to think men shouldn't be midwives

[igglepiggle599]

Just saying, I have nothing against the male midwives themselves. I'm sure they're amazing at what they do and are lovely, kind, caring people. They themselves are not actually the issue I have.

I think many women are uncomfortable with the idea of a male midwife for any number of reasons, and there's a good chance that any given woman will automatically feel uncomfortable when a male midwife walks in. I also find it very disingenuous when people say that they can simply request another midwife. I'm sure that's often true (though maternity units presumable don't have an infinite supply of midwives at any given time, so there's at least a hypothetical scenario in which this wouldn't be possible?). I don't think it's fair that women should be put in a situation where they have to speak up and say that they want a different midwife, particularly when they are extremely vulnerable and possibly in excruciating pain. I'm not a particularly shy or passive person, but I would find that conversation very difficult even when not in labour. I might panic in the moment and wonder whether that amounted to some kind of breach of equality laws, or I might be in such a state that I just didn't want to risk any kind of conflict. Ultimately I would end up with a birth that may well be smooth from a medical point of view but somewhat tainted emotionally, as I would know that an aspect of the situation made me uncomfortable and I hadn't felt able to say anything.

Also, is midwifery even the kind of profession that would actually benefit from gender diversity given that women are the ones who give birth? I'm sure these very talented, compassionate men would be just as valued in a different branch of nursing. Obviously there are male doctors who can end up delivering a baby, but somehow it feels different for men to train in a role that is so intimate.

Very much open to different perspectives.

I'd have thought it was the 'technical', part of being a midwife that was the concern for a lot of women! Why do you think a male midwife can't give a woman the same level of emotional support? Do you feel the same about male nurses?

I don’t care if you think me prudish because I don’t want a male midwife visiting me at home alone to check my stitches. Women are allowed to have boundaries around their person and who sees them. The alternative is rape culture.

Yes I don’t think male midwives or nurses can give all women the same level of emotional support. The PP on here might feel comfortable with them, but there are plenty of women who are not. And if you don’t feel comfortable then then you would not be emotionally supported (which in term would prolong labour and increase risk of poor outcomes).

I can understand not caring about the gender but why would anyone actively choose a man over a women?.

And your point is?

Exactly what I said before 😂😂😂

Sorry you’re struggling - he has more medical training than them. By saying he might have be a consultant I was referring to his experience.

Good 😊

I think this is a fear/ uncomfortable feeling you have and in that respect I request a female midwife. However this is not a common or blanket view and throughout most women's lives there may come a time when doctors, healthcare professionals who are male may have to deal with our care. And the concern I think is a blanket view is whether they have the competency and experience to complete the procedure well as opposed to their gender.

Of course in emergencies I'm "happy" to be attended to by a male doctor/nurse/midwife. If I'm at death's door I'm not going to say "I will not accept help from people with penises", but in "normal" life I wont see one!

A choice between a male midwife and no midwife is no choice at all, don’t be silly.

I’m guessing that all the pro-male midwife posters on here also think that their elderly female relatives are prudish for wanting their intimate care such as bathing and toileting to be carried out by a woman rather than a man?

I would have thought it is a common view, perhaps even a predominant view. It’s about 50/50 on this thread although I don’t think a mumsnet poll is at all representative of the general population.

Not at all. Having a preference is absolutely fine but just as I wouldn’t ban make midwives, I wouldn’t ban male care workers either.

U must have too much time on yr hands.

Completely understand the culture/preference but for me the critical factors are expertise and kindness. I spent three months once in hospital as an adult, fairly helpless and on the whole the male nurses were better, certainly kinder and more understanding.

Giving birth, a female midwife delivered my daughter but a male doctor dealt with some stitches needed so was very up close and personal. I didn't find it a problem myself.

I don't care if it's a man or a woman, I'm 99% sure I have nothing they haven't seen before. In the throws of childbirth I couldn't really give a shit about anything, I just remember continually saying "whatever" at anything they said to me 😂

Not a midwife, but I had a male sonograper and I wasn't comfortable with it due to past trauma. I mentioned it upon arrival how I would prefer a lady and had to explain why. They made out I was a major inconvenience and basically told me to "get over it". I spent the entire appointment feeling sick to my stomach, and due to being tense it was a very physically painful experience. Even if they're absolutely fantastic at their jobs, it's not something I'm comfortable with and they should be able to accommodate those who have past trauma/certain beliefs without making out they're being an inconvenience

I am sure the great majority of adult men have seen vaginas before.

With my first baby the female midwives got the pain relief wrong, so I felt the intensified contractions (despite having the nerve block, as it only went halfway up my abdomen) from the syntocin drip as I wasn't progressing (I thought something was wrong, and that my son and I were going to die). Was patronised, belittled, blamed for their failings, and generally made to feel awful because, funnily enough, the pain was like nothing on earth...Bunch of harridans. I was 19, with a low confidence, and believed that it was my fault. I also had to deal with my knobend ex mansplaining breathing techniques to me and saying that as I'd had pain relief then I didn't need to be so embarrassing and dramatic. So I was terrified when, 12 years later (and, absolutely petrified of giving birth again), and I was told I needed the exact same due to how the baby was laying and that I'd lost some of my waters but not progressing. After shifts changed (it was Christmas day), in walked a huge muscular man covered with tattoos - my midwife! It took some persuading to try the same things again, as I was still fearful of history repeating itself, but he was very understanding and respectful, putting us at complete ease, explaining to me and my Husband what most likely went wrong at my last birth (and that he would endeavour to make sure it did not happen at this one). Got everything right to the extent I hardly felt much pain delivering at all! He was also genuinely thrilled as our baby was his first Christmas Day baby. He was the best, we loved him. Couldn't care less about his sex; just that he was respectful, non-judgemental, and incredibly capable.

Not being silly at all. I was replying to to the real world example of your own labour: “requesting a female midwife before the birth means basically diddily squat when it comes to it and there aren’t enough female midwives on the rota to cover everyone”.

In this situation the choice is a male midwife or no midwife. More women aren’t going to want to do the job and fill those spots on the rota just because men aren’t doing the job anymore.

Things were different for older women. Even my grandad never saw my grandmother naked.

But I would have no problem with male medics and carers looking after my mum. It is fairly commonplace already as there is not such an abundance of carers, time and money to facilitate every elderly person choosing their carer.

I’m sorry you went through an earlier trauma, but it would have helped with their scheduling if you’d mentioned your preference beforehand. It’s too late when you arrive.

Rapists certainly know what they are.

I was never given the option, my doctor had referred me for an emergency scan which she had me booked in that same day. I was only given a time and place, no contact details etc.