To think DH did nothing wrong here?

[Challas]

On my way to do the school run in the dark I nearly slammed into a little black car that was broken down just around a blind on our very rural 60 mile an hour road. I noticed a woman alone sitting in the car. I called DH and asked him to go at least put cones around the car but also to offer to the woman for him to stay with her (in his car) or come stand on our drive so she didn't get killed sitting in the car. He went up to her and she politely declined (all fine but he was legitimately afraid for her). He did then drive back around the bend and sat there with his hazards on to slow any cars coming down. Eventually the recovery van came for her and all was well until a few hours later we had the police at the door saying this woman reported DH for having made her feel threatened!? He's now said in the future he just won't even offer help if he's in the same position again. The police were fairly aggressive with wanting to know exactly what he said and did so clearly she was very uncomfortable.

But, in this situation, it would not be just about you, would it? Which is more important, you feeling uncomfortable or other people being saved from ploughing into your car?

OP's husband did not at any point offer to get into the woman's car.

it is sad but a man trying to help can be viewed as threatening- these are the time we live in. your poor husband

Your poor husband. Obviously trying to help and got no thanks for it.

She was en route!! Maybe he'd have been late getting the children leaving at that point?! Maybe she didn't anticipate some silly woman behaving in a way that plays right onto the 'hysterical woman' trope?

Stop with the mental gymnastics just to try and make out a man did something bad, when he was just trying to help someone in a bad situation and other motorists from an accident.

I would never have asked DH to go and help a woman on her own as if it was me I would feel very threatened bya strange manapproaching in the dark if I was vulnerable and broken down. I would have rung the police. Maybe made sure children safe and gone back to see if she needed help. DH and I have helped peop,e broken down a few times but always together as much less threatening.

You sound like a very kind pair OP so I hope it doesn’t stop youhelping people in future, just with more awareness. You may have saved her life.

You and your husband sound lovely. It was the right thing to do even if the woman didn’t appreciate it.

That said, having dealt with breakdowns as a lone woman, I can understand if she felt threatened. But if she called a recovery service, she could also have called the police at the time she felt threatened rather than waiting until afterwards. I think she has overreacted but then no good deed goes unpunished!

I remember breaking down on the side of a fairly remote road. The few cars that went by were upmarket family type cars, probably with kids in, probably on the way to the stables a couple of miles away. Nobody stopped to offer help. But then two rather rough looking blokes on motorbike stopped. They appeared quite intimidating in their bike leathers and knuckle tattoos. But they asked if I was ok and if they could help. I told them the tow truck was on its way, they asked again to make sure and then rode off. The morale of the story is don’t judge a book by its cover. The ‘family men’ that drove past didn’t stop to help but the two bikies who you would not want to bump into in a dark alley did.

Amazing that the police found him, and so quickly too...

If your family was in the next car around the corner and could potentially have slammed into her, and everybody died, wouldn’t you be glad that instead he had stopped there - warning cars that there was a hazard ahead? He may have prevented a really bad accident not just for the woman in the car.

If someone had ploughed into her and was killed or injured, she could have been facing serious charges. Her stupidity and ingratitude are annoying. Hopefully the police got the measure of the situation.

(I wonder why the roadside rescue that she had summoned didn't tell her to get well away from the car.)

Which is more important, saving yourself from possibly being raped, or saving drivers who are not adhering to the Highway Code instruction to drive at a speed such that you can stop in the distance you can see to be clear?

OK, if they plough into you, you'll be killed too. But I can quite understand that it would feel safer to be inside a locked car than out on the verge of a road in the dark with no passers by or nearby houses.

What charges?

She was in a dangerous situation and your Dh offered to help. I think people forget that most people are good. Obviously you wouldn't get in the car with a strange man but somebody offering to put cones out etc should be welcomed.
I get why good men are reluctant to help and I think it's a real shame and makes the streets less safe.

I don’t really understand why you kept driving having witnessed what you considered to be a life-threatening situation. That’s the kind of thing you stop for.

Ah, the wonders of hindsight. OP's in the car with a toddler on her way to collect young children, her entirely trustworthy husband is walking distance away from the incident. I don't have trouble with understanding why, in the pressure of that moment, OP went for the option of calling him rather than faffing around with trying to turn round on a winding country road and having her children upset because they're late being collected and worrying something has happened to Mummy when Daddy suddenly turns up.

Not much sleuthing to do there, since he told her he lived around the corner, was there.

Amazing.

Did she stop and speak to the woman and offer to call the cavalry? It sure didn't read that way.

Honestly police must have been board what a stupid complaint from the woman. I personally would have said no to your husband just because of watching too many crime documentaries.lol I live rurally and have helped many a person with water or something else with their car. Im really sorry your husband was treated like that. There are good people out there but again they have been told to shut up and sit down.

Not at all, if you read OP's posts. He gave his address as it was nearby with the offer that the woman could go and wait in their driveway off the road.

Yes, I was having a moment and forgot she'd broken down 😳! I still think she's an idiot though.

The woman was was completely selfish and fucking stupid she should of got out of her car and made an effort to warn drivers approaching
Somebody Could be killed or seriously injured running into the back of her

Why would she be in danger of being raped when she was sitting in her (presumably locked) car, just because someone parks round the corner and puts his hazards on? One question arising from this is why she didn't think to put hazards on herself.

We know there was at least one house nearby.

Just wondering if he has recently held the door open for a woman only to have her slam it in his face....

Also wondering if this is the same mumsnet where everyone is always being told to report things to the police so that it can be recorded". Or does that not apply to "my Nigel"?

Yes, there's new fangled machines called computers. You pop in a licence plate and up comes the name and address of the registered owner on the screen. It's amazing! Wait til you find out about those big machines that can fly people all across the world.

He did not. It was clear that he would be sitting in his own car.

OP, I'd like to say thank you to you and your husband for trying to help a lone woman in a dangerous situation. I'm sorry she reacted as she did but kudos to your husband for protecting her, at his own risk, with his hazards on.

I too live down a fairly narrow semi-rural road with blind bends and neighbours who routinely speed. I can imagine the position she was in and it makes my hair stand on end.