To be a bit annoyed to be told to ‘be the parent’?

[givemeaminuteplease]

I know that people will read the title and jump to an immediate YABU but hear me out.

18 month old DD is at that stage where she’s not happy about the pushchair. Obviously she sometimes has to go in it and she will tolerate it for short periods then starts wanting to get out.

Discussing a local event with a friend we went to last year and I said quite light heartedly I would give it as miss this year as it was so busy and DD would not be happy about the pushchair. She got quite arsey and said I needed to ‘be the parent’ and DD would have to go in it.

But the whole point of the event is that it’s for children / a family day and if we don’t enjoy it because we’ve got a whining toddler arching her back and trying to escape then what’s the point? Surely that isn’t ’not being a parent’ it’s just common sense? Or AIBU?

I can see both sides.

I wouldn't miss out on an event I wanted to go to but equally if I am not that fussed about going I would miss it if more hassle than its worth.

I was going to say reins too. At 18 months most children will walk and then want to be carried or go back in pushchair.

As an aside DD's friend had her toddler on reins and there was promotion for an event with a dalek and he said naughty human has little human on a lead.

You are definitely not being unreasonable here. My 22 month old is doing the same thing atm. Refuses the buggy and wants to walk or be held. She’s even managed to work out how it manoeuvre her way out of the straps of either and attempt to climb on me.
It’s a little stressful trying to get her back in while she protests loudly in the store.

I don’t think people who have not been in that situation understand how stressful it is and how much you feel like a mug because everyone is looking at you and you’ve chosen not to pick that battle.

The child doesn’t know about the decision to not go. The OP knows what she can handle at the moment and that that. It won’t be enjoyable if the child is screaming the whole time.

It’s easy to say if you’ve had fairly easy-going kids, or if you don’t have kids but are used to being able to get older kids to do what they’re told at work (which as we all know is completely different).
I used to walk back from toddler group with a friend - we’d put them in the pushchairs to walk home, she’d say to hers ‘time for sleep’ and her dd would obligingly close her eyes and try really hard to sleep. Mine would wriggle out of the straps, stand up, scream when I strapped her back in, if I let her walk she’d flop down onto the pavement and whinge. My friend was very well-meaning and kept giving me advice like ‘you just need to get her favourite toy to ask her to sit nicely in the pushchair’ which of course I’d tried, along with so many other things, and I felt like a total failure of a parent. In the long term though it’s been no indicator of behaviour issues - both are lovely girls (and good friends) at 13, but my friend is struggling a lot more with her dd’s teenage anger and angst (lots of blazing rows) - it’s come as a complete shock to her. These days mine is the more easygoing one, but I’m not taking credit for that.
I wouldn’t go on that day out either - sounds like it wouldn’t be fun for anyone.

Gold star for you

Im with you OP. Christmas markets aren’t fun for toddlers, all they have is the view of the back of people’s legs crammed together, it’s noisy, people are knocking the chair jolting you around. Fuck that 😂

I think it depends on whether you are thinking that this is an event she won't enjoy and will mean that no one enjoys it with the fuss she makes or if you have slipped into a habit of saying "oh no, we can't do that because dd won't do x".

If it's the former, then you've made a decision that fits with you. And there are times when we do/don't do something for the dc's enjoyment, especially when it effects others.
If it's the latter, then you do want to start thinking about how you are going to tackle her making a fuss to get her own way.

My dd2 was a dreadful buggy refuser. But being #2 there were times we had to get somewhere and she had to go in. Often she would go on the buggy board which she loved (sometimes with big sister in the buggy), but there were times when (we didn't have a car either) she had to go in.
She knew there were times that she was told and she had to go in, but getting her to that stage did involve strapping her in with screams sometimes.

Exactly this.

Toddlers walking and exploring is exactly what they need to develop, it's natural that they want to. Obviously at 18 months they don't understand that while this is encouraged at the park, it isn't safe or practical at a crowded event.

If this event is for children, but the child in question isn't going to be able to enjoy it properly, of course you can give it a miss.

What are you supposed to do? Force your kid in the pushchair?
My daughter was out of the pushchair by 18 months, I never made her go in it i thought it good for her development to walk

Sounds like u need to seek out a parenting class.

You're letting an 18 month child rule? Heaven help you when they're 8!

What does this even mean?

If you had a dog, you wouldn't take it out on Bonfire Night, would you? Or to a hamster convention.

Though she enjoys the theatre, I wouldn't invite my elderly aunt to an open air or standing performance because she feels the cold and is not up for standing for long periods.

Likewise, small children shouldn't be confined to buggies for long periods of time if it can be avoided.

It's not about them "ruling", it's about meeting their needs while being considerate towards others.

Sounds like if wasn't an event you really wanted to go to anyway. If it was, then maybe tough it out but either way, whatever you decude it's not your "friends" business.

Politely just ADULT UP

You are not being unreasonable. No one knows what is best for your family other than you/your partner. Unsolicited opinions on your parenting are really not ok. If it were me, I’d probably be taking a step back from this friend who’s been judging your parenting style and thinks it’s ok to comment.

I think OP sensibly left the thread before these incel types really got going.