. Especially girls, as they so often drop out of sports as they go through teenager-hood...so having a passion and being used to moving and using your body can only be good for health and self-esteem.

She sounds like a lovely healthy girl, and she’s only young. I do think this is a level of activity that’ll be hard to keep up when she’s older and has homework etc, and it’s not very varied. Worth thinking about mixing up all the sport with scouts or drama or music?

@Soontobe60
DD has said she will give up snowboarding in secondary school as it's a bit of a PITA (what should be a hour long activity takes a whole afternoon) but right now it's something she loves to do and DH loves doing with her.

Cost isn't an issue for us, we made a choice between state and private and landed on state with lots of activities. We are essentially have the budget a private school family would have but to be dedicated to activities. Obviously we know not every family can afford this, but we can so we do.

The comments may continue all her life - I am no where near that active ( and
Much older ) but I do get the snarky comments

Sounds like a great childhood and the Saturday away day with dad is fantastic!
I wouldn’t be listening to anyone .

I am middle aged and still can’t sit still unless on board an aircraft 🙈

She tried brownies and performing arts, hated both. We made her do the full term, came out on day one hating it and came out on day 10 still hating it. She used to do swimming as well, in the summer she's been to a kids football camp. My mum teaches her piano but we aren't focused on grades or anything she plays for fun when she wants to.

I do think sometimes people feel a bit threatened by children who do a lot, as if it’s a personal challenge to them / their parenting in some way.

True. Much like when we home educated, people assumed our choice meant we were inherently looking down on theirs. Which isn't the case, well, wasn't for us anyway.

The kids of ours which are active and busy, are so because it is their nature, and we facilitate it because why wouldn't we?

Two of my DC were always on the go, both sporty and fit as kids..pre/ early Internet ( dial up😂). They didn't have as many organised sports though, due to cost they had 1 each. My other DC went into music. They did their sports numerous times a week, though. Downtime was playing, reading and videos.

I was on the go as a child in the 70s, football in the park and out on my bike, playing involved playin 'soldiers, cowboys and Indians, Robin Hood etc No organised sports though. I read a lot as a child though, that was my relaxation.

I wonder if some are critical of children who do this OP, because they see their own kids glued to screens, and know it's not ideal. It's probably a 'guilt' reaction or jealousy.