to think men shouldn't be midwives

[igglepiggle599]

Just saying, I have nothing against the male midwives themselves. I'm sure they're amazing at what they do and are lovely, kind, caring people. They themselves are not actually the issue I have.

I think many women are uncomfortable with the idea of a male midwife for any number of reasons, and there's a good chance that any given woman will automatically feel uncomfortable when a male midwife walks in. I also find it very disingenuous when people say that they can simply request another midwife. I'm sure that's often true (though maternity units presumable don't have an infinite supply of midwives at any given time, so there's at least a hypothetical scenario in which this wouldn't be possible?). I don't think it's fair that women should be put in a situation where they have to speak up and say that they want a different midwife, particularly when they are extremely vulnerable and possibly in excruciating pain. I'm not a particularly shy or passive person, but I would find that conversation very difficult even when not in labour. I might panic in the moment and wonder whether that amounted to some kind of breach of equality laws, or I might be in such a state that I just didn't want to risk any kind of conflict. Ultimately I would end up with a birth that may well be smooth from a medical point of view but somewhat tainted emotionally, as I would know that an aspect of the situation made me uncomfortable and I hadn't felt able to say anything.

Also, is midwifery even the kind of profession that would actually benefit from gender diversity given that women are the ones who give birth? I'm sure these very talented, compassionate men would be just as valued in a different branch of nursing. Obviously there are male doctors who can end up delivering a baby, but somehow it feels different for men to train in a role that is so intimate.

Very much open to different perspectives.

My son and daughter are also both ‘decent’. They both understand that there may be situations where someone may be uncomfortable with their presence. My son understands that not every woman knows he isn’t a threat to them and doesn’t take offence at that. That’s being truly decent.

I had my first baby at 17 and he was delivered by a male midwife.
He was kind and compassionate and held my hand throughout. 24 years later and I remember him so well.

I chose to not even have my male partner attend the birth as I felt I'd be more comfortable with all women. But after the way the women who cared for me on the ward above treated me (pure evil and I'll never forget her either)
I was just so grateful to see his friendly face that him being male didn't matter to me at all.

I respect a woman's right to choose who is looking after her during labour.

I didn't tell my midwives about it, though. And it wouldn't matter if instead of being assaulted I had just been made to feel uncomfortable or threatened by a man in my life. Men's superior strength and socialisation make it such that many women have been made to feel afraid of uncomfortable by men.

You're changing the topic. When you say shit like "I thought modern women were more ballsy than that" you're talking about how women feel about having a male midwife. I'm pointing out that balls has nothing to do with it (and even if it did, surely your birth isn't the time to need courage to face the people there to support you).

I honestly can’t tell you the gender of all the people who came in and out of the rooms when I gave birth.

The one I’ll never forget was the male anaesthetist who was a beacon of calm and my complete focus when everything went tits up. He calmly talked me through, and when I woke up he was the one who told me my baby was fine before anyone said anything else.

Nobody was talking about you!!

Think about the poor men….

I could think of lots of words for you but don5 want to be deleted. 😂

Biology matters.

Pretty sexist to say they shouldn't be. Just like males can be nurses too. And carers.

Like saying a woman shouldn't be an engineer or an electrician.

That’s why some men think women shouldn’t fly planes 🤣

You are arguing solely from the viewpoint of male rights. Rather than have the courage to own that you're twisting yourself in knots trying to pretend you have women's interests in mind. Its blatantly obvious from your responses to women on the thread, including telling them 'it's not about you' what your agenda is.

🤦‍♀️

Of course men can be nurses and carers too. There are many men who would prefer a male nurse or carer to care for them and they should have the right to only same sex nurses/carers too.

You really can't see a difference between women being an engineer and men being a midwife - in a role where they are up close and personal, literally inside our vagina and handling our newborn baby when we are in a very vulnerable position, some of us who might have suffered previous trauma and sexual assault?

It does and I was just pointing out that the biology around sex is a bit more involved than you seem to realise. You can’t always just eyeball it.

Wow right back at you.

You could observe their gait. Cosmetic surgery and cross sex hormones don’t change pelvis shape. Or hand size.

I think you have a point OP.
I believe if women do have a preference they would opt for a female midwife (I do understand that some do not care).

I'm sure this is the weirdest comparison you will ever hear. But I've heard some men say that women make better football commentators or reporters because they take so much care checking everything so as not to be criticised by the men. I wonder whether male midwives know they are likely to be disliked or criticised so take extra care of the woman?

All you would have had to say is, "I am not comfortable with...". Having survived what you did and come through it I'm sure you could have said that to another female? Or for your birth partner to say so on your behalf?

The ballsiness I referred to was exercising your right to say no to a male midwife. I'm from a generation where, when I was assaulted, my parents said it would be a mistake to say anything because I'd have been accused of leading them on. Sadly they were right. I didn't ever associate male professional healthcare staff with those sleazebags. Maybe that's just me.

God you have to explain everything in words of not more than one syllable...

On a newborn baby? That’s what we were talking about. A midwife who’s got the biology nous to observe the sex at birth.

I'd imagine a lot of them do feel pressured to over-compensate.

I'm sad to think of passionate and enthusiast young men, choosing to go into a caring career, and meeting with such criticism and contempt. A woman gives birth on a given day, and she can say no to a male midwife.

The male midwife is dissed day in day out, according to this thread. It must be soul destroying.

I think you've misunderstood, the OP isn't suggesting that having given birth is the ONLY qualification required to be a midwife.

Nor that every who an who has given birth makes a good midwife.

So no, eating doesn't qualify you to be a dietician.You can eat and be a dietician, that doesn't mean you'll be a good one.

If however, you don't eat, or you eat nothing but chips, I would rather you weren't MY dietician, no matter how qualified you are. You may he able to do the job, but I'd rather someone who lived by the advice they give. I would also like a lawyer who stayed on the right side of the law and an accountant who files their own returns on time and a butcher who eats meat.

So you dont want male midwives. Do you also think that men should not be gynaecologists and breast surgeons? I have had a male gynae who was great and also a male breast surgeon who removed a very rare benign lump and took the greatest of care that my scarring would be minimal. Both of them were nothing but respectul. Male midwives want the same outcomes as a female midwife, the safe delivery of a healthy baby and a healthy mum.

I don’t think you saw the post I replied to so you’ve missed the context.

So, here's the thing.

Women clearly need to know everything about their midwife's background before consenting to let her/him within 10 feet of them.

So maybe there should be a questionnaire?

Like,

Are you male/female?
Do you identify otherwise?
What is your sexuality?
What religion are you?
What political party do you vote for?
What is your diet like?
Do you eat meat?
Do you have any penalty points on your driving licence?

Feel free to add your own.

Sorry, I thought you meant the midwife. If there is any doubt about the sex of a newborns baby (I presume you mean due to congenital reproductive disorders) they they would be given ultrasound, blood tests and possibly genetic testing which would mean their sex could be clearly identified before they leave hospital.