to think men shouldn't be midwives

[igglepiggle599]

Just saying, I have nothing against the male midwives themselves. I'm sure they're amazing at what they do and are lovely, kind, caring people. They themselves are not actually the issue I have.

I think many women are uncomfortable with the idea of a male midwife for any number of reasons, and there's a good chance that any given woman will automatically feel uncomfortable when a male midwife walks in. I also find it very disingenuous when people say that they can simply request another midwife. I'm sure that's often true (though maternity units presumable don't have an infinite supply of midwives at any given time, so there's at least a hypothetical scenario in which this wouldn't be possible?). I don't think it's fair that women should be put in a situation where they have to speak up and say that they want a different midwife, particularly when they are extremely vulnerable and possibly in excruciating pain. I'm not a particularly shy or passive person, but I would find that conversation very difficult even when not in labour. I might panic in the moment and wonder whether that amounted to some kind of breach of equality laws, or I might be in such a state that I just didn't want to risk any kind of conflict. Ultimately I would end up with a birth that may well be smooth from a medical point of view but somewhat tainted emotionally, as I would know that an aspect of the situation made me uncomfortable and I hadn't felt able to say anything.

Also, is midwifery even the kind of profession that would actually benefit from gender diversity given that women are the ones who give birth? I'm sure these very talented, compassionate men would be just as valued in a different branch of nursing. Obviously there are male doctors who can end up delivering a baby, but somehow it feels different for men to train in a role that is so intimate.

Very much open to different perspectives.

I'd take a chimp as a midwife if they were good at their job.

So many people on here saying they had a good experience with a male midwife. That's great. But how many women have had male midwives when they didnt want them but didnt have the confidence to say no? Childbirth is an exclusively female experience. I don't know why we're so willing to bring men into something so intimate.

Obviously there are male doctors who can end up delivering a baby, but somehow it feels different for men to train in a role that is so intimate.

I am really not quite sure what you are implying here... Any caring profession is intimate and doctors don't exactly close their eyes when delivering your baby. I don't understand why you think male doctors are OK but male midwives are not.

@Taytoface Not all female midwives are perfect, but I can be pretty sure they are taking pictures of me for their own perverse pleasure

I think you were meant to say they are not taking pictures of you. But actually, you cannot be sure of either of these. I am confident there are some gay midwives of both sexes. I am also confident there are some criminal ones who may, conceivably, take pictures of you for whatever reason. Regardless of their gender.

Dear jesus, don't have one then!!! And don't darken the door of any male, medical professional as you clearly have a problem!

100% this. The womanhood of child birth was for me, the most surprising and invigorating / special part of the whole thing, shared with other women who only want to support you.

It’s not just giving birth, but the beautiful women who come to your house in the days afterwards to help you look after your newborn and answer your questions and make sure you and your baby are well. The women who help you breastfeed! Knowledgable beautiful women with boobs of their own.
All that lovely estrogen. Makes me want to live in a commune and just bring men in for studding.

That's different and perfectly acceptable.

Not someone with a cat's bum face who hates on men!!

But there should still always be a choice.

Lots of women would feel very vulnerable or even distressed with a man in those situations.

Personally I’d rather have an experienced male midwife than a less experienced female midwife, both of whom may not have experienced childbirth. I had no interest in forming any kind of bond with my midwives as my attention was focused on other things. Most experienced midwife is always the best option for me

During my labour I was cared for by two female and one male midwife. All were fantastic, I felt comfortable with all of them.

I am no midwife but I presume not all pregnancy's can go exactly as the birth plan says, i presume they are guide not an order

If someone is that set on their birth plan that they get hysterical they don't get what they demand no wonder why they spend years afterwards complaining their order was not followed

Where women dominate positions of power?
They absolutely do not. They work as valuable members of a wide multidisciplinary team with their own unique skill set.

I get that. When I went through IVF the nurse brought in a male doctor to check the early pregnancy internal scan. When she said she was going to fetch him I had a moment of thinking 'oh no' and that was after a full round of IVF where you get totally used to everyone furtling around up there. I was instantly at ease though when he came into he room because he was clearly interested only in the scan and the screen and being granted privileged access to my privates meant nothing to him.

Men in the room during my birth/section meant literally nothing to me. I didn't give a fuck. You really do become someone else for a brief period. I'm someone who hides tampons on the way to public toilets and doesn't fart in front of my boyfriend but all those men saw everything and I didn't even think about it. Pregnancy was over! Suddenly the most amazing human in the world was here and he was MY SON! They could have photographed me from every angle and tagged me on Facebook and I wouldn't have given it a thought.

I read an article once exploring why men want to become gynaes and iirc the main reasons were-
being in a discipline where patients where generally healthy

preferring female patients - mainly for the communication skills and engagement in their health

not routinely dealing with with death or trauma

Wow 50 / 50 OP
Interesting thread !

Thanks - I was in the mood for a good debate. This is certainly it!

I had a male OBGYN, not a problem at all.

But how is it fair to say men can’t be midwives because some women are too scared to say they don’t want one for their birth?

Oh wow, that's really interesting!

But there should be limits on what they can do.

I have no problem with a man delivering the baby, whether midwife or doctor.

I would have had a major problem with a bloke assisting me trying to breastfeed. I can still remember now how the midwives handled my breasts - I didn’t have a problem with it, as they were trying their best (DS1 refused to cooperate), but I class it in the same category as mammograms - only to be done by a woman. I’ve had breast exams and ultrasounds done by men - fine. But there is something different about how your breasts are actually handled during mammograms and during breastfeeding support - less clinical, and more intimate- and no way am I having either done by a bloke. Liverpool NHS mammography is only done by female staff.

That's not true. I had built up a good relationship with the 2 male obstetricians who delivered my antenatal care and delivered my babies by c/section. I could have chosen to go to a female, but having been through infertility investigations with the first one, I trusted him. A gentler man you couldn't have wished to me. I only went to someone else because he retired after I had my second.

If someone is inserting their fingers in my bits, I could not care less whether or not they have a penis.

"Just saying I have nothing against the male midwives themselves" you say. What about if you said "just saying I have nothing against the black midvives themselves". If it's a trained midwife, it's a midwife.

Because the emotional and personal consequences for those women are much greater than for the male midwives.

So true! Diverse workplaces are the healthiest not all me / female / young / old.

Do you feel the same about male undertakers?

My feelings count for very little.

I suppose you know why undertakers/morticians and whoever else works with dead bodies prefer to hire females?

You can work it out, can't you?

To be fair I had a male midwife for my antenatal care and I must admit I felt very uncomfortable talking about personal/intimate issues. I understand that it shouldn’t affect anything, he was a lovely guy and I’m sure very knowledgable but for me I couldn’t help the way I felt. I didn’t feel comfortable speaking up and asking for a different midwife so I just got on with it but I’m glad I had a female midwife for delivery.