To be fed up with comments on DDs activity level

[Jensai]

So my DD is 8, she's in Y4. As far as kids go she has a never ending supply of energy. Right now we channel that into sports mostly. She does Tennis competitively and for fun does snowboarding once a week at the indoor ski centre (1hr15 min away so an absolute PITA, but she loves it) 2 hours recreational gymnastics on the weekend which she mainly does as she likes being with her friends and she's just been accepted onto the local harriers junior team.
Now I know it's a lot, tennis is about 5/6 hours a week, harriers is 2, snowboarding 1 and gymnastics is 2.
She is also aware that competing in tennis and harriers will be hard.
She just snowboards for fun, doesn't want to compete and I'm really keen to keep a love of sport just because and not to win anything so let it happen.

Now I'm constantly getting comments about when does she just be, when does she just play.
DD doesn't just play ever. Today she has tennis in the afternoon but nothing else. So far she's been out on the trampoline since 7.30 (we have no immediate neighbours for about 50m). DH is going to have to take her out to do something as we won't get to 2pm for tennis without her losing her mind.
She gets 1 hour of TV Friday-Sunday and never uses it. She reads before bed and her definition of playing is occasionally playing with her teddy bears but it never lasts long before she is back on the trampoline or her bike.
She is an only child so for us the constant activities feels like a must. I'm fed up of people saying she has to learn to be bored. She just jumps on the trampoline for hours or rides her bike up and down the path while listening to music. She's a good kid and not really one to misbehave but she is definitely easier after an activity.
School always comment on how much energy she has and don't seem concerned but every friends parent, my parents, my sister, the in-laws etc. seem to think she is more or less being abused.

AIBU to think they all need to shut up!!

When ds was young he did Beavers, Karate, swimming lessons and gymnastics. Later on judo, code club, went to various sports camps in the hols (sailing, basketball) and guitar lessons. Now a very talented guitarist and musician.

YANBU, she sounds like a happy child who has her needs met and a lovely family to appreciate her for who she is!

I did activities constantly as a child. I do not have ADHD (as far as I know!). I just enjoyed the activities, pursued some of them seriously, and my parents had the time and money to support them.

I think the comments are mostly coming from a place of defensiveness from people who have made different choices as parents and want to believe those choices were right.

You know your child. She clearly likes energetic play but has plenty of time for unstructured things like bikes and trampoline. She's presumably choosing tennis, gymnastics and snowboarding? You're not pressing her to be the best or become any of these things professionally.
Maybe those who are making these comments have children that wouldn't want do do so much physical stuff. Many kids probably go out of their way not to do structured sport and prefer computer games, board games, playing with dolls, making music etc. there's no right or wrong.
As long as she's happy and you're not forcing her activities on her then it sounds like she's very energetic and healthy.

A friend's son is similarly busy, his school is also very sport heavy and he's a happy healthy kid who now he's a teenager has started doing more grown up sporting type stuff. If she's happy and you're happy then it's no one's business. I'd love my DS to be naturally sporty, sadly he isn't but will do a minimum amount under sufferance which we insist on for health and just some fresh air. She sounds great.

She sounds like she’s loving life and enjoys being busy. We have an only child too and you do need to do more with them to keep them entertained. Just a heads up, if it’s Chill Factor, get her to apply for a Blue Peter badge and she’ll snowboard for free with your DH, if you pay at the desk and show her badge/ card!! We’ve saved hundreds this way!

Did you say how she is at school.?
As that does sound pretty hyper. And hours of trampoline not great for joints?
If she has friends over do they play? Does she play or talk to friends at school or just play chase.
The fact she didnt like guides (though i get it) does highlight an issue to me that she cant/wont just sit calmly for socialising. Scouts might be better? My dd found brownies difficult and has been awaiting asd/adhd diagnosis.
Re all the spoorts individual rather than team, how is she with football/netball etc.

I dont actually think.hyper.girls are necessarily fidgeting or running about etc. Adhd in girls seems more sleep issues, impulsivity, talking too much, possibly behaviour issues. Issues with sitting still mine gets bored and starts arguments.

How woukd she be in long queues?.like for theme parks? Or a museum/plane etc

I would count the free time on the trampoline and her bike as play. Also any less structured time at the clubs if for example they ever make up their routines, have free play on the gym equipment etc.

I don’t think you’d be having as many of these comments if she were a boy. It’s like people think girls should all be sitting playing with dolls or making tea parties.

I wildly disagree with this, diagnosis has been really positive for my sporty, active child.

Without her diagnosis she wouldn't be able to access things like movement breaks in school as readily as she does. Now her teachers know to give her a couple of laps of the playground if she is struggling to concentrate. It allows them to meet her needs.

We know to lean into individual sports rather than team sports because she finds some aspects of that tricky and so it doesn't give her the dopamine she needs. This feeling of difficulty and inability to achieve in team sports directly feeds into her self esteem. By understanding herself in terms of having a different ability to other kids she can focus on her strengths rather than berate herself for her weaknesses.

She gets promoted at school for sports- she's always chosen for the local SEND pentathlon, boccia tournaments, teams and clubs as the school know it boosts her engagement with school.

It gives school staff an understanding of her likes and dislikes, they know to relate things to her sport and use it as a communication tool. Without her diagnosis a lot more emphasis would be placed on "conforming", but we're finding that with diagnosis comes differentiation. They use things like balls as maths aids, use swimming lengths to teach times tables.

Diagnosis doesn't limit her at all. It becomes a key that has opened so many doors to her potential, and is SO different from how I felt as a sporty, undiagnosed child.

It’s absolutely no one’s business. Just ignore.

Do you live in an area where children can just ‘play out’ together. That’s great for kids as well as planned activities.

It’s their own feelings of inadequacy.
It’s not really about you. Try not to worry about it.

None of DDs friends are allowed to do this and I probably wouldn't want her to either.
It's a smallish town but it just doesn't seem safe.

I think this is true. This post made me anxious because I have an elder DD who is not at all sporty and at 7 still can't ride a bike so this makes me anxious. But it shouldn't. That's my problem. Ignore them OP. I do think only children (I'm one!) do need more structured activity as there's less natural play at home. I'm amazed how much my 2 do just play creatively together. Being an OC I wasn't expecting it.

For the Chill Factore in Manchester??

How did we not know about this!!

I get that. But equally, I think it is sad that some people would assume she has ADHD, instead of just a busy, sporty kid.

I think as long is she is happy and enjoying it then it's noones business. Our DS does 1hr footy training 1 day after 1hr of tutoring then 2 days off unless a school football game. The 1.5hr Thursday and Friday footy training Saturday matches 1.5hr Sunday matches 1.5hr and games are all over northwest so some days out for good 4-5hr
DD does little active apart from school netball but does singing/drama/ dance 3hr thursday and 7hr Saturday plus extra vocal lessons for 1hr a 1hr tutor session in the week and volunteering for her duke of Edinburgh. And DS will be volunteering also this year for his
They have always been on the go used to busy routine even in nursery 4 days a week 730-545pm and wrap around school clubs in primary because we both work 40hr weeks.

But both love their clubs love their friends they have made away from where we live learnt social skills mixing with different people. But if they ever wanted to stop we would. Their down time is theirs we love taking them as we split it and as OP I do car singing along as they choose the music and it's a way of 1 on 1 catching up and connecting can it be a pita yes sometimes but they enjoy and we enjoy and currently not affecting anyone's health with over exertion.

So ignore the comments if she is happy she is happy

I wouldn’t say anything as it’s not my business but when do you ever let her just “be”?

I have a family member who is a primary head had to deal with kids breaking down as they just want to hang out sometimes, but the parents structured activities for them every night and all weekends.

Being active is great but kids don’t need all this structured activity. Something will have to give as she gets older and school work takes more time.

Also do you not work, I’d never have had all the time for all that.

All of these are non issues. We go to Australia every other year over Christmas and she handles the flight like a champ. Went to Hawaii in the summer just gone and she happily watched films/coloured in/read her books.
She has friends, when they come here they get up to all sorts, sometimes they play on the trampoline, her closest friend and her like to pretend their bikes are horses. Sometimes they play in her room and pretend they are on BGT and sing songs or pretend they are Taylor Swift and do their own version of her tour.
School have no concerns, she's working at or above expected across the board, no issues with focusing. She does do sports lunchtime clubs 2 days a week, but one day she does choir and the other days she plays with her friends. They usually seem to play teachers or mums and dads type games. Teacher said she often plays football with the older kids though.

She does Volleyball at School 2 lunchtimes which is a team sport. She tried football but didn't love it. She does prefer individual sports though. She did an after school hockey club in Y3 but they aren't running it this year.

She doesn't struggle with socialising at all really, shes not super talkative (but not shy either, she will happily speak in front of the whole school she just often doesn't have much to say!)

She has time every night to just be, school finishes at 3.15, she goes to bed around 8/8.30 that's about 5 hours, 1/1.5 at a club, half hour homework, half hour dinner (no clubs on Fridays but often a play date). Her version of just being is going on her trampoline or out on her bike (regardless of the weather).
Then weekends have plenty of time for just being too.

I disagree re if it were a boy, i would also be concerned if they never watched tv/were on trampoline alone for hours, hated any activity with sitting (like brownies). And one boy who always was outside football, always at the park with mates etc is being referred for adhd as behaviour deteriorating at secondary. And actually the other 2 very very sporty kids (without behaviour issues) are both referred re adhd.

Most of the calmer kids seem to do a balance of sports, art, music, brownies or scouts, team sports and individual. Mine has done spanish, cookery, coding, science etc etc.
Likewise ar weekends we do a mix of NT properties, zoos, beach, lunch out, cinema, theme parks, shopping, kids parties, soft play, pond dipping, cycling

It would be easy with an OC to follow just their interests so sport if it were that whereas often siblings like different things so have to put up with activities they dont like.

It probably isnt adhd if no other signs. And often kids pick up cues from parents and are offered sports that interest parents.

Perhaps they are commenting because of how she is at other houses? What does she do at grandparents etc without a park/gymnastics,trampoline and bike?

Does she get maths homework done accurately for eg

Also I work part time, my parents have her 3 nights a week, but on the nights they have her she goes to harriers 2 of them so they just make her dinner then drop her off and we pick her up from harriers. The other is a Friday and most Fridays she either goes to a friends house or my mum brings one of her friends back to ours.
More or less every Friday of this term her friend has slept over here or she's slept over at her friends, her friend does Tae Kwon Do early on Saturday morning though so her parents pick her up at 7.30/8 or we pick DD up around then.

I’m not sure it is even that high level of activity. It’s just that her activities are all expensive organised hobbies rather than long walk to school, playing football in the garden with siblings, biking around the neighbourhood with friends and then maybe one sporting club per week.

If your average energetic poor kid described what they did each week, they might burn off similar amounts of energy but in far more ordinary ways that wouldn’t attract any comments.

Like I said no issues with homework, she does about a half hour of homework every night and there is no arguments or forcing to get it done. School aren't worried.
She can watch tv and films and does but she'd often rather be outside.
She sees her friends often and does lots of activities, last weekend she slept over at her friends and they make friendship bracelets. My parents have a trampoline and she rides her bike to school so it doesn't really apply there.

But she does all that too? She rides her bike to school everyday.
We don't let her out alone on her bike or walking and her friends parents don't allow it either, but she is forever riding her bike up and down the path or out on the trampoline.