Not aloud to touch the telly

[dazzledfrog]

Been married 12 years and have 4 children but not aloud to touch "his" telly which is in our lounge.

Dh uses it for gaming mostly or occasionally to watch something he wants and says nobody is to touch his telly apart from him.
He even has a code on it so nobody can touch it while he's at work.
Dc who are school age and a baby can't watch it after school because he's at work and nobody's aloud to touch it.
I can't watch it during the day and have a baby so I'm at home all day.
When I first met Dh he already had a telly so I accepted it was his telly but since then he's replaced it with our joint money and it's still his telly.
He isn't going to budge on this and no amount of talk or compromising is going to change anything.

He sits there all evening/weekends playing Xbox games and the rest of the family is never allowed to watch anything.
The (primarily school) children are told to watch telly in their room which they don't want to and he says I can talk to him while he's on his Xbox.
I wish we could have family time watching films or telly together.
I don't think there's anything I can do about it and feel bad for the children.

@GoldenLegend ha snap!

I don't think you will understand if he's controlling in other ways as you've allowed him to control your day (e.g not been able to watch telly) and also the childrens. I feel really bad for your children as they must be walking on eggshells in their own living room. What kind of dad sits on his computer all weekend?

@MumblesParty I agree.

But the ops comment "This is the only thing, he's not controlling in any other way, just possessive over his telly." suggests that maybe there is hope. Maybe........

I agree that nope I wouldnt tolerate this sort of behaviour. Ive been happily single for many years.

This. Point out is your telly too and you want the code.

How on earth have you managed to stay married to him for 12 years???

Are you living in the 1950s?

When he's at work can you move "his tv" to another room with a huge armchair and leave him to it? It doesn't sound like he adds much to the family banter of an evening.

Buy another tv for you and the kids, and put a code on it that he doesn't get.

'He's not controlling in other ways'

But I bet I know who does everything for the kids.
If he sits all night infont of the TV, he isn't doing his share. And is controlling your time because you don't get as much as he does to yourself. Because...truthfully... you do all the childcare and housework. Right?

That would be controlling.

This is actually unbelievable. Doesn't he give a single fuck about your or your children?

1. Get another tv. Tell him he can't have his on when any of the rest of you are watching yours. OR,
2. Tell him to sling his miserable hook and take his sodding telly with him!

He's really not great in other ways though, is he? He is selfish enough not to care you cant watch tv during the day. He is selfish and uncaring enough to want to banish the children to their rooms. He is not pulling his weight running the family because he is gaming. And he will not compromise.

Any decent man, if he wanted a gaming set up, would do it somewhere else and only when family life accommodated it.

So, OP, what are you going to do? The thread has been pretty universal in its take on what is happening. You may not have wanted to accept this as abusive, but it is very very concerning.

Take away the power cord until he's willing to have a grown up conversation about it, if you BOTH paid for it, you should be able to use it. He sounds like hard work.

This sounds pretty disgusting. You say he's not controlling in any other way just over the TV.

Yet u also say that he's always on it playing Xbox or watching what He wants...so it sounds to me he is ALWAYS controlling, no?

Why have you put up with this? So you don't do anything as a family with the kids in evenings because he's watching his own shite or playing Xbox? Wtf?

You're telling me you've never sat as a family and just watched a film together or even some trash the kids like, but watched it as a family?

FFS, why are you putting up with this shite?

He's still stuck in selfish teenager mode and doesn't recognise his role as a Father or Partner!
How can you put up with this?
It's a normal thing to sit and watch a film with your DC, not them watching in their rooms
Can you factory reset the Tv removing the PIN code option? That's what I'd do.

How incredibly cruel

I'd guess the pin then fucken play his xbox when he was out and save over all his save files too.

This is such a terrible example to set for your children. I would never, ever put up with this.

Buy your own bigger TV or, better yet, chuck him and his precious television out together.

Op, if you got rid of the telly, or decided to buy another out of joint money, or over-rode his code - How would he react? Would he be violent to you?

It may be that you feel he isn't controlling you in other ways because you instinctively know not to do things that challenge him. So, you are being controlled by him, but it's not immediate obvious to you.

You don't have to tell me the answers to these questions. Just be honest with yourself though when you think about the answers.

I could be massively projecting because of my own life. Sorry, if I am.

How do you think this is going to effect your kids as they grow up and start having relationships?

What a complete tool he is.

A small can of Coke should deal with the issue. 'Oh, it's not working anymore? That's a shame, dear. I couldn't begin to guess what's wrong with it, it's not as if we can use it when you're not here.'

And then dump his arse whilst he's sulking about it.

Why do you put up with this?

that's awful. the main TV is for the whole family. it would be different if he had a separate one in an office or the bedroom for his gaming, but expecting everyone to just sit there and watch him gaming is incredibly selfish, especially preventing people from watching their own thing when he's not even there!

Buy your own TV but make sure it’s far superior than your feckwit husband

Op many years ago I was also with a twat and we had 4 dc together.. I left. And took the dc. He was a monster... Don't think because you have lots of dc you can't /won't cope alone. You will and you must.. Those poor dc need you to be strong and leave..

Haha yeah get a 50 inch monstrosity with surround sound, a games console better than his and one of those vr headsets.

Put 'just dance' games on and play it with your kids so the livingroom is too loud for him to hear himself think in.

Lock it with a code only you and the kids have.
Get a super comfy gaming chair too.
Take up streaming and become a popular YouTube gamer. Never mention him. Apart from to point out his crap gaming set up.