to think men shouldn't be midwives

[igglepiggle599]

Just saying, I have nothing against the male midwives themselves. I'm sure they're amazing at what they do and are lovely, kind, caring people. They themselves are not actually the issue I have.

I think many women are uncomfortable with the idea of a male midwife for any number of reasons, and there's a good chance that any given woman will automatically feel uncomfortable when a male midwife walks in. I also find it very disingenuous when people say that they can simply request another midwife. I'm sure that's often true (though maternity units presumable don't have an infinite supply of midwives at any given time, so there's at least a hypothetical scenario in which this wouldn't be possible?). I don't think it's fair that women should be put in a situation where they have to speak up and say that they want a different midwife, particularly when they are extremely vulnerable and possibly in excruciating pain. I'm not a particularly shy or passive person, but I would find that conversation very difficult even when not in labour. I might panic in the moment and wonder whether that amounted to some kind of breach of equality laws, or I might be in such a state that I just didn't want to risk any kind of conflict. Ultimately I would end up with a birth that may well be smooth from a medical point of view but somewhat tainted emotionally, as I would know that an aspect of the situation made me uncomfortable and I hadn't felt able to say anything.

Also, is midwifery even the kind of profession that would actually benefit from gender diversity given that women are the ones who give birth? I'm sure these very talented, compassionate men would be just as valued in a different branch of nursing. Obviously there are male doctors who can end up delivering a baby, but somehow it feels different for men to train in a role that is so intimate.

Very much open to different perspectives.

Fuck off away from our fannies! Just get a different job that doesn't involve fannies. What's wrong with you?!

I have to agree with this - I can’t help thinking some men have nefarious reasons for wanting to look at fannies all day🤣🤣🤣

I had no issues with gender of anyone up to birth but when a guy popped his head around the labour ward curtain and said Hi! I’m x, I’m the breastfeeding guy’ I was very surprised, and in retrospect, uncomfortable. He was lovely. I just didn’t really want a bloke pushing and pulling my boobs around 6hrs after birth.

I don't think so! The obstetrics part is only a fraction of their roles!

Wouldn't be about that, for me.

I just can't relax around male staff when it comes to intimate areas.

My problem, not theirs.

I think you experienced the difference between a doctor (presumably an obstetrician with more than a decade of specialist training) vs midwife (very low bar for entry). There are some amazing midwives of course but the low bar for entry does mean they can be a very mixed bag.

Can I have some of whatever it is you're smoking lol?!

I declined a male midwife and ended up with a male health visitor. Completely pointless as I couldn't ask him any of the things I wanted to. Mind you they're a mixed bunch anyway - my female one wasn't much better. The male was at least trying his best. I didn't feel at any risk from him, he was a nice young lad in his early 20s. Just felt far too weird!

Would you allow a man to refuse a female doctor on 'cultural grounds'?

As long as they have availability, they will swap midwives over. my hospital informed me I could do this just because I didn’t like the midwife- they said if you take a dislike to the midwife for whatever reason it’s best to get someone else - and that the midwife would probably be relieved too!

This happens all the time

Can we see those statistics you keep referring to, please?
Specifically, how many gay female midwives are currently employed in the NHS? How many of these female gay midwives have thoughts of a sexual nature about their patients and how many male midwives have the same thoughts? If you also have some data on the identity of the 10 midwives struck off for sexual misconduct in 2022/2023 and whether they were male or female, this will also be very helpful.

Agreed. I desperately wanted my male ob'gyn to deliver me. I'd even said anyone but 2 particular ob's. After all those hours of labor he was off shift and I got the 2 I didn't want. And by then I would not have cared if they pulled a random person off the street to deliver me lol.

So What did you do? You felt uncomfortable but still went ahead with him helping you? See, this is the problem - many women won’t say anything out of politeness and bc we are told from birth to “be kind”.

Im a bolshy cow and would tell him to thanks but I’d prefer a woman - but when I was young im not so sure I’d have had the courage.

This actually makes me feel really angry on your behalf.

Thankfully I don't think the way you do.

I've no idea how undertakers recruit staff.

I'd hate to live in a mindset where you see evil all around.

Kate Brintworth is a leader, chosen for leadership skills, not gender.

I can see why woman would feel uncountable but what about male doctors? I suppose for certain things I'd request a female

I would be past the point of caring tbh. The 2 midwives that almost killed me were woman. I lost 2 litres of blood and they didn't blink an eye when my dh was basically shouting at them that there shouldn't be the amount of blood there was. 2 men then had to stitch me back together. I then had a csection with ds2 and was a male anesthetist, male theatre staff and 2 female midwives.

No - I’d feel comfortable with a female midwife regardless of her sexuality. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with a male midwife regardless of his.

Some women might too. Lesbians?
No one goes into obstetrics because they love fannies.

I agree with this. I wouldn’t have objected to a male midwife at the actual birth, but no way would I have tolerated a male midwife for breastfeeding advice, postnatal home check ups etc. No way.

I've had a mix of care from male and female obstetricians and a female midwife over the course of five deliveries and four miscarriages. The majority of the care was from male obstetricians.

My care was excellent in all cases. There's no mystique attached to female HCPs in obstetrical care as far as I could see.

I value medical training, experience, and intelligence over sex of the HCP.

What made a difference to me was the opportunity to get to know each HCP who attended my deliveries over the course of my antenatal visits. They all had my notes to hand, and knew me for years in the case of the obstetricians, having first met when I was pg with DC1. The female midwife who delivered my last baby, DC5, had the usual American midwife training, namely a bachelor's degree in nursing, board certified RN, and several years of nursing practice, followed by a masters in midwifery.

Life's like that. Some of the best midwives may be blokes; also there are some bloody funny blokes going around.

Can’t get worked up about it, had a pregnancy in the uk and I was asked if I was ok with students and/or a male midwife being there and I said yes to both, never saw either. If you have a problem with it, have it put in your notes.

As stated, I was just repeating your question. Apparently, a question that involves mind reading when it’s posed by someone else.

And, yes, you can’t know anything about any medical professional. Or anyone at all, really. How you make your peace with that is up to the individual.

The thing is if you say that about midwives, the same could be said about gynaecologists and fertility doctors. I had many an appointment with fertility consultants when going through infertility investigations and eventually having IVF treatment which you can imagine required examinations and treatment via a certain private area of my body. I just accepted it at the time as I was grateful to have the treatment. I could have had a female chaperone if I requested one and I remember on one occasion when having a physical examination I was given the option to have my husband in the same room. I didn’t because I trusted the doctor and I could pretty much tell he was a professional and had seen thousands of vaginas. I think as long as a woman isn’t forced to have a male midwife then it’s fine. I can’t see many men wanting to be a midwife anyway.