To be fed up with comments on DDs activity level

[Jensai]

So my DD is 8, she's in Y4. As far as kids go she has a never ending supply of energy. Right now we channel that into sports mostly. She does Tennis competitively and for fun does snowboarding once a week at the indoor ski centre (1hr15 min away so an absolute PITA, but she loves it) 2 hours recreational gymnastics on the weekend which she mainly does as she likes being with her friends and she's just been accepted onto the local harriers junior team.
Now I know it's a lot, tennis is about 5/6 hours a week, harriers is 2, snowboarding 1 and gymnastics is 2.
She is also aware that competing in tennis and harriers will be hard.
She just snowboards for fun, doesn't want to compete and I'm really keen to keep a love of sport just because and not to win anything so let it happen.

Now I'm constantly getting comments about when does she just be, when does she just play.
DD doesn't just play ever. Today she has tennis in the afternoon but nothing else. So far she's been out on the trampoline since 7.30 (we have no immediate neighbours for about 50m). DH is going to have to take her out to do something as we won't get to 2pm for tennis without her losing her mind.
She gets 1 hour of TV Friday-Sunday and never uses it. She reads before bed and her definition of playing is occasionally playing with her teddy bears but it never lasts long before she is back on the trampoline or her bike.
She is an only child so for us the constant activities feels like a must. I'm fed up of people saying she has to learn to be bored. She just jumps on the trampoline for hours or rides her bike up and down the path while listening to music. She's a good kid and not really one to misbehave but she is definitely easier after an activity.
School always comment on how much energy she has and don't seem concerned but every friends parent, my parents, my sister, the in-laws etc. seem to think she is more or less being abused.

AIBU to think they all need to shut up!!

As a mother of ADHD kids (now grown up), her inability/dislike of sitting still would give me pause for thought.

I would never say anything but I do agree with the commentators. That would be from a purely selfish point of view as I have no idea how I would fit all these activities and working full time and getting time for me to do anything.

Sometimes it is good for kids to just be, to potter and entertain themselves, I know you said she'll play on the trampoline and read but how often does she get to do that? It sounds exhausting.

I've never really got this. DD started just doing one or 2 things (skiing and swimming) then I took her to the tennis courts one day and she got into that, then all her school friends were doing gymnastics and she wanted to try that, then we took her to France and she tried snowboarding, hasn't looked at skiing since. Then this year it was watching the olympics and being fascinated with the athletics (and the tennis and surfing). Every activity DD does has been driven by her. Much like when she really wanted to go to brownies as all the girls in her class did and realised by the end of term she didn't like it.
If DD only wanted to do one thing we'd be fine with that too!

I would tell them all to bugger off. My DS loves pretty much every sport. He does loads because that is how he likes to spend his free time, and we're in a position to fund and support that with driving etc. One he's quite serious about, the rest are fun hobbies. He does most of the research into anything related himself because that's what he's interested in. I find some people inexplicably feel threatened and insecure about this, when it's really no concern of theirs.

I'd say she does it quite a lot. Friday is activity free Saturday is free until tennis. On the other nights there is time before or after every activity.
We are very lucky that I work part time and my parents have her the other 3 days so we don't feel squeezed for time or like one person does all the running around.

My DD like this (4DC) diagnosed with ADHD at 15

"When does she just play?"

She is playing. She's doing fun activities she loves, and there's no better play than that. What do they want her to do - sit and stare at a screen all day playing computer games like other kids?

This was me as a kid to a tee.

I loved extracurricular clubs: athletics, tennis, swimming, brownies, drama.. I even used to go to Sunday school out of choice if I had nothing ‘on‘ a Sunday morning.

My trampoline strings snapped I was on it so much (I was disgusted that my parents got rid of it when I left for uni). I was always out on my bike, roller blading or playing tennis against the wall. Mum’s poor garden really took a battering.

It’s funny because 99% of the time people are complaining that kids are reliant on screens.

I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. The assessor said that I was the last of the children that was allowed to be outside and my parents had done the right thing by channeling my energy positively.

I also wonder if it’s an only child thing? I used to play monopoly by myself but it wasn’t much fun.

The only thing I would recommend is to get her involved in Girlguiding - she’ll learn lots of new skills, keep her busy (loved going camping in the summer holidays) and it’s relatively cheap. I used to hate how other activities would stop during the holidays.

This might be outing but my husband bought me a trampoline for Xmas one year. He asked me what big gift I’d like and it was the first thing that came to mind. People will always ask me how I stay so slim… it’s being energetic.

It makes me happy that kids are still this way. The dreaded screens haven’t stole them all….

It’s actually a bit depressing to see a sporty, active girl diagnosed with ADHD.

DS is 5 and also has a lot of activities and we get the same.

He's also an only child, and strongly dislikes just being at home playing - he'll beg to go out/see friends every moment of every day so I have no qualms. Often it's just a sporty club instead of after school club (which we'd need for my work) anyway.

I think parents often feel personally attacked by other parents who make different decisions to them. Lots of parents can't afford loads of clubs, or don't have time to ferry them around - totally understandable. But then want to rage against those who can - presumably because they're feeling insecure about their own circumstances.

Yeah we used to get this about my kids football and now he plays at the highest level. He loves it and it makes him happy. Better that then screens, tv, phones etc. And he does well in school so no conflict.

There were times it was too much (mainly as “working” full time taking him to,footie and waiting as we were too far to get home and back) but that was for me not for him. Funnily enough they monitor players VERY closely with analytics from games and that vest thing so he is “safer” than he ever has been. I wouldn’t change it for anything.

Good for your daughter. I wish you all the best of luck.

@Bloodybrambles very similar here.

As an adult, I like to be busy too, I don't do "pottering" or "chilling" now either and I don't think it does me any harm. I hold down a busy senior role, have two young children, do a couple of charity trustee roles, PTA, and other activities too.

One of mine is like me, very active, lots of hobbies and sports and the other is more of a potterer

All those activities she does are playing. People have a very narrow view of what playing is, they seem to think it's sitting with a doll or a train or playing tag.

Who is constantly commenting? I mean who knows all these details about her life?
If I take my son to football training, a few people might know what else he does, but generally I don't discuss the weekly timetable of my kids. It would only come up if I actually asked someone "do you think this is too much?" or I complained that I felt I was doing too much driving or something.

If everyone's happy then that's all that matters.

She sounds amazing and very interested in a lot of things.
do you think, btw, she’s get these comments if she were a boy?

’play’ is lots of different things to different people - this IS her play

I have a child like this, no siblings, always wants to be on the go, doing physical stuff. They were diagnosed with ADHD age 8/9. Mine struggles to concentrate at school and finds academic learning very difficult, so a very different presentation to yours. Sometimes people do comment, in a slightly judgmental way. I have learnt to ignore it, we can only parent the child we have!

Also, I love to see how fit and strong they are becoming as they move into adolescence. There is a noticeable difference with some of their more sedentary peers. It is one of the few benefits of the ADHD, that there is never lack of energy to do anything - apart from homework!

I think she sounds wonderfully determined and don't think you should take people's comments personally!

The only thing I would say is please be cautious when letting your DD listen to music while on her bike. I know you said she rides up and down a path so not a road, but she might end up hurting herself or someone else if she isn't properly aware of her surroundings! X

My kids were the same, multiple activities. One went on to be a world class athlete.

Kids will soon let you know when they want to stop something. One of my young teenagers one stopped doing as many activities and one did more!

To be honest I almost wanted them to stop as I spent most of my life driving them everywhere and waiting bored in a car. One sport was a 4 hour round trip twice a week!

You know your kids best! Fuck what anyone else has to say!

People even think a me, a woman nearly 60, does too many activities! Gym every day and a couple of sports I play.

But fuck I would never be rude and say ""Well I think you watch too much Netflix"

Everybody relaxes differently. The idea of coming home from work and flopping in front of a screen sounds the most boring evening ever. For me! But obviously for millions of others that's their idea of heaven.

Who cares what judgy people think!💭

Sounds great, OP. Good for her. Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks. Jealousy manifests in a lot of ways, dressed up as concern.

I get it. I've got an 8 year old who's similar- she trains swimming 3 hours a week, trampolining 1 hour a week, football training 1 hour a week and is currently begging me to sign her up for climbing lessons. In school she does Spanish lessons and band, and she also goes to brownies.

She is an incredibly bright child but she has AuDHD, so school is exhausting and batters her self esteem. It's her sports where she thrives. I am always telling her that it's up to her what she does and I fully support her stopping activities when she feels done with them, but I do feel judged sometime.

I have a younger child who has tried a few sports and nothing really stuck long term (except swimming, which is non optional), but he's found his thing with a musical theatre club, mostly he's happy at home. Very much a case of different children, different needs.

Just read your updates that your DD tried brownies and she didn’t enjoy it. It’s good for her to try these things and decide what she likes/doesn’t like. I don’t want to come across too overbearing but there’s a huge different between different units - they’re ran by volunteers and they really do differ.

I think 50% of these comments are coming from a place of bitterness - a lot of parents don’t want to be ferrying around their kids every night/entertaining them. Much easier to pass them a remote.

It’s funny, when I was a kid I was a ‘Tom boy’ because I didn’t like barbies. I used to have long hair, love playing with real babies but because I loved being outside/playing football/not afraid of dirt I took on the title of ‘Tom Boy’. If your daughter was a boy I doubt you’d get half the comments.

My grandparents would always be lecturing my parents that it wasn’t good for me to always be busy. That kids needed downtime. Back in their day kids didn’t do all those clubs… failed to remember that kids were outside playing together from morning til dusk.

But, you don’t need to entertain her 24/7. It’s good for her to use her imagination to keep herself busy. If I complained to by parents that I was bored I’d be told to peel potatoes/tidy my room/do the washing up/mow the lawn (that one I did quite enjoy!)

No, you’re not being unreasonable. At all.
Your DD is just who she is, I wish I had half her energy!
My DS was (and still is) the opposite. Which was fantastic when he was a baby and a toddler, he was so super chilled that he slept all through the night and we never had the toddler tantrums stage.
But when he was in high school I had to regularly boot him up the backside to get going 🤣

Enjoy the fact that your DD is full of energy and motivation, it’ll serve her well when she’s olde

When I was a child I played hockey, swam competitively, went horse riding, I ran at a local athletics club and I did extra drama classes. When I was in secondary school I had something on every week night and also did a lot of sporty clubs (hockey and swimming) at school lunch time. I loved being so active, I had a very happy childhood and didn't feel deprived of down time. As an adult although I'm less active because I have less time, I still have a high level of base fitness. I feel like all the activities I did as a child set me up for a very healthy life.

It sounds like your daughter is happy with her lifestyle and you're happy too, so ignore criticism from others. I think it's so much better than kids spending hours in front of the TV.

Sounds like a great childhood for your DD, OP. If she's enjoying it, just get on with it. My DCs did tons of activity (not all organised) as did I (and the rest of my extended family). Some of my friends DCs do no activities at all.

We’re a sporty family who are never in the house and my dc have always done a lot of activities. Eldest is super fit, athletics, football, lifeguards etc and the youngest is all about performing arts and cadet - type things. My best friend is a homebody and her dc are the same, they spend a lot of time gardening and crafting etc which we hardly ever do. She would be very stressed to have to get up early and be somewhere far away in correct kit etc by 9am on a Sunday and they prefer a slower pace of life. I’m sure sometimes they get a bit bored and we get a bit knackered. Neither of us is wrong, just v different families.