to think men shouldn't be midwives

[igglepiggle599]

Just saying, I have nothing against the male midwives themselves. I'm sure they're amazing at what they do and are lovely, kind, caring people. They themselves are not actually the issue I have.

I think many women are uncomfortable with the idea of a male midwife for any number of reasons, and there's a good chance that any given woman will automatically feel uncomfortable when a male midwife walks in. I also find it very disingenuous when people say that they can simply request another midwife. I'm sure that's often true (though maternity units presumable don't have an infinite supply of midwives at any given time, so there's at least a hypothetical scenario in which this wouldn't be possible?). I don't think it's fair that women should be put in a situation where they have to speak up and say that they want a different midwife, particularly when they are extremely vulnerable and possibly in excruciating pain. I'm not a particularly shy or passive person, but I would find that conversation very difficult even when not in labour. I might panic in the moment and wonder whether that amounted to some kind of breach of equality laws, or I might be in such a state that I just didn't want to risk any kind of conflict. Ultimately I would end up with a birth that may well be smooth from a medical point of view but somewhat tainted emotionally, as I would know that an aspect of the situation made me uncomfortable and I hadn't felt able to say anything.

Also, is midwifery even the kind of profession that would actually benefit from gender diversity given that women are the ones who give birth? I'm sure these very talented, compassionate men would be just as valued in a different branch of nursing. Obviously there are male doctors who can end up delivering a baby, but somehow it feels different for men to train in a role that is so intimate.

Very much open to different perspectives.

I don't think I would care either way. Where do we draw the line, no male Gynaecologists, Paediatricians, Obstetricians?

I had a male doctor stitch me up like a turkey after my 9lb post partum haemorrhage baby.

I did not care one jot.

But then maybe I was still high?

I doubt you can just rock up with a penis and start being a midwife. It’s the same training, same skills assessment for everyone.

I didn't miss any point.

RTFT.

They are medical professionals there to provide a service. A hospital cannot be expected to meet ‘preferences’ it’s their job to attend to needs. Keep a family member in the room as a chaperone.

You’ve got a Brexity split right now @igglepiggle599. 52-48 😉

Personally, I didn’t want a male midwife and believe every woman should have a genuine right to choose, and be provided with, a woman midwife.

A big reason is because I’m not aware of (though may stand corrected) any independent male midwives, who believe in one woman, one midwife. Continuity of care. The same people with you through your entire labour, however long or complicated it proves to be. The women midwives who supported me at home were fighting to improve the lack of women-centred, one-on-one care. They saw it v much as a women’s rights issue. My wonderful midwives totally empowered me as I feel only other women truly can: “We don’t deliver your baby: you do”. But I do accept certain men could too.

Plus, for me it’s also for intimacy reasons. The same as smear tests, mammograms etc. Granted, not all women are great. I’ve had some women give me those tests who made me it feel quite cold and inhumane. Granted, some may’ve been sexually into women. Doesn’t bother me in the slightest, unless they do anything inappropriate. I still prefer a woman over a man if I need to open my legs or have my tit shoved in machine. Realise other women don’t mind.

But your equivalents are off.

Woman ≠ accountant

Woman = man or woman

Accountant = midwife

Tax return = delivery

No, you were just being pragmatic, like most normal people @GogAndMagog!

I don't believe that most people IRL would share the Victorian-esque levels of prim and proper, "oh I can't possibly let a qualified professional man who sees them like a spark might see a reel of cable see my bits, pass the smelling salts!"

It’s BS

Well you couldn't have your male partner there for a start lol!

Child mistreatment and neglect, yes, because overwhelmingly women are primary carers, and sole carers (which tends to skew to poverty, stress, and adverse childhood experiences of their own - of course loads of single mothers are fantastic, but a troubled young person having a child alongside eg a drug habit is unlikely to have come from a happy home herself). It isn't that women are inherently more likely to hit or neglect children. It's just that most childcare, and almost all sole childcare, is done by women. So an angry, resentful child carer is exponentially likely to be a female relative of that child, because women perform such a hugely greater share of childcare.

Child sexual abuse, and overwhelmingly, and despite far less access to children as described above, it's men. Women very, very rarely commit child sex offences.

maybe the male midwives have to try harder in a predominantly female field, the same way women have to be 10x better than men in male dominated fields. Cuts both ways. I have had genuinely shitty female midwives and health visitors so I don’t view the shared experience of having a vagina as a guarantee of excellence or compassion.

that is a preference not a requirement. Your requirement is medical care provided by a medical professional in a medical setting.

Women may rarely commit child sex offences but are often complicit in their partner’s sexual assault of their children. Turning a blind eye makes them equally guilty.

Apologies for using the wrong word but I’m sure most on here would realise I meant birth plan
As I said front and centre of the birth plan

Interesting. Someone points out that men overwhelmingly commit a particularly heinous form of crime, and women don't, and your instant response is to find a way to insist women are, in fact, equally guilty.

Congruent with your comments all through, of course.

For some women, it would be a requirement. And that's fine. Their feelings are what matter in their own childbirth, not those of some unknown man or men.

And it is now decades later.

It’s not about the feelings of the male midwives who doubtless want mum to be to be comfortable and have a safe delivery - it’s about expecting hospitals to be able to schedule staff around a preference. By all means express a preference but expect that they will meet your needs by the best means available at the time. When it comes down to it you want the most skilled person available to be in charge of your care right?

Just tidying up your biased assertions. You are welcome

Quite.

Any male midwife with any respect for women should be very understanding of that too. Hopefully they wouldn’t take offence unlike many of the posters on here that are doing that on their behalf. If they do, tough!

So many on this thread banging on about how female midwives are necessarily better than male midwives etc are spectacularly missing the point. It’s not about ability, there’s no suggestion that the male midwives are not competent. This is simply about some women feeling extremely uncomfortable to have the continued active presence of an unknown male when they are at their most vulnerable and exposed.

Sorry that should say are not necessarily better…too slow to edit

I asked for all female care when I gave birth which the hospital accommodated. I ended up having an emergency C section and all the theatre staff were women! I was in an emergency situation and I was still very conscious of strange men being around.

I think as we move forward as a society it will be common for men and women to get dignified care and be able to choose the sex of their care staff. I feel this will be a positive for everyone, men should have male carers if they want and women should have women.

I had one of the first male midwives when I had DS. He was just as capable as any female one. I was very lucky that it was an easy birth but I still had no problems with him. It's no different from any other nurse or doctor.

I was asked if I minded having him beforehand.