To think DH did nothing wrong here?

[Challas]

On my way to do the school run in the dark I nearly slammed into a little black car that was broken down just around a blind on our very rural 60 mile an hour road. I noticed a woman alone sitting in the car. I called DH and asked him to go at least put cones around the car but also to offer to the woman for him to stay with her (in his car) or come stand on our drive so she didn't get killed sitting in the car. He went up to her and she politely declined (all fine but he was legitimately afraid for her). He did then drive back around the bend and sat there with his hazards on to slow any cars coming down. Eventually the recovery van came for her and all was well until a few hours later we had the police at the door saying this woman reported DH for having made her feel threatened!? He's now said in the future he just won't even offer help if he's in the same position again. The police were fairly aggressive with wanting to know exactly what he said and did so clearly she was very uncomfortable.

Jesus wept. He quite possibly saved her life today from some vehicle hurtling round the bend and smashing straight into her car. And she called the cops?! I think he did the right thing and I’d have been extremely grateful.

Your husband did nothing wrong. Thanks to you both for saving a life - which could possibly be hers.

We ask men to step up all the time and when they do, we slap their wrists. I can see why some just mind their business.

We are conditioned to fear men, and with good reason, but I hope he continues to help in any way he can. It's a terrible state of affairs.

OP, I hope you respect his decision for the future. It's completely fair, IMO, especially after aggressive police treatment. Not worth the hassle and suspicion.

Why didn’t you stay with her instead of your husband?

@AppleKatie he wasnt just “protecting her” he was protecting all the other innocent people that could have been injured/gone to prison for killing her had they not been aware of her broken down car on a blind corner…..the way she was dealing with her situation was reckless to others as well as herself.

I mean I guess if I was OP and couldn’t offer her her myself, I would have explained the above and told her I would be sending my husband to help so she was at least aware he wasn’t a “random man”

Maybe her was protecting other drivers who may come hurtling into the back of her, injuring themselves.

The house is just around the bend, she was supposed to walk. Get off the road, stand somewhere safe and not put other road users in danger.

Presumably, not to leave her children stranded?! She was already en route.

I’d find it extremely odd if I told an unknown man I didn’t want his help and then he took it upon himself to hang around anyway.

If Iv said no I don’t want someone’s help then it means leave me alone. It doesn’t mean park up behind me and make me feel uncomfortable.

Blimey! I was in a very similar position last year. My car broke down on a blind bend just after a motorway slip road.

Drivers came speeding off the motorway onto the slip road, so it was a terribly dangerous place to break down.

I was terrified someone would smash into the back of me at speed. I put my hazzarss on, got straight out the car to a safe place and immediately phoned the police, then phoned the RAC.

A kind gentleman stopped to help me almost immediately. I told him I'd broken down and that I'd phoned the police and breakdown. He reversed and out in his hazards too.

The police arrived within 10 minutes and did what your husband (and the gentleman did), reversed and put their hazards and blue lights on, as well as putting some cones done between them and my broken down car.

So am absolutely gob smacked that the woman complained.

I was utterly overwhelmed by the kindness of the man. I couldn't thank him enough. It was a terrifying situation. The police thanked him too and sent him in his way.

What did the police actually say when they came round?

No it doesn't . Dh helped avoid her car getting hit, that is reward enough. HE'S not committed a crime so he juwt has to let the police have theor chat.

Even when it might mean someone else having an accident if there were no warnings about her car being there?

She did stop to call her husband. Otherwise none of this would have happened.

So you would rather continue to sit in your car, potentially being the cause of a fatal accident?

The lesson isn’t to not offer help. How absurd.

The lesson is if you offer help and it’s declined don’t assume you know better and hide around the corner to ‘help’.

If his knee jerk reaction is to sulk and say he’ll never help anyone again I’m wondering how he behaved in offering the help.

I don’t really understand why you kept driving having witnessed what you considered to be a life-threatening situation. That’s the kind of thing you stop for.

It was before the bend and had hazards on. Didn't you read that bit?

Couldn’t they have swapped? And him take the kids.

Perhaps the fact explained in the OP's first post that she was going to collect her children might give you a clue?

In the OP the initial offer was “for him to stay with her”, not round the corner. He only did that after she said no.

It's just been an upsetting evening. It's not as if I or DH had any well thought out plan. I really didn't expect to have to dodge a car in the road on the school run. It's your standard batshit rural windy road with passing places. I wasn't going to do a three point turn to go back nor would I have stopped and gotten out anyway with my toddler in the car. After I drove on a bit and recovered from the surprise of her even being there I thought to call DH as it really wasn't safe for her or anyone else. DH was working from home and could easily take calls from sitting in the car. He was on a call when the police showed up and I had to fetch him off teams! It's upsetting and embarrassing when your mid work call to have to ring off because the police think you've upset a woman in a vulnerable position.

Given her DH was clearly available to go sit in his car with the hazards on, they could easily have swapped "jobs".

At least he tried. If there’d been a terrible accident because of how she’d stopped, he would have felt awful for not trying. He did the right thing and if ever I broke down I would hope that someone would help me.

By walking? OP has explained their house was just beyond the bend.

This is such a difficult one OP. I would personally be terrified if I broke down on a country road in the dark (and I say that living in the countryside). Your husband had good intentions, but you know your husband and know he is a kind man, this woman doesn’t. I also think post Sarah Everard, women are even more paranoid of men and I think he probably raised her suspicions asking her to come and sit with him…even if he meant it kindly. I mean we’ve been learning stranger danger since we little kids.

Maybe he could have let her know he was going to sit round the corner with his hazards on as he was worried, but it doesn’t really matter. I also think the police have gone a little bit overboard to be honest, given the situation. Brings to mind the classic saying “can’t do right for doing wrong”. Hopefully your husband can look at the bigger picture and not refuse to help other people in need as it’s a good trait to have, he knows his intentions were good, so that’s all that matters really.