To be fed up with comments on DDs activity level

[Jensai]

So my DD is 8, she's in Y4. As far as kids go she has a never ending supply of energy. Right now we channel that into sports mostly. She does Tennis competitively and for fun does snowboarding once a week at the indoor ski centre (1hr15 min away so an absolute PITA, but she loves it) 2 hours recreational gymnastics on the weekend which she mainly does as she likes being with her friends and she's just been accepted onto the local harriers junior team.
Now I know it's a lot, tennis is about 5/6 hours a week, harriers is 2, snowboarding 1 and gymnastics is 2.
She is also aware that competing in tennis and harriers will be hard.
She just snowboards for fun, doesn't want to compete and I'm really keen to keep a love of sport just because and not to win anything so let it happen.

Now I'm constantly getting comments about when does she just be, when does she just play.
DD doesn't just play ever. Today she has tennis in the afternoon but nothing else. So far she's been out on the trampoline since 7.30 (we have no immediate neighbours for about 50m). DH is going to have to take her out to do something as we won't get to 2pm for tennis without her losing her mind.
She gets 1 hour of TV Friday-Sunday and never uses it. She reads before bed and her definition of playing is occasionally playing with her teddy bears but it never lasts long before she is back on the trampoline or her bike.
She is an only child so for us the constant activities feels like a must. I'm fed up of people saying she has to learn to be bored. She just jumps on the trampoline for hours or rides her bike up and down the path while listening to music. She's a good kid and not really one to misbehave but she is definitely easier after an activity.
School always comment on how much energy she has and don't seem concerned but every friends parent, my parents, my sister, the in-laws etc. seem to think she is more or less being abused.

AIBU to think they all need to shut up!!

It sounds like tennis is her main 'hobby,' and most of the others are just socialising that happens to be based around sport.

Snowboarding sounds like basically a dad/daughter spending time together. Yes it involves an hour of snowboarding, but would the same people be complaining if they did something different each weekend? e.g. if you said 'On Sat DH takes DD to the cinema for a few hours.'

As a pp said, there does sound like there's some sexism as well. If it was a 'DH takes his DS for a kickaround in the park and then for lunch every Sat' I bet you'd get nothing other than 'aw how lovely for them to spend that time together,' even if the DS also did 6hrs of footie clubs in the week.

Same with gymnastics - she's mainly doing it to see her friends. It's probably not more energetic than if they just met up in the local park and ran around or cycled around on their bikes as would have been more normal 20 years ago - it just happens to be a structured activity which most of them will naturally drop out of over the next few years.

All kids are different - as long as she's happy. Presumably you wouldn't dream of commenting out loud 'what your kid NEVER does any exercise and sits watching TV for hours a day? He must be so bored, unhealthy and unstimulated,' but the reverse is okay to say to you?

Being honest most parents don't let their kids 'learn to entertain themselves when they're bored.' If they have siblings they might leave them to 'entertain' each other (which isn't an option for you), but even then in my experience it involves playing mediator every five minutes, and only works if they are fairly close together in age and interests. Lots of siblings have nothing in common. I bet lots of the parents saying this to you just switch the TV on and let that do the entertaining.

I imagine by the time she's in secondary, the tennis and maybe harriers will stay as her main hobbies, she won't bother with gymnastics and will just hang out with her friends independently instead, and she'll get to a level where she might no longer need/want snowboarding lessons every week but it could still be more of a fun thing she and DH do on holiday/once per half term or whatever.

Until then, unless she shows any signs of being too exhausted, let her be. It would be ridiculous to stop her doing things she enjoys so she can sit around bored just to make a point.

You are happy , your child is happy , what other people think is unimportant .

Not everyone can be a homebody. I've known friends kids who literally pester their parents for constant attention when at home and lots of hobbies makes this easier to manage.

I imagine it's most tricky in families where there is a mismatch between the parents and kids.

If you’re happy to take her, and she’s happy to do all these activities, then I don’t see an issue.

DD2 is a similar age and currently does 5-6 hours of sports each week. She would do more if we let her, and if she’s got any free time at home she will usually play football in the garden or do gymnastics on the sofa. She’s also never been one to enjoy playing by herself or with toys or do crafts etc. Her only other interests are watching TV or playing computer games, so I’d rather she was doing something active!

I always wonder how children get the opportunity to play ie tennis competitively at 8?! The only sport I’ve ever seen to have opportunities competitively at that age is football. My children are in swim club and they don’t even take children until 8, no competitions until 10. Yet so many parents on MN seem to have children in competitive sports. How? How does it happen? Fascinated and never had anyone to ask 😂

my children (2) do a lot but tbh even reading this I’m wondering how you do it. We both work FT and run around like mad things trying to get the children everywhere they need to be as well as practise and homework etc. I couldn’t cope with so much activity. It would be ok if I didn’t work though

She sounds great, you sound great, the best thing you can teach her is ‘you do you’. The things your family get up to would sound horrendous to my family. The things we get up to would sound horrendous to yours! I think you’re doing a great job helping her learn what makes her happy and following it through. Not any of anyone else’s business.

I love that your DD is so sporty! More power to her, in a world where men’s sports dominate and young girls/teens often don’t have the opportunities for sport. Go for it! I wonder if the comments are from a little envy? If so then bugger them and encourage her to go for GOLD!

She’s probably really fit and healthy from all the sport.

This reminds me of a thread (a while ago) about a poster’s boyfriend’s daughter, who played tennis, spoke French and did lots of other things. Some children require a lot of activity.

www.lta.org.uk/compete/junior/lta-youth-compete/

Have a look here

I completely agree. Very sad.

I do think, if she were a boy playing football a few times a week, then having a kick around with his brother/friend in his spare time people wouldn't comment. Because they're more solo activities and she's a girl you are getting comments.

It doesn’t let up even as they get older, ds15 plays rugby to a high level (county and country) and he trains 6 days per week, his days start at 5am and finishes around 9/10pm depending on what he’s doing.

As long as the child is willing, happy and healthy then I’d personally just ignore.

When I was 8 (in the 60s!) a lot of time was spent out & about.

You called for friend(s) & spent the day on bikes/scooters/in each others gardens & just went home for meals!

After school you would be straight to someone's house to play for a while, go home for food & then perhaps back out again in the better weather.

I think we were relatively active but it wasn't noticeable as we all did it & it didn't involve paid for activities that involved parents.

It was the same for my kids al.so

I get these comments too my child does a martial art, football, tennis, drama in addition to swimming lessons and cubs and just finished a mini block of ski lessons. He knows he's free to drop any activity but doesn't want to and likes being busy and active. He also likes to read as downtime I just ignore people saying its too much its his choice and I can afford it so no one's business xx

Sounds great to me! The only thing I would suggest is perhaps once the snowboarding has stopped, replacing it with a team sport she can do seeing as everything else is competing as an individual.

She is happy, you are happy, you have the time and money… crack on and ignore the comments. IMO the best parents parent the individual child(ren) that they have.

I was that child.
My children are all that child.

YANBU

Some people have greater sensory needs for stimulation and feedback (trampoline, adrenaline, activity). It feeds her rather than drains her, that's what others can't understand.
I like your approach, give her avenues for competition and excellence, and avenues that are just for fun. Pps are right though, adults and kids like this can be fine at this pace for years, but if they get injured or are ill then it's a big and difficult adjustment. And burnout can be an issue. My dd is wired this way, and I noticed as a young adult she got a bit burnt out when doing first job after uni - I think it's because she doesn't really tune in to when her body needs her to slow down.

It’s a lot. I don’t know how you find the time and money to keep all of this up

You could be describing my daughter when she was young! She's still the same now and channelling energy into organised sports kept her out of trouble as a teenager. She was diagnosed with adhd at 13, which didn't come as a surprise. The issues with school were only noticed when she went into senior school because the expectations were so much higher. Ignore others who tell you she's so busy. We parent the children we have and you will know best.

Is it a neighbour's way of complaining about the noise from the trampoline? Some people find children playing outside annoying. I personally love hearing next door's child playing with her friends but perhaps the bounce, bounce, bounce could be annoying.

We have no neighbours for 50m as we are on a country lane. I guarantee no one can hear her (well we can).
It's more my family and DHs family.

Also surely if it was this then the more activities outside the house the better!

She sounds like she has a very fun & happy life OP!

And only children do need more activities with other kids I think. There's only so much fun you can have alone. My kids like to have a lot of free play time, but they spend much of that playing together. If one is out, the other one is coming to me much more regularly saying they are bored etc.

It's jealousy and not understanding an athlete's dedication