to think men shouldn't be midwives

[igglepiggle599]

Just saying, I have nothing against the male midwives themselves. I'm sure they're amazing at what they do and are lovely, kind, caring people. They themselves are not actually the issue I have.

I think many women are uncomfortable with the idea of a male midwife for any number of reasons, and there's a good chance that any given woman will automatically feel uncomfortable when a male midwife walks in. I also find it very disingenuous when people say that they can simply request another midwife. I'm sure that's often true (though maternity units presumable don't have an infinite supply of midwives at any given time, so there's at least a hypothetical scenario in which this wouldn't be possible?). I don't think it's fair that women should be put in a situation where they have to speak up and say that they want a different midwife, particularly when they are extremely vulnerable and possibly in excruciating pain. I'm not a particularly shy or passive person, but I would find that conversation very difficult even when not in labour. I might panic in the moment and wonder whether that amounted to some kind of breach of equality laws, or I might be in such a state that I just didn't want to risk any kind of conflict. Ultimately I would end up with a birth that may well be smooth from a medical point of view but somewhat tainted emotionally, as I would know that an aspect of the situation made me uncomfortable and I hadn't felt able to say anything.

Also, is midwifery even the kind of profession that would actually benefit from gender diversity given that women are the ones who give birth? I'm sure these very talented, compassionate men would be just as valued in a different branch of nursing. Obviously there are male doctors who can end up delivering a baby, but somehow it feels different for men to train in a role that is so intimate.

Very much open to different perspectives.

But he was a Dr so not surprising he knew what to do medically.

Prudishness? Fucking hell.

Also, is midwifery even the kind of profession that would actually benefit from gender diversity given that women are the ones who give birth?

Not every female midwife can actually relate though.

The midwife who delivered my second child was an absolute cow, so much so that I had her removed from the birthing suite. She point blank told me I didn’t know what I was talking about when I told her my child was about to pop out. Umm, given that I was the one with the bowling ball forcing its way out my vagina, I think I had a pretty good handle on the situation. I asked her if she’d given birth before - she had not. She didn’t like that I told her that of the two of us, I was a little bit more experienced.

A few minutes after she left, he all but fell out.

I can’t quite believe some of the things I’ve read here. The person claiming pregnant women shouldn’t decline male care on trauma grounds because ‘they’ve clearly had sex with a man to get pregnant so can’t be that traumatised’ as well as the flat-out denial of real rape and sexual assault statistics, posters arguing that sexual assault against women is actually very rare and counts as exceptional circumstances. Honestly.

Why? There's all sorts of reasons why a woman might feel uncomfortable with a male midwife, it's not necessarily about his personally - though having read interviews with two male midwives where they complained about some women asking for a woman instead, at least some could do with extra training on those reasons and be reminded of the meaning of person centred care.

All the consultants in the hospital I gave birth are male apart one. I have a male friend who is a midwife and he is the most caring gentle person I ever met. I really don't care if they are male or female as long as they are doing their job properly.

Feels like we’ve been invaded tbh.

I had a male midwife for my first nearly 40 years ago. He was a very pleasant young man but I would rather have had women only.

There are not enough midwives. That is the need. Should we continue to have shortfalls in care and understaffing stressors for staff when highly skilled highly motivated people are prepared to step up to the roles but they are the ‘wrong sex’?

That's nice dear. But given this isn't a thread to discuss whether there's anything wrong with me or not, I very much doubt anyone on here gives a shit about your opinion on the matter.

Obs anaesthetist.

Most obstetricians are male (slowly changing to more equal) so if need forceps or a section often a man. We try to accommodate Muslims requests for all female theatre teams but often not possible at night

What were the midwives doing??? They are medically trained highly experienced specialists in their field. They will have helped train the doctors!

I was a bit embarrassed with my last because she was my only epidural and I was naked- but I wasn’t far gone in the realms of physical torture then. With my other births I couldn’t have cared less as long as the torture was over and the baby out. With childbirth I think it’s very true that you leave your dignity at the door when you come in and pick it up again on your way out!

Same here - he was the best midwife I had across either birth!

I didn’t care what sex my midwife was - I just wanted them to make it all go away! Choice (actual choice - as you say, OP, staffing could be an issue) is important though.

I had an absolute bitch for my first. Horrible, horrible woman. It was a very traumatic birth and once she finally was born, that ridiculous woman didn’t even notice she’d turned blue and stopped breathing - my husband had to inform her. Would I have rather had a competent and caring male midwife? Hell, yes.

Equality means equal across the board not building in more inequality.

Equality means steps for everyone across the board, not more inequality by giving wheelchair users a lift….

What about an incompetent male midwife? Or a competent female one? Why are so many posters suggesting that the answer to incompetent female midwives is a man?

I am suspicious.

And now we seem to be burning male midwives at the stake labelling them as predators and perverts. This thread is fast becoming female red pill territory

I wouldn’t have a problem with a male midwife. Plenty of male obstetricians and no one has an issue with that.

I don’t think you’re reading my post carefully enough. I said I had an appalling midwife for my first - 2, 3 and 4 were great. What I did say is that it’s the competence and manner that’s important, not the gender

I understand that some women would be uncomfortable with a male nurse or midwife and that’s absolutely fine. But it can’t be a blanket rule “no male midwives” or whatever. If it was the other way around and all men didn’t want female nurses looking after them when they are unwell the health system just wouldn’t function.

It wouldn't bother me, I've had male obstetricians, various other male medical trained staff in the room while having a baby, a midwife wouldn't be any different at the time you are just grateful to have expert help.

Yes - prudishness. What I’m seeing on this thread is a lot of shame around having a fanny.

The idea of vulnerability is a fallacy. I’m less likely to assaulted by a midwife in a hospital than I am by a partner in my own home. There is also no evidence to say I am more likely to be assaulted by a midwife than by any other medical professional. The only difference is laying around with your fanny out - shame.

The conflation of a medical situation and intimacy is another giveaway. The shame that comes from our vulvas being associated with sex shaping how we engage with highly trained professionals.

VWAG is a problem, but overestimating risks is making women feel vulnerable in situations where the risks are incredibly low. There needs to be perspective. And before you jump on me, I say this as someone who lived through DV as a child and rape later on. But I put it into perspective and don’t let those incidents shape my interactions with all men.

It could be consultant for all you know.