To be fed up with comments on DDs activity level

[Jensai]

So my DD is 8, she's in Y4. As far as kids go she has a never ending supply of energy. Right now we channel that into sports mostly. She does Tennis competitively and for fun does snowboarding once a week at the indoor ski centre (1hr15 min away so an absolute PITA, but she loves it) 2 hours recreational gymnastics on the weekend which she mainly does as she likes being with her friends and she's just been accepted onto the local harriers junior team.
Now I know it's a lot, tennis is about 5/6 hours a week, harriers is 2, snowboarding 1 and gymnastics is 2.
She is also aware that competing in tennis and harriers will be hard.
She just snowboards for fun, doesn't want to compete and I'm really keen to keep a love of sport just because and not to win anything so let it happen.

Now I'm constantly getting comments about when does she just be, when does she just play.
DD doesn't just play ever. Today she has tennis in the afternoon but nothing else. So far she's been out on the trampoline since 7.30 (we have no immediate neighbours for about 50m). DH is going to have to take her out to do something as we won't get to 2pm for tennis without her losing her mind.
She gets 1 hour of TV Friday-Sunday and never uses it. She reads before bed and her definition of playing is occasionally playing with her teddy bears but it never lasts long before she is back on the trampoline or her bike.
She is an only child so for us the constant activities feels like a must. I'm fed up of people saying she has to learn to be bored. She just jumps on the trampoline for hours or rides her bike up and down the path while listening to music. She's a good kid and not really one to misbehave but she is definitely easier after an activity.
School always comment on how much energy she has and don't seem concerned but every friends parent, my parents, my sister, the in-laws etc. seem to think she is more or less being abused.

AIBU to think they all need to shut up!!

She jumps on the trampoline for hours and rides her bike up and down.

That is self entertaining.

Why does she need to be bored?

I'm guessing if she didn't find activities to do she would be bored - but she's sensible and grown up and independent enough to entertain herself.

I'd say people are jealous you don't have a kid who's addicted to screens whilst complaining they're bored all the time.

Take it as a compliment!

This is exactly what is going on here.

OP, you either ignore the comments, or you take the‘time to teach a lesson’ route. I favour the latter. Next time you need to be ready with a comment about their DC and what they do/don’t do. If they get huffy, you have to reply that you’re not sure what you’ve done to upset them because they comment critically on your DC all the time. All said with a smile.

I have found this the most effective way to silence unpleasant comments. In my case it was about eating/fussiness: plenty of comments on what my DC won’t eat - which ended remarkably quickly when I asked why theirs didn’t eat X.

My ds is an only and I use to get the same when he was younger.

He never tantrummed, was (still is!) easy going, can immerse himself in his chosen hobbies for hours.

He's now 20 and he spends his entire life swimming, working, playing games with his mates, creating apps for fun and building a model railway!

His swim training is 21 hours a week not including the commute.

He's also disabled (physically and autism) and I think let of that means he has built resilience.

I'm the oldest of 3. I'm very much happy in my own company but my sister isn't and my brother always needs to be "doing".

So I think

Urgh, I feel like my comment was massively misinterpreted. I'm well aware she doesn't have ADHD because she is sporty. But equally, it isn't necessarily an obvious indicator for ADHD, the child doesn't sound massively out of the ordinary to me. I have ADHD, I was making no judgement on it, or implying it would be sad if she had it. I thought it was sad that a child being active, as most should be, was being seen as a sign of neurodiversity.

The only 'expensive' activity the child does is snowboarding with dad, the rest is perfectly ordinary.

She sounds great OP. I think other people are just talking nonsense. Children being bored is the worst thing IMO, that's when mischief is most likely to start!

She is also perfectly happy entertaining herself on her bike or trampoline. They probably just don't like that she's making them and their kids look lazy and boring!

I'm certainly envious of her activity levels compared to my dc's, getting them to do any exercise is like pulling teeth!

This sounds so lovely. She gets to share something special with her dad, it’s not just about the physical activity but also time together and occasional special treats. Even if it’s a pain that it takes up a big chunk of the weekend it’s wonderful that they get that regular one on one time. And you share the tennis with her too. I think having things that you do together that both of you genuinely enjoy is such a blessing and can only be good for your relationships with her.

Agree that external opinions are not helpful when there are no other reasons for concern (eg signs she’s regularly overtired or unable to finish schoolwork or socialise normally). As she gets older you might have to help her through prioritisation decisions, but it sounds like she already understands she can’t do everything competitively.

I was reading this and thinking this child sounds very similar to mine at the same age. She also could sit still very well at school, but as OP says she NEEDED to get out and would genuinely be bouncing off the walls if her first activity was in the afternoon.

In year 6, when school ramped up in general towards seniors, school then started to notice issues with focus and concentration. At the same time, she withdrew from almost all of the activities she loved because she was so exhausted from trying to keep up with school in terms of the focus and seriousness that was now expected.

At that point we sought advice and sure enough, she has ADHD.

There is a huge difference between a very driven child (my daughter has some friends like this, they are scheduled or now schedule themselves to the absolute max) and a child who actually NEEDS to be constantly stimulated.

OP, there’s nothing wrong at all with what you’re doing and it’s nobody’s business if your child is happy. But it is not normal/typical to absolutely genuinely not be able to have a day of doing nothing without bouncing off the walls. Whether you were being flippant and she actually just wants to go out, or whether you were being literal and she does NEED to get out are two very different things in my experience.

If the child is happy and you are happy then it's fine.

One of my children is mad into activities, plays sport nearly every day of the week and does art and a coding class as well. I'm always checking in with him to see if he is tired. He's just very social, very active and like that never plays with toys quietly.

I think you know your child best and if you know she is happy that's the main thing. My child does one of her activities 3x a week and I know some people think it's too much, but it's what makes her happy so I don't care what they think. Plus, I'd think riding a bike or jumping on the trampoline count as playing and it sounds like she does have free time.

One of my daughters never sat still, she was continuously on the go doing one sport or another, even not in early 20’s she’s still the same!

I have one of these too. 10, on the pathway for an ADHD diagnosis. Swimming, Dance (2 types), performing arts, art club, and after-school tag rugby club twice a week. I feel like a taxi more than a mum. The hardest bit for us is getting homework done while also learning dances, songs, and lines for shows. She's not academic...so she does what she wants to do first (the performing arts stuff), and then school homework is squeezed in at the end, and done badly. Check out ADHD. (I don't know enough to speculate wrt your child, I'm just putting an idea out there) There are 3 types, "hyperactive" is one of them. (inattentive and combination are the other types).

My 8 year old wouldn't cope with that much activity, but I'm not judging you at all as it sounds like your child is thriving and loving it. Maybe others are judging you based on what thier own children could cope with though.

I was an active child and my son was an active child - now a very active adult.

I am sure she will have a healthy active life.

The one thing that screams to me though is that she is still growing and you need to be really thoughtful around how much time she is spending on different activities. This could affect her body for life. There’s a lot of twisting, turning, high impact, knee pressure, pointed toes etc across those sports. I was very careful about this with my son.

I did athletics and cross country along with ballet, gymnastics and other dance. This has led to permanent deformity of my kneecaps due to having high ballet foot arches taking on all the pressure of impact and running while I was still growing. It means I’ve had frequent knee and hip problems and have had to give up a lot of activities (some before I was 30), that I’d have like to do recreationally throughout my adulthood.

That said, the statistics around girls exercise in late teens and after are just terrible - and consequently health outcomes. Hopefully your daughter has found the joy in exercise that will see her in good stead for later years.

She is playing! She's not sitting there doing maths practice or 11+ at 7am (genuinely know kids who've done that).

I was once out for dinner in a shopping mall and we let DC run laps around one of those bits where the escalators are whilst we ate. Some kids just have a mass of energy.

Let her decide what she wants to do. I used to love to get home from school and then just roller skate or skip for hours until dinner. It was considered normal and healthy. I also played netball, and later, hockey after school as well. Or swim every day in the summer because there was a pool where my Mum worked.

I teach a similar age group and all I can add is that virtually every child with any sort of extra-curricular activity after school spends a lot of time complaining about having to do it. They are thrilled when things are cancelled due to bad weather. I had a student teacher who did an anonymous survey about why they did sports and other activities - the vast majority said it was because their parents wanted them to. Then they bounced out of the door at 3:45 telling their parents they couldn't wait to go swimming or whatever. I know that isn't the case for every child, but I bet a lot of them would rather play a board game or watch a movie.

We get this all the time, but we have two boys who are massively into their sports and are doing well in all of them. The eldest has found his sports (2 but sort of related and both are multi-sports) and spends 10 hours a week training in the pool, plus competitions or galas maybe once a month at the weekend. He also then does rugby, football, and cricket with school teams for fun and trains for another 2-3 hours each week distance running and cycling. He is 13.

The other boy hasn’t perhaps found his sport(s) quite so much, or maybe he just loves all of them - each week he does swim club x 2, surf club x 1, rugby x3, football x1, track x 1 or 2, athletics x 1, and then cross country race / track races / surf comp, plus a rugby match at the weekend. He is 10.

when they are at home, they play outside together, playing football or making dens, jumping on the trampoline etc. Neither of them is interested in tv or gaming. Both like to read or play with Lego but would prefer to be outside.

despite doing all their sports they do actually each have 1 evening during the school week free each week, and plenty of time off at the weekends. They go to a selective school and have no trouble keeping up with homework, and having free time. But, for example when they are at a triathlon or cross country race, they will always take a ball and end up playing football with their friends or chucking a rugby ball around while waiting for medal presentations - that is still downtime, they just choose to use their free time differently than a lot of todays kids who sit on their bums gaming.

my brother and I did similar levels of sports at the same ages and no-one ever said anything to my parents as it was much more normal back then.

She has a lot of energy and you sound amazing parents helping stimulate this and offering opportunities. One day she may get bored / energy levels dip, but she has learnt a wealth of experience and can lean on that in the future.
Parents will comment, some are so nosey (and don’t like the same back and will have a comment / argument ready). Just ignore, you know your child and sound like a level headed person.

A relative of mine had a DD similar and worked up to be an athlete from years of what you do. She changed as she got older but still uses these skills. Parents like you show amazing dedication.
If a child had low energy levels and were most happy reading books, I wonder how many other parents would repeatedly suggest to do more strenuous activities to help them?

Sounds very much like my DD8, she does three dance classes a week, swimming, piano and she has her own pony so have to fit in exercising her and riding lessons every week around her activities. She is also currently having snowboard lessons prior to our winter holiday this year. She has an older brother who does some activities but not as many as her. She gets bored easily. She will play with her brother but not for long periods of time. Anything my DS tries and new activity she also wants to try it although she really doesn't have the capacity to take on anything new. Apart from the swimming she would give up if she could but is compulsory until she reaches a certain level. It is all things she has requested to do and I regularly remind her she can drop things (especially piano when she is struggling to fit in practice) but she is adamant she wants to do it all so why would I stop her?

My children were like this OP; think horses/gymnastics/swimming and snowboarding.
They are all now late 20s and fully functioning healthy adults.
Just you do you.

My DD was similar at that age. She spent hours on the trampoline, roller blading or doing gymnastics in the house when she wasn't at organised activities. At 14 she discovered rowing and 4 years later still loves it, trains up to 8 times a week and she's a national champion!

Let’s be honest here - she does these things because you've introduced her to them.

Why are you saying that like it's a bad thing?!

She does these things because the OP introduced her to them! Yay for the OP! Her daughter is excelling at sports, some competitively and some for fun. There is a window of opportunity for getting into most sports, and it closes early, and most children never really have any opportunity because their parents don't introduce them to a range of sports at the right age.

I don't think you can argue that sporty play is to other kinds of play. IMO creative and imaginative play are equally important in child development.

Superior to

YANBU both my DD’s are also really active and busy DS1 plays football for two different teams plus the school team and is playing or training 5/7 days a week two of those days have double sessions. In addition to this she also does tap, modern, ballet and contemporary dancing which is another 7 hours a week. When she has time she also go horse riding. She used to do more but had to start choosing because of clashes. DD2 also plays football for two teams and trains or plays 4/7 days in addition to diving, horse riding, beavers, gymnastics and swimming. I think it’s good to be active and have so many interests. Our biggest issue is it costs us a fortune and we struggle to fit dinner in some days.

I don't see it as a bad thing anyway. In a society where people are becoming more sedentary surely being active and competitive is a positive. As long as it is good for your family and your child is happy I wouldn't take any notice of what people say. Just smile and continue on with your life. Or better still give these people judgy comments about how they are raising their children.
We are also a sporty family with activities every day and competative hobbies.