to think men shouldn't be midwives

[igglepiggle599]

Just saying, I have nothing against the male midwives themselves. I'm sure they're amazing at what they do and are lovely, kind, caring people. They themselves are not actually the issue I have.

I think many women are uncomfortable with the idea of a male midwife for any number of reasons, and there's a good chance that any given woman will automatically feel uncomfortable when a male midwife walks in. I also find it very disingenuous when people say that they can simply request another midwife. I'm sure that's often true (though maternity units presumable don't have an infinite supply of midwives at any given time, so there's at least a hypothetical scenario in which this wouldn't be possible?). I don't think it's fair that women should be put in a situation where they have to speak up and say that they want a different midwife, particularly when they are extremely vulnerable and possibly in excruciating pain. I'm not a particularly shy or passive person, but I would find that conversation very difficult even when not in labour. I might panic in the moment and wonder whether that amounted to some kind of breach of equality laws, or I might be in such a state that I just didn't want to risk any kind of conflict. Ultimately I would end up with a birth that may well be smooth from a medical point of view but somewhat tainted emotionally, as I would know that an aspect of the situation made me uncomfortable and I hadn't felt able to say anything.

Also, is midwifery even the kind of profession that would actually benefit from gender diversity given that women are the ones who give birth? I'm sure these very talented, compassionate men would be just as valued in a different branch of nursing. Obviously there are male doctors who can end up delivering a baby, but somehow it feels different for men to train in a role that is so intimate.

Very much open to different perspectives.

Had a female midwife and emergency necessitated the male OBGYN attending. Firstly, I'm glad I had a woman there advocating for me during birth. Secondly, I also would have preferred that the OB was female.

Lastly, he was a dick.

Also all gynaecologists? Obstetricians? Nurses on maternity wards? Family planning doctors? Honestly I genuinely don’t care, if I need medical attention any medical professional will do.

A male middy makes more sense to me than a male gynae, I’ve always wondered why they’d be fascinated by the workings of a fanny when they don’t have one. I know that’s reductive though. I suppose bringing new life safely into the world seems a more universal concern.

Also there’s a lot more to being a midwife than just digging about down there. I had a great midwife with child one, she didn’t actually ever do an internal, or deliver me, just because of timings, but I don’t know what I’d have done without her. So practical, pastoral, emotional, psychological support - got to think men can do that just the same as we can? I do think it’d be nice if the men choosing to be midwives didn’t have fingers like Tyson Fury, nobody wants that.

As per @Taytoface though I agree it’s open to abuse and I can see why some aren’t keen. I’ve met two vile, sadistic bitches who worked as midwives, and in the 00s our local hospital had so many deaths and serious issues in the maternity, people were going miles to avoid it and there was a big investigation, as a result of which a female midwife was charged - so ill-intent isn’t necessarily gender-specific.

I had the most amazing male midwife for the birth of my second. He was so supportive and kind and made it a far more positive experience than my first birth!

All professions benefit from diversity of thought, experience, background and approach.

Additionally, there’s a midwifery staffing shortage and they’re apparently leaving in droves. As long as they are qualified and keen, I really don’t give a shit what their gender is. I’m just delighted to actually have a midwife.

Maybe they're not better because they are bringing unique male perspectives but because they are working harder as they feel they have to prove themselves?

I also saw a different midwife at reach antenatal appointment several of whom failed to mention or treat a water infection (despite three increasingly positive test results), that resulted in a severe kidney infection. So no relationship for me to build on.

Well said.

@igglepiggle599 I had a male student midwife at my first's birth over 40 years ago and they only thing which made it embarassing was the fact that had been on my ward when he was finishing his general training. two docs in attendance were also male! the embarassment only lasted a few minutes though. after that everything was fine. he was only there to learn. remember there are also a lot of male obstetricians and gynaecologists, not just male midwives. they are all highly trained and that is what should be the biggest consideration for anyone!

Interesting because even nearly 30 years ago, at least half the midwives I saw were in their 20s, unmarried and certainly childless. As was the HV. Their lack of personal life experience did not inspire confidence. They were largely very "right on" and rather green. Not what I needed at all.

Thank you for this - I think you've iterated my position better than I could! 😂

Which tbf is reasonable.

Doesn't bother me in the slightest but absolutely can see why it would upset some women & that's absolutely fine. There should always be a choice for any kind of intimate care imo.

I live in a country where, as a woman, you go for specialist gynaecological tests and care twice a year. Whereas I‘ve always chosen female gynaecologists, I have friends who have purposely gone for male gynaecologists as ‘it feels more normal to have a man looking down there’.

The obstetrician who did my c- section was male. I didn’t like him, but not because he was male.

My experience of gynaecologists has been they get into it because of the babies, not the women. I can imagine most midwives are the same.

I couldn't agree more. Do we require that nurses have undergone surgery or perhaps chemotherapy to be able to perform specialist roles in an empathetic way? It's a ridiculous argument. I came across many midwives who were also mothers but who had no ability to walk a mile in someone else's shoes. I am gobsmacked by some of the responses on here.

I walked into hospital birthing my DS his head was there he was coming fast and I got put into an assessment room and left, not one of the flappy bloody midwifes believed me, when I said the baby was coming. All "ok love" "calm down dear" utter nonsense.

Then they finally realised the baby was actually coming, as if told them, they all panicked and panicked some more.

About 5 minutes of panic, talk about moving me etc and a male midwife walked in, said "right let's take a look" and literally calmed down all the flapping and delivered my DS in the assessment room 3 pushes later, i instantly felt calm, safe and like someone was in control.

The fact it was a man vs a woman at that precise moment wasn't any concern of mine but his manner was outstanding.

Yabu

Women should always have the choice and NEVER feel bad if they’re uncomfortable or unhappy with a male healthcare worker.

I’ve previous said I had male midwives with my first who were wonderfully supportive and listened and carried out everyone of my requests. The female midwife with my second dismissed the fact that I was in active labour so I had to give birth without the support of my husband.

Again, this has featured nowhere in my argument. Straw man fallacy.

I am from a different European country and seeing a gynaecologist to get the pill is the norm. That includes semi annually physical examinations, often including an internal ultrasound and smear test.

I had more men looking at my nether region than women, my first one was with 16 when my very irregular and heavy periods caused concerns.

I never felt vunerable, I felt in safe hands with someone who was trained to do the job.
Which is more than some nurses I had doing a smear test here in the UK.

Midwife, nurse, doctor, sex doesn't is an issue, it's their attitude, their knowledge and their compassion which counts.

Totally agree with you. I eat - that doesn’t make me a dietician.

Women should be allowed a choice.
There are many reasons why some would not want this.
However
If you’re in the throws of giving birth and there’s a change over of staff you are not necessarily in any mental state to suddenly stop and question who is in the room.
This is why birth plans should be front and centre. So many birth plans are ignored.

A trainee mail midwife turned up at our house for my home birth but went away as I was no where near giving birth. I wasn’t warned, I’m not sure how I would have felt about it especially as I would have been the first birth he’d witnessed. Not sure why that bothers me a little.
In the end with a back to back birth and blue lights all the way to hospital it was like Piccadilly Circus in the room when I actually gave birth. The male cleaner could have been there for all I know. No one was asking to come in and if the best person for the job is a man then I wouldn’t care.

However
Choice is everything and if women doesn’t want someone who is biologically male, that’s their right.

I‘m a bit torn by this. I had a male anaesthetist and a male obstetrician for my first birth. Both were brilliant and certainly the latter was very well acquainted with my nether regions during the delivery and stitching up afterwards. But… I wouldn’t have felt comfortable with a male midwife. I think a lot of the procedures are intimate and in a 1-1 setting . I had a fair few sweeps and I wouldn’t have liked those being done by a man just as I wouldn’t like a smear being done by a man. A midwife broke my waters manually and again I think I’d have felt a bit odd if a man had done the same.

All of the above might not be logical but I think there is a difference for me between a male obstetrician coming in to deliver a baby when things are getting dicey in a room full of people and a man undertaking more intimate 1:1, personal care.

I understand what you’re saying as it’s the most vulnerable situation to be in..so maybe some women aren’t comfortable with it. My midwives were all female (shift changes/student) and they were all amazing!! However my placenta was stuck and a male doctor came in even tho his shift had ended and managed to get it to move. I was so glad he was there as going for surgery after just having my baby was the last thing I wanted!!