to think men shouldn't be midwives

[igglepiggle599]

Just saying, I have nothing against the male midwives themselves. I'm sure they're amazing at what they do and are lovely, kind, caring people. They themselves are not actually the issue I have.

I think many women are uncomfortable with the idea of a male midwife for any number of reasons, and there's a good chance that any given woman will automatically feel uncomfortable when a male midwife walks in. I also find it very disingenuous when people say that they can simply request another midwife. I'm sure that's often true (though maternity units presumable don't have an infinite supply of midwives at any given time, so there's at least a hypothetical scenario in which this wouldn't be possible?). I don't think it's fair that women should be put in a situation where they have to speak up and say that they want a different midwife, particularly when they are extremely vulnerable and possibly in excruciating pain. I'm not a particularly shy or passive person, but I would find that conversation very difficult even when not in labour. I might panic in the moment and wonder whether that amounted to some kind of breach of equality laws, or I might be in such a state that I just didn't want to risk any kind of conflict. Ultimately I would end up with a birth that may well be smooth from a medical point of view but somewhat tainted emotionally, as I would know that an aspect of the situation made me uncomfortable and I hadn't felt able to say anything.

Also, is midwifery even the kind of profession that would actually benefit from gender diversity given that women are the ones who give birth? I'm sure these very talented, compassionate men would be just as valued in a different branch of nursing. Obviously there are male doctors who can end up delivering a baby, but somehow it feels different for men to train in a role that is so intimate.

Very much open to different perspectives.

Nope didn’t care about that. My second baby’s head was really quite large. I cared about that… 🤪

What’s the difference to you then?

Why? Why would I trust a midwife who believes boys can be girls. I don’t want someone to tell me that they’re ‘assigning, my baby female or male, I want someone who understands that my baby is male or female because they observe it. I also want someone with a grip on medical and biological reality in a medical setting.

How very dare he! Delivering babies and saving women’s lives whilst being a man. Bloody predator.

I have a male child and a female child. They are both very decent people. I do not want either of them, including my male child, to be discriminated against. I have a female grandchild and two male grandsons. I do not want any to be discriminated against. It does matter - don't discriminate against someone just because they're male, female, black, brown, young, old, disabled ...

The 2 (female) midwives who were supposed to be caring for me during my first labour were the only people I have ever described as "bitches". (Not to their faces). I don't think a man or even just a passer by could have been more dismissive and awful.

It is not, you wouldn't know misogyny if it jumped on your back!! Talk about bloody twisting things!!

Neither of my lovely obstetricians EVER assaulted anyone!!

TG I'm not narrow and backward in my thinking!

OMG this is utterly pointless and so very shocking!!

This doesn't worry me. I do understand that it can make some uncomfortable. When it comes to medical care I just want the best person who's available at the time.

If someone wants to be excited by female parts there are much easier ways to go about it , and less paperwork/stress than becoming a midwife, so I assume the people in that job genuinely take their medical careers seriously.

I've been raped. That's the basis for my "discomfort" being naked and vulnerable around men. Perhaps if I had been more ballsy I'd just get over it so that.... A man can pursue a career in midwifery and never encounter a woman who doesn't want to be treated by him? Ok then.

Couldn’t agree more! Scale of a (perceived) problem would help so much if people took it into account! Always blew my mind how many people got upset about trans police officer search rights when there were only 3 officers!

You don't have a clue do you!

You are incapable of separating the personal from the professional. How sad.

I think there should be an option at your booking in appointment when you get your files to tick whether you would be happy with a male midwife, this then makes it way with you months later to delivery, or they're even aware of it beforehand somehow if it's going to be a planned induction or consultant led, and they then know not to assign a male midwife. This saves the awkward discussion and request.

No judgement either way, looking back I think in my first birth I wouldn't have been super comfortable with a male midwife as I was completely naked in a pool for hours. It's one thing having a male doctor do a check or an internal scan which is over very quickly for the most part, but having a man stroking my back or holding me up especially if I was naked would just have made me feel so uncomfortable. It's the most vulnerable a woman can be and as much as they are safe im sure with a male midwife, a man is a man and it could make many women feel uncomfortable for a variety of reasons.

YABU

As long as women have the choice, which they do, what’s the problem?

I had a male midwife with my 2nd, he was the only one who spotted a problem and dealt with it quickly, if he hadn’t the results could have been catastrophic.

A paramedic doesn’t specifically train to only look after pregnant women and deliver babies. It’s also a bit different in an emergency situation where there is no choice. My friends baby was delivered by her male friend as he was the only person there, she wouldn’t have chosen that if she had a choice though.

I've never needed to think about it (always women) but it would not be my choice tbh

Lol. The irony.

Absolutely. If a woman isn’t comfortable with a male/female/trans midwife then they should for sure have the right to object and not have the person objected to involved in their personal care.

‘I’m not personally comfortable with this’ is justification for making decisions over matters directly involving you, but that’s if. Finding the conversation awkward does not justify barring an entire class of people from a profession.

The point I’m making is that the sex of my midwife was an irrelevance to me. I cared that the person looking after me was well trained and good at their job. I just wanted a great (the best) midwife to deliver my baby, male or female.

Nobody was talking about you!!

AND everyone has said that it's fine for a woman to decline to be treated by a man.

Not everyone objecting to male midwives has been assaulted in any way.

Irony is a foreign country so far as you are concerned, I see,

Yes this bothers me quite a lot. Why so high??? I had a male obstetrician for my 3rd, I chose him and he was amazing

That wasn’t the original point but we now have posters getting angry at women who simply aren’t comfortable with a male midwife.

I didn’t have a male midwife with any of my births, but had a whole load of brilliant female ones. I did have a couple of male obstetricians - one failed to identify an issue that lead to my baby being stilborne. Another at the post-birth checks failed to pick up on issues with my DC that should have been referred at birth. I also had another excellent male obstetricians. None of the males ever examined me without a chaperone present.

You raise a good point that has not been mentioned on here yet.... male paramedics turning up to a birth, and playing midwife.

Two words for you: Dunning Kruger.