to think men shouldn't be midwives

[igglepiggle599]

Just saying, I have nothing against the male midwives themselves. I'm sure they're amazing at what they do and are lovely, kind, caring people. They themselves are not actually the issue I have.

I think many women are uncomfortable with the idea of a male midwife for any number of reasons, and there's a good chance that any given woman will automatically feel uncomfortable when a male midwife walks in. I also find it very disingenuous when people say that they can simply request another midwife. I'm sure that's often true (though maternity units presumable don't have an infinite supply of midwives at any given time, so there's at least a hypothetical scenario in which this wouldn't be possible?). I don't think it's fair that women should be put in a situation where they have to speak up and say that they want a different midwife, particularly when they are extremely vulnerable and possibly in excruciating pain. I'm not a particularly shy or passive person, but I would find that conversation very difficult even when not in labour. I might panic in the moment and wonder whether that amounted to some kind of breach of equality laws, or I might be in such a state that I just didn't want to risk any kind of conflict. Ultimately I would end up with a birth that may well be smooth from a medical point of view but somewhat tainted emotionally, as I would know that an aspect of the situation made me uncomfortable and I hadn't felt able to say anything.

Also, is midwifery even the kind of profession that would actually benefit from gender diversity given that women are the ones who give birth? I'm sure these very talented, compassionate men would be just as valued in a different branch of nursing. Obviously there are male doctors who can end up delivering a baby, but somehow it feels different for men to train in a role that is so intimate.

Very much open to different perspectives.

I never had a male midwife but I have had a male nurses - I received good care. With that being said, I would find it unusual to have a male midwife but wouldn't refuse to to see one if they were competent.

Ah don't be so bloody ridiculous!!

I'm sure all the fannies start to look the same after a while - seen one, seen 'em all!!

Had a female midwife, she was so vile, cruel and incompetent that I developed PTSD and had to have therapy to get over the way she treated me. What women in labour need is to be listened to, respected and supported, not shouted at, denied pain relief, mocked and told they are "silly and stupid" and "this is early labour, you are fussing about nothing, hours to go yet" all said to me just before I went into second stage and even then I was yelled at for not letting her know I was ready to push!! It was my first baby so how would I know, All I wanted was someone competent and kind, would have given a flying fuck about male or female, though I can understand why some women might feel uncomfortable with a male in attendance I guess my point is that female does not guarantee a good experience

The ‘what about lesbians’ argument is so ridiculous! If you’re requesting a female provider then you don’t care what their sexuality is (not that you’d even know). Ditto male workers- I’m not comfortable having one in an intimate and vulnerable position, it doesn’t matter what their sexuality is I just don’t want a male there.

I will repeat myself, as it would appear you missed my point. Which is interesting, as it wasn’t a complicated point.

You CAN’T know for ANY medical professional. Or anyone at all. Yet, somehow you manage to deal with that.

One would expect that you’d deal with not being able to absolutely know about male midwives in the exact same way you deal with not being to know about anyone else.

So sorry that this happened to you. I agree that not all women make good midwives.

Male midwives wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. When you’re mid labour, panting away, Pedro bloody Pascal could come and deliver the baby for all I care (and he is NOT someone I would want to see me in that state 🤣)

The issue I have is with Gynaecologists. They’re nearly ALL male!
I had to see a Gynae recently, and it was NOT easy to find a female.

Yes 100%- this is the main thing I don’t understand about the lesbian “gotcha”- yes but the male midwives could be gay, and of course that wouldn’t suddenly make an otherwise uncomfortable woman ok with them 🙄

In an ideal world I'd be able to request a female doctor or nurse for any intimate medical checks. I don't think I should be forced to have a male if I don't want one.

I wouldn't care as long as he was caring and competent. Which not all the female midwives I met were.

I see no reason why women shouldn't treat conditions that only affect men either, if that is their medical interest.

And my point, as I've explained, was that males are statistically much more likely to want to do a woman harm. Women are much less likely. That's how I deal with it.

Although a quick google and the amount of male obstetricians/gynaecologists who have been arrested for being perverts or rapists is quite terrifying 😳

*ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine *
I've never given birth (lost two babies) but l found a similar thing - when my male GP did my smears years ago, they were much more comfortable than when females have done them. Maybe l was just unlucky, but my last one a few years ago (I'm in my sixties now) with a female nurse was so painful and uncomfortable (she actually scolded me because she couldn't get the speculum in properly and couldn't get take the specimen) l've never had another one.
And more than a few of my similarly aged friends have said the same thing. One told me that the nurse 'made comments on my bits' to a student who was there.

A male midwife honestly wouldn't bother me. I do understand why some women wouldn't want a male midwife though, so YANBU to not want one.

I don't think I would say they should NOT be midwives, but women should have the right to refuse a male one.

It's really not. Set aside those who have valid reasons, those objecting are just people with their own hangups. Plus the double standards where they will happily avail of invasive medical care from male HCPs when they need it.

I would probably prefer a female midwife, at least for the early stages of labour, but honestly couldn’t care less who’s there as long as they’re kind and competent.

Because if we don't want sexism in the workplace, it has to apply to men as well as women.

You don't think women would be targeted if it became acceptable to ban one sex from 'this one job'? It would become more acceptable to consider banning sexes from other jobs too. Why would it stop there?

It has the potential to become a slippery slope.

Also, the insult to my intelligence really isn't necessary.

Why not? Presumably he had had the same training as his female colleagues?

I'd say it's a brave young man who takes on that role!!!

Is it any different to a male dr.

@igglepiggle599 yes it’s just the dynamic of the world we live in. Men are statistically a far higher risk to women, as I quoted before at least a QUARTER of women have been raped by men.. how many other women have experienced domestic violence etc. Not to mention pretty much ALL women have from a young age had uncomfortable or scary experiences with males- in the workplace, on a night out, people we know and thought we trusted. It’s everywhere and in a world that works this way, it is the most obvious, natural and INEVITABLE thing that many women don’t want male healthcare workers when they are in a vulnerable or undignified position.

When I had my first DD 19 years ago my first midwife was in her 60's and had never had children. I then had another female MW who ended up having to escort a seriously ill patient somewhere and said she would be back in about 1 hour to check on me, she had also never had any children.
After about 3 hours a male midwife came in to see me, he was lovely and I had to be 5cm dilated before they would let me in the pool, he kept checking I was ok having him in the room as he wasn't my actual MW then I begged him to examine me to see if I could get in the pool. Eventually he did and allowed me in the pool.
My MW eventually came back and delivered my daughter who by chance had the same (unusual) name we had picked if we had a girl.
I always had the opinion that you couldn't really be a good MW if you had never gone through it or knew anything about what the mothers were going through.
All 3 of my MW's had never had children and every one was as good as the other and the male MW was as professional and lovely as any of the women I saw.

Men make brilliant midwives from my experience. I had a great one amongst some bad female midwives, one of the few that made me feel comfortable. This is antiquated.

Not in my case. I had male consultant antenatal care for all of my pregnancies, by choice after years of fertility investigations. I attended midwife appts as well with my 3rd.

My 3rd child tried to come early and I was taken into a London hospital, a lovely male midwife came to me and introduced himself. He sat by my side and explained he'd been a general nurse and experienced a birth in A&E and he knew from then on he wanted be a midwife. He was warm and kind and to be honest the consultants were male, so I thought what's the difference?
He was such a support, thankfully baby stayed put for another 5 week's, that was 25 years ago.
But he was the sweetest, kindest man and I felt safe in his care, which was the most important thing. No it didn't feel wierd.